The Kinjutsu 3
by Chuckling-Ghost
Summary: What if Naruto weren't the only one to learn a powerful forbidden technique from the Forbidden Scroll the night of the Mizuki Incident? What if Shikamaru woke up on the mysterious right side of the bed and gave up laziness for a day just to see what happens? What if Hinata suddenly grew a spine a few days before the graduation exam? Read on and find out! Reviews welcome! Flames not
1. Chapter 1: Ghost & Hime

_(Ghost walks into a recording booth)_ Hey everybody, Ghost here! Today we have something very special, my first ever attempt at a "collaborative authoring no jutsu"! Assisting me with this jutsu is my long time writing buddy EmpressofMelnibone!

 _(Empress pokes her head in nervously and says in a small voice)_ Hi…

 _(Ghost chuckles)_ Come on, don't be shy, they're here to read your work! Don't worry so much!

 _(Empress comes in and sits down)_ Ok well, I'm Empressofmelnibone. I love Naruto, Bleach… (giggles) Princess Tutu, pretty much all anime except for the gorey horror stuff, yuck. Hayao Miyazaki is a God of animation and Mushishi is the anime by which all other anime should be compared. I am a great cook, love Scifi, and am a die hard Browncoat, for the heathens out there who don't know what that is it's a Firefly/Serenity aficionado made popular by the God of TV Joss Whedon, the man who gave us Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and Angel.

 _(Ghost blinks at Empress)_ Aaand would you care to tell the readers whose part you'll be playing for this story?

 _(Empress smiles brightly)_ I play the part of Hinata Hyuga because she's amazing and awesome (eyes flare up and hair spontaneously ignites) _and got totally cruelly and unfairly sidelined by Masashi Kishimoto!_ (flames disperse as quickly as they appeared) Ok, Ok, I'm calm now…

 _(Ghost puts down the fire extinguisher)_ And I will be playing the part of Shikamaru Nara because of random assignment. Now then, will our substitute bodies please come in?

 _(Shikamaru and Hinata come in)_

 _(Shikamaru yawns)_ Troublesome, what is this? We were told something about cookies.

 _(Hinata looks around nervously)_ I…I do not see any cookies…or Naruto-kun…

 _(Ghost waves their concerns aside)_ Not to worry, not to worry, we'll be sending you to spend plenty of time with your favorite blondes right after you help us demonstrate a little jutsu for the audience.

 _(Shikamaru's eyes narrow)_ What jutsu?

 _(Ghost and Empress smile and make the same handsign pointed at Shikamaru and Hinata)_ MIND BODY SWITCH!

 _(Shikamaru and Hinata wake up in a land of dreams with many Temari's and Naruto's waiting for them as Ghost and Empress stretch out their new bodies)  
(Ghost grins in Shikamaru's body)_ Shall we get started then Hinata-hime?  
 _(Empress nods)_ Let's.

 _(Ghost and Empress make a sign)_ Story start jutsu!

 **CHAPTER 1**

==Morning, Three Days Before The Graduation Exam==

It wasn't one of those peaceful mornings. It was one of those jump-out-of-bed-in-terror-and-hang-from-the-ceiling-like-a-frightened-cartoon-cat mornings, and that is exactly what I did. I didn't for the life of me know _how_ I was sticking to the ceiling, but as my mother gaped at me I quickly figured a lot of things out and sighed, "Troublesome."

I released the chakra holding my feet to the ceiling and then my hands, dropping the short distance to the floor and landing in a crouch before rising back to my feet. "I'm up, relax, and that bucket of cold water is highly unnecessary." On a whim I made my snake hand sign and made my shadow grab and toss me my jacket with Shadow Strangle Jutsu. I grinned and pulled it on.

"Did you just use Shadow Strangle Jutsu to hand yourself your jacket?" Mom asked me in shock. I shrugged and sent my shadow stretching for my pants, "Congratulations, you finally managed to get me up without getting me up on the wrong side of the bed." Mom raised an eyebrow, "Huh?" I smirked as I caught my pants, "It's simple really, there is no _right_ side of the bed, so to not get up on the wrong side, which is all of them, one simply has to jump straight up and leave via the ceiling. So, having gotten up on the right side of the bed for once, it's only natural that I'm going to act a little differently today. Now if it's not too terribly much trouble, would you please close the door so I can put my pants on?"

She closed the door and as I changed into my day pants my mind reeled with a single question, _why in the hell am I in Shikamaru Nara's body?!_

==A Few Minutes Later==

I walked down the ceiling of the hallway to the kitchen and earned stares from both my/Shikamaru's parents as I dropped to the floor, my hair unrestrained out of its usual ponytail and sticking up in what I can only dub super saiyan spikes. "Strange day isn't it?" I asked as I started piling my plate. Dad/Shikaku stared at me as I started eating. I swallowed and looked at him, "I got scared awake this morning in such a manner that I actually managed to avoid getting up on any of the wrong sides of the bed. All rules of normal behavior have been scratched for today. Today is going to either be one of the most troublesome days ever, or one of the best." I took a swig of juice and shrugged, "I'm hoping for best, but on a day like this, who knows what'll happen?"

"Ok," Shikaku asked as though I had suddenly started spouting some dead language, "so you were walking on the ceiling because all rules of normal behavior have been scratched?" "Partly," I said between bites, "The other reason is because it occurred to me as I was pulling on my pants that all the plans in the world aren't much good if you don't have the tools to execute them. My chakra pool is currently too small to keep up with my plans. If I run out in the field when I really need to not, I'm going to be in a most troublesome situation which could very likely end with me or my teammates getting hurt, and that is highly unacceptable."

Dad/Shikaku nodded, "Ok, and why didn't you tie your hair up like you usually do?" I grinned, "I just want to see what happens." Dad nodded, still looking at me as though I were from outer space (perhaps it was the super saiyan hair?), "Your mom says you've learned Shadow Strangle jutsu well enough to use it casually?" I popped down another bite of deer sausage, "Knew the theory just had to apply it. Gonna work on Shadow Stitching later. Might as well expand my bag of tricks while I'm expanding my chakra capacity."

Dad/Shikaku blinked, "Um, ok…do you want some help?" I thought about it for a moment, "I'll letcha know this evening. If I get it as quick as Shadow Strangle then I may not need any. What time is it?" I looked over at the clock, enough time for one question, "Hey dad, is it possible to substitute with say a shuriken, or a kunai? I know most people use logs or clones, but shuriken and kunai are more likely to be available."

Dad/Shikaku thought about it, "I suppose it would be possible, but it wouldn't work to sucker your opponent into thinking they'd hit you…" I grinned, "Not gonna use it for that, I'll use it for maneuverability. Thought about it last night, I can't do the Fourth's technique because I have no idea how and I probably don't have the chakra for it, but given how fast Substitution is, I bet I can do a pale imitation if I practice with it enough, and I can _definitely_ make more than standard use of it. I'll tell ya more later but for now, I think I better scoot before I'm late." I rose and took off, calling over my shoulder, "See ya this evening!" I broke into a sprint, _Let's see what this body can do…_

==Meanwhile==

Morning came in a haze of reddish light from the sun against closed eyelids. The soft texture of bed sheets too soft against my skin alerted me that something was _very_ wrong. The last of sleep instantly faded as a _presence_ washed over me, a prickling feeling all throughout my body like static electricity.

I could feel everything. The presence ebbed and faded but was _there_ like the feeling when someone is staring at you when you can't see them.

The odd not-right feeling didn't stop I managed to crack my eyes and when looked around the room. A dresser, a closet with an assortment of clothes that looked far too expensive for them to be mine, a bookshelf neatly stacked and arranged. Then I started to panic.

It was the cleanliness and the rigidly manicured _order_ that made the sick feeling in my stomach worm up to my heart and start taking bites out of it. The stresses and problems of managing daily life might make me a stickler for order and rigid adherence to cleanliness and management, but my room had always been my haven where various notebooks, writing utensils, clothes, paints from watercolors to colored pencils and other odds and ends were thrown around in a careless frenzy of activity.

 _"_ Breathe, just breathe _,"_ I managed to choke out, my tongue feeling too large and thick for my mouth.

A soft knock from just outside the door alerted me that someone was here, and another flash of "presence" washed through me like cool rain with small flashes of emotions. Resentment and tired but peppered with love.

"Come in."

The person who entered looked to be a young boy with a scowl taking over the entire bottom of his mouth pushing the rest of his features into a sharp relief. His eyes were a pale greyish-lilac and the clothes he wore looked to be a pale brown shirt and barefoot feet.

"Lady Hinata," he offered, his face never cracking from that harsh frown. I nodded in greeting. "Lord Hiashi demands your presence at breakfast." He waited a moment and at my nod left the door closed with more force than probably was necessary extremely loud for the quietness of the room.

"Lady Hinata…" I managed to say, my voice sounding far to hoarse and "young" for my liking. I was an adult not a child! Making my way over to the closet I chose a simple sky blue short sleeved shirt with carefully stitched cranes in flight and jeans. The shirt was made out of a sleek material I recognized as silk and felt comfortable. Looking around I noticed a pair of what looked like boots, but unlike the ones I remembered having which were far more for "style" these were definitely for function, a dull brown with simple straight laces and no adornment but some slight scuff marks.

Lady Hinata. Lady Hinata... my mind worked around those words like a dog chasing its tail. Hinata from what I remembered was a noble from the Naruto franchise, a reclusive girl with no real confidence at all, who constantly let others walk all over her and had a more semi-realistic reason for liking Naruto than the other fangirls in canon.

I could feel a headache coming on. "And now through some accident of the universe I've now been put into her body." Hand-forehead-repeat. _Ok so what do I do? Survive. Try to figure out what's going on, and don't draw attention to myself._ That sounded like solid advice for now.

Once done I followed my nose to the kitchen and stopped dead. It was huge... the table was glass and very elegantly arranged with flowers which I vaguely recognized as Hyacinth blossoms. At the table was man about middle aged with proud hawk like features and the same grayish-purple eyes I recognized as the same as the boy, _no Neji the boy's name was Neji_ , my cousin and more skilled than myself. Hinata's father, looked up at me with a look that made the back of my neck itch. It looked disappointed and curiously sad and interested in a way I didn't like at all.

"Please sit Hinata." I sat and didn't drop my gaze as I probably should have but I was shocked, scared, and not in any mood to show weakness.

In his right hand he held a piece of thick paper and opened it, a scribble of what I recognized as kanji but I couldn't read a word of it and various numbers were in careful boxes divided into various sections.

"Your report card is quite good, but your low taijutsu scores concern me," He said, his voice carefully neutral of any emotion. I waited and finally nodded in understanding, "you will spend any free time you have working on your taijutsu is that clear." Silent nod, rinse, repeat. A careless wave of his hand to the outside signaled my dismissal. "Go on, you have school" his tone sounding curiously defeated. I would remember that for later.

The sharp light of sunrise was like water to a starving person as I followed two girls towards the academy. One I recognized as Sakura and the girl she was racing with had to be Ino. I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Why waste a perfectly great friendship over some guy? A guy who for all intents and purposes had made his distaste for fangirls crystal clear.

Following them at a slower pace, I walked through the door into the room and was greeted by the sight of many, maybe 70 people and felt a rush of embarrassment come over myself. Looking around for a familiar face, I recognized the Konoha 12 but not much of the others. Then came the screeching of what could only be an angry young girl.

It was two of them actually, Sakura and Ino fighting over who was going to sit next to Sasuke who was in a cotton beige and brown shirt and jeans with the same brown slip on boots as myself.

The noise was rapidly getting on my nerves and soon I couldn't take it anymore. Wrapping my annoyance around me like a shield I stepped between the two girls and grabbed them by the back of their shirts.

"Hinata?!" both girls gasped, shock evident on their faces. I flashed them a nervous smile.

"Good morning Sakura, Ino" I said as politely as possible. "Ya know the way you're treating each other and Sasuke is disgusting," I managed to say, my eyes burning with disapproval.

" _What?!_ " both girls gasped out, their eyes wide. Everyone, even Sasuke was staring. I ignored them and took a quick breath to clear my head, and calm down my racing heart.

"Acting like Sasuke is some prize to be earned when he's made it clear he's _not_ interested just shows yourselves to be immature and selfish. Allowing your friendship to be destroyed over this selfish game of yours marks you as being childish and immature. Maybe you should have more respect for yourselves and Sasuke to put your emotions aside when you can't have something you want just because he doesn't want you." Silence reigned in a heart stopping series of seconds before Sakura moved down two tiers to sit next to a Nara with a crazy hair-sticking-up style that reminded me of Vegeta's hairstyle from Dragonball Z, and Ino moved to a seat in the very back, her eyes wet with tears. Sasuke gave me a grateful smile tinged with bitter apology. I nodded in understanding.

The Nara returned to my attention by staring right at me, his gaze taking in every detail before an unsettling grin spread over his face. I felt myself start to sweat ever so slightly, _that can't be good…_

==Shikamaru==

I grinned as the pieces fell into place and turned back to face the front, _So I'm not the only one. It's possible that she could've just had a sudden spine transplant, but I'd call that highly unlikely. Now how to test her to make sure she's like me without giving myself away?_ I smiled slightly as an idea formed in my head, _Yeah, that'll work._

I looked over at Sakura who was trying hard to keep the tears from falling. The possibly-not-Hinata's little lecture had been a rather mild reprimand as far as I was concerned, but I also knew it was unbelievably harsh for little Ms. Perfect-in-pink who'd probably never set a toe out of line in her life. I nudged her, "You know, if you land on his team and can prove yourself a competent kunoichi, he might give you half a second glance, provided you patch things up with Ino that is." Sakura looked at me with watery eyes that were screaming of pain, humiliation, and a strong desire to lash out at somebody or something, "What would you know about it?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Well for one, I'm a guy, which means I know how guys _think_. I can tell ya right now that ol' duck butt up there isn't looking for some airhead who falls all over herself at a smile from him. If he were, he'd have picked one by now, probably would've gotten bored of her in a month and moved on to the next one in line. Feminine wiles, charm, good looks and the like don't mean jack to a guy like Sasuke if you haven't got the power and skill to impress him because you won't even merit his attention if you don't have that. He's looking for an equal, not a maid. You treating him like he's the hottest thing in the world just tells him you're not worth it because you're automatically putting yourself beneath him."

Sakura was looking rather stunned by the revelation, "Another thing, if you smother a plant, how's it ever going to grow? People are the same way, you smother them, no growth. Sasuke wants to grow and grow and grow some more until he's the biggest thing since Madara. If he feels smothered, he's going to feel like you're holding him back, and he'll do everything in his power to get away from you. We become genin in three days. I'm gonna level with you Sakura, if you don't get your mind off of Sasuke and into high shinobi gear, you'll probably wash out or get yourself killed in a year or less. Surely you know enough to realize that would be the death and burial of any chance you have of impressing him."

Sakura looked as though her world had been rocked, rolled, and mildly nuked. I drew a smiley face on a piece of paper and slid it over to her, "You're a smart girl Sakura, it's time to start putting that big brain of yours to use."

Sakura sniffled, "Since when do you care? I thought you were on Ino's team." I thought about it for a moment, "Well…" I drawled, "I suppose it's since I woke up on the nonexistent right side of the bed this morning and felt like throwing the usual play book out the window. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth Sakura, I don't need an excuse to help a girl who's looking like someone kicked her puppy, and right now that's you. So cheer up, smile a bit, and get your game on. This isn't the end of the world, hell, the story's just getting started. You don't want watery eyes when your future decides to show itself do you? How would you ever see it coming?"

Sakura wiped her eyes with a watery smile, "Thanks Shikamaru. Maybe you're not so bad after all." I snorted, "Whoever said I was bad? Lazy I get regularly, but I assure you, there's a lot more under the lazy façade than you'd ever guess." Sakura looked at me in surprise and as Iruka-sensei walked in I gave her a smug wink.

==Hinata==

Before long lunch reared it's much-needed head. Using a mini-body flicker I made my way ahead of everyone. The scent of fresh ramen and dango made my mouth water. Naruto was like Pavlov's dogs, absolutely shaking with enthusiasm (seriously did he ever _not_ get excited about eating ramen?).

Conversation ebbed and flowed around me. Who liked who, family troubles, teenage problems, and various other topics came and went peppered with actual _meaningful_ conversation. Seriously what did I care if another girl had caught Sasuke fangirlitis when the Inuzuka clan had a new crop of dog-nin's and not enough clan members to take in all of them? Perhaps a dog-nin would be a lucky battle partner.

Finally after getting my food and paying, I looked around for somewhere to sit and noticed Sakura openly glaring while Ino was doing a good impression of ignoring me. Were they angry about earlier? A flash of alarm wormed its way from the back of my neck down to my stomach and inflated into full blown worry. At a pace slightly less that running I made my way over to the two girls, noticing that Sakura's open dislike had settled into frosty rage.

Finally the sting of embarrassment/worry caused my tongue to loosen. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I did, or at least not that bluntly," the words came out in a rush of social embarrassment and terror that I might lose the only two girls who'd accepted me. Sakura and Ino looked at each other and then at me. I knew my face was as red as an apple and my eyes were just barely kept from open-faucet tears.

"It wasn't nice to stomp all over our feelings like that," Ino said, her voice authoritative and oddly mature for her age, "But I don't hate you, not anymore." "Sakura," I managed to choke out. Her eyes were down cast enough for her eyes to be covered and her face shadowed, "I think it was rude and really mean. I, I can't accept you acting so rudely Hinata." "I'm sorry! I really didn't mean for it to come out that way, but you're always talking and thinking about Sasuke and he doesn't like that ya know?" "Yeah, I know," Sakura said in a sad and closed off voice, "If you promise to be nicer, maybe we can be friends again. Deal?"

"Deal," I replied with a smile and a hand extended to shake which she returned.

==Shikamaru==

I glanced over to where Hinata Sakura and Ino were sitting and then I grinned slightly as I saw the majority of the Sasuke Fan Club descend on them like the vultures they were, no doubt intent on finding out whether or not Sakura and Ino actually intended to back off of Sasuke. Hinata quickly excused herself and went to eat by herself. I scarfed down the rest of my lunch with such speed that Choji, Naruto and Kiba stared at me, and then I grinned at them, "So, since Hinata seems to have had a spine transplant this morning, I'm going to go over and see if she too woke up on the mysterious right side of the bed this morning. Wait here, I'll be right back with a report on the strange happenings with our lovely Hyuga heiress." Before anyone could say anything I got up and took off.

I walked over to Hinata, feigning casualness as she sat there eating, trying hard to control the manic grin that was fighting with great vigor to spread across my face. I sat down next to her and in a voice that would be audible to her but hopefully nobody else unless they were listening, "Ya know lahsy, ya don't ahct moch like Hinata." Now it was simple, if she asked me why I was speaking with a Scottish accent, she was from my world. If she just asked why I was talking like that, give her the "it's a topsy turvy sort of day" excuse and then try some other tactic to test her later.

==Hinata==

I jerked my head up, shock washing over me as I stared into the bright sunshine smile the normally bored and laconic Nara had on his face.

"Why are you talking like a British guy?!" The words were out of my mouth before I could censor them. The grin became wider and slightly catty. Shivers ran through my mind and I couldn't help but imagine a cat that had just caught a canary. CRAP!

==Shikamaru==

 _Gotcha!_ I thought and then in a low voice, "I'm not British, and neither of us is from this world if you know what the hell British is." Cue stunned reaction and yep, there it is. If my grin got any bigger I think my head would've split in two. It was definitely Naruto sized. I stuck out my hand, "Chuckling-Ghost, or Cackling Shadow, whichever you prefer."

"Empressofmelnibone," she managed, her voice coming out a small squeak, "It's based on the empire of dreams and magic from Michael Morcock's famous series…" Then she seemed to get over her shock, "Now _what the hell is going on here?!_ "

I couldn't help it. I almost jumped for joy, and I _did_ give her a hug. My writing buddy was here! There was someone with sense in this world! I sat back and she looked decidedly flustered and unamused as I grinned at her like a Cheshire Cat, "I haven't the foggiest. Woke up this morning as Shikamaru Nara, all his knowledge and enough chakra control that if it's not beautiful I can't tell. By the way it's very nice to finally meet you in person even if we're rather not. You?"

==Hinata==

This was so messed up, waking up in a new body in a new life, _just what the hell_?! At least I had someone around who wasn't crazy and could hopefully help me navigate this mad world, "Ok, first thing's first, how to fake reading and writing kanji?"

==Shikamaru==

I tilted my head slightly to the side, "You…Oh…" A pit of worry formed in my gut immediately, "You didn't get Hinata's memories did you?"

I had seen her struggling with the textbook during class, but this was bad, REALLY bad. "You can't remember any of it?!"

==Hinata==

"I wouldn't be asking if I did?" I replied, managing to keep my voice calm and the bitchiness to a minimum, "I remember bits and pieces from the series I watched, but nothing much else."

==Shikamaru==

I ran my hands back and forth through my spiky hair, thinking frantically before it hit me. I'm surprised there was no light bulb appearing over my head. "Ok, clearly it's just our souls that have been switched into these bodies, not our brains or we'd probably be having seizures and be dead soon either way from our bodies rejecting the foreign tissue. That means all of Hinata's memories are still _in_ your head, so all you have to do is refresh them. If you read some kids books or something…"

A thought hit me and I changed tack, "look over some old homework with me under the excuse of studying for the Graduation exam, which is in three days. Since your brain still has the right memories coded in, if I'm right then it shouldn't be nearly as hard as learning a new language normally would be. We'll do a little taijutsu practice as well and see if we can jog your memories of Gentle Fist as well, because if you don't have the faintest idea about it then people are going to realize something's up."

She nodded, the concern still clear on her face, "Ok Sensei."

My mouth twitched back into the perpetual grin that had always been plastered across _my_ face as I caught on to something I hadn't thought about and consciously switched back over to English, "Also, I know you've got Hinata's memories in there somewhere because you're speaking Japanese like a native." I had to stifle a small laugh at her expression.

==Hinata==

I was speaking Japanese. Just whaaa?! No I wasn't, or maybe I was doing it unconsciously or something… Oh hell this was creepy. My face must have been a sight because Chuckling Ghost/Shikamaru Nara's smile was getting bigger, if that was possible.

I needed a drink. A whiskey tonic on the rocks with a splash of lime. I groaned in annoyance as the headache I'd managed to ignore these last few minutes came back full force. Annoyance I knew made me look more intimidating and it had the desired effect as my accomplice in this madhouse suddenly bit his tongue nervously. I suppressed the urge to fist pump in victory.

==Shikamaru==

I raised an eyebrow at her as she suddenly radiated Killing Intent at me, biting back my next statement in surprise. Even though Hinata's face was physically incapable of doing "intimidating", the Killing Intent went halfway to making it work, "Don't gimme that look, I'm crazy not a troll. Just thank whatever's done this to us that you've got Hinata's memories. If you weren't able to speak and understand the language Hinata's been raised with, your cover would be blown immediately. For now, just roll with it. The fact that you don't even realize you're doing it is a _good_ thing, it means you know it as well as English. People who go abroad and learn the language like natives slip into their second tongue without realizing it all the time."

I snapped out a pulled punch at her head without warning and her hand snapped up to block and return an open handed strike to my shoulder that made it go slightly numb as the chakra went wonky. She scowled at me, "What was that for?!" I grinned, "Think about what you just did."

==Hinata==

It took me a second, but then I realized, I had just gone after an opponent and _not_ died? My mind was curiously electrified by adrenaline and joy while being slow and thick like thinking through honey. It was a weird and unsettling feeling but strangely pleasant once I got used to it. If this was what it felt like to be a fight I was going to _like_ it here. Now if I could just find some exploding tags and alcohol, I always knew I thought better on alcohol.

==Shikamaru==

My grin widened slightly at the smile spreading across Empress/Hinata's face, "See? It's all still in there, you've just gotta find it."

"The other advantage to all this," I added in English, "Is that nobody here speaks or understands English, they don't even use the same alphabet. That means we come with built in code that nobody can understand. Should help us get our bearings straight since we can discuss what's going on without people thinking we're crazy and/or prophets," I added.

I could see her roll the idea around in her head before smirking, "Sounds like fun."

I grinned, "If you keep smiling like that Hinata, you're going to have Emo-king Duckybutt III and the bright orange wonder fighting over you." She rolled her eyes at the declaration, "Dating and romantic stuff don't interest me, but they're welcome to beat themselves to a bloody pulp if they wish, it might prove entertaining."

I chuckled, "Just be sure you give me time to sell tickets and take bets." Then I sobered up, "On a more serious note, we've gotta keep those two off the same team if we're going to prevent their team from imploding." She nodded and we spent the rest of lunch talking about it, continuing the planning through the afternoon via notes in English, and by the time we headed home, we had a plan.

 **END CHAPTER JUTSU!**

 _(Upon releasing the jutsu, Shikamaru shakes his head and looks around with a wild look in his eye)_ Wh-where? Mari-chan?! What?!

 _(Hinata faints from a nosebleed)_ N-naruto-kun…

 _(Ghost grins)_ I take it you two had fun in our Heaven Viewing Technique?

 _(Shikamaru glares and Hinata picks herself up)_

 _(Empress smiles)_ Want to see what we got up to while we were in your bodies?

 _(Shikamaru pales slightly)_ You what?

 _(Empress turns on the projector with the highlights reel)_

 _(Shikamaru grows gradually paler and Hinata watches wide eyed)_

 _(Ghost grins)_ Oh, and one more thing…

 _(Temari bursts in with Naruto hot on her heels)_ WHERE IS HE?! WHERE IS THAT PERVERT?!

 _(Naruto doesn't say anything, he just scoops up a glowing red Hinata and bolts as Temari proceeds to demolish the room chasing Shikamaru)_

 _(Empress looks at Ghost)_ Is there something you forgot to tell me about that jutsu?

 _(Ghost sniggers)_ Whoever they were thinking about was having the same thoughts the whole time.

 _(Empress stares)_ You are _evil._

 _(Ghost grins)_ The evilest evil genius there is!


	2. Chapter 2: Sparring

Chapter 2

==Later, Shikamaru==

I sat down on a rock in one of the training fields and made my hand sign. Out stretched my shadow, and I willed it to rise up as if for Shadow Strangle Jutsu, _Now sharper, like a sword… sharper, sharper…SLASH._ I willed the sharpened shadow to strike like a whip. The shadow struck like a whip and left a shallow gash on the tree I had been aiming for. I smiled, "That's one. Now I just need to train for power and numbers."

I kept practicing and before long I heard someone approaching. I smiled, "Hinata-hime, so glad you could make it. I'm guessing you remembered how to look with your eyes?"

==H==

"Yes," I answered voice strong and confident, ringing with authority as a noble's daughter should be (I could so get used to that) my feet slipping easily into a stance I recognized as the wheel like movements of the Gentle-fist, feet spread apart for balance and hands outstretched and bent for maximum efficiency.

==S==

I smiled as I turned and rose into an easy stance, "Are you ready?" She nodded and I smiled, "Good." I shot forward like a bow from an arrow, hammering a full body kick into her guard. She skidded back a foot or two from the force of the kick. I smiled, _She's remembered her stances and got them solid, that kick would've staggered a big man if it caught him unaware, and it would've sent her flying._ Then I set my front foot back into my stance as I raised my hands into the open handed guard I was so used to. Hinata-hime recovered quickly and lashed out, her hand speed very impressive and with a minimum of inefficient movement. Years of experience were all that allowed me to skip back out of range, grinning from ear to ear, _God how I've missed this..._

==H==

At first getting the synchronization of feet, hands, chakra and most importantly the opponents movements was like trying to dance in the middle of a choreographed routine. Let's just skip over my unglamorous beginning attempts (the taste of dirt is rough, gritty, and profoundly irritating). But once I got the rhythm down it became a kind of meditation. My body knew the dance and the rest of me flowed, my thoughts thousands of miles away while staying in the moment.

The pattern was slow, comforting, and surprisingly, necessary. Like breathing the steps were ebb and flow. In and out. As grounded and consistent as waves on the shore. Steady and consistent.

==S==

I grinned as Hinata-hime closed up the last hole in her guard that I could spot without meditation on it and started anticipating my combination attacks which had up until now been nailing her every time. She even started throwing a few at me, and within what couldn't have been more than a minute my right arm had gone numb from all the Gentle-fist strikes I had blocked with it. Numb, but still mobile, not that she needed to know that. If she didn't remember, she was about to.

I faked staggering back, grinning as I let my arm go limp and clutched it, "Very good Hinata-hime, if there's any chakra left in this arm I doubt I can use it. Come on we're not done." I shifted into a stance and raised my left hand into a half guard. Hinata-hime lunged at me with a grin, tasting victory at last. She hesitated suddenly mid strike and I knew she had seen the wicked look in my eye, but by then it was too late. I skipped forward, sweeping her hands up and out of the way as I torqued the wickedest right hook I could into her solar plexus. She exhaled hard as the wind flew out of her and I stepped forward to catch her around the waist before she fell on her ass.  
==H==

Among the steady hum-thrum of cicadas and the prickle-goosebumps of chakra-static, my inner self noticed another "presence" one that was wilder, deeper… The chakra echoed in a way that reminded me of the way sound echoes off smooth caverns and I started, some part of me having enough sense to grasp a handful of kunai and launch them at the unfamiliar signature. What had to be the most girlish scream I'd ever heard suddenly came up almost instantly stifled for a cry rage. "My... _My Make-Out Paradise!_ "

Stifling laughter I bolted for the relative safety of the more inhabited area of town, wondering whether I should leave "Shikamaru" to Kakashi's less than tender devices.

==S==

I sighed as I watched Hinata-hime bolt, "Last notes of the day Hinata, always look where you're striking and never lunge to avoid overextending yourself!" Hinata laughed over her shoulder and shot me a thumbs up. I sighed, "She certainly got her second wind quickly."

Then I turned to the irate Jonin behind me, "Sorry about her. She's a little skittish sometimes." Kakashi was staring after her retreating form, an orange book with a kunai stuck clean through it at the spine in his hand. I grimaced in distaste, "But that is truly a terrible thing right there." Kakashi glowered at me, "Don't get all high and mighty with me about my choice of reading material kid."

I raised an eyebrow, "Eh? No not the book, the kunai in the book!" Kakashi blinked, slightly abashed, "Oh…" Then depression lines formed over his head, "Yes, yes it is." I tilted my head, pretending to study him, "Are you…Kakashi Hatake?" Kakashi looked at me, "Yes. Why?" I extended my hand, "Shikamaru Nara. I'll be graduating the Academy in a few days. I hear you're one of the strongest Jonin Leaf has, and the only one that has the Sharingan. I figure that since Sasuke is graduating with me, you'll probably be a Jonin Instructor this year. Thought I should introduce myself in case you wound up being my Sensei."

Kakashi smiled and shook my hand, "That's very sound reasoning. It's nice to meet you. Shikaku's your father right?" I nodded, "Yeah, he's my dad." Then I motioned Kakashi closer. He leaned down curious and I whispered, "By the way, is it just me, or does our class clown Naruto bear a shocking resemblance to your sensei?" Kakashi froze and his visible eye widened. A grin twitched across my face, "Knew it. Relax, Naruto's my friend, I wouldn't throw him under the ox-cart for anything, but it does bring me to a very important request."

Kakashi straightened up eyeing me warily, "Go on." "I have a hunch that you might want to teach Naruto, and Sasuke needs someone to help him with his Sharingan," I said, "That means there's a chance they'll both end up on _your_ team. If that happens their team will implode and somebody will get hurt. Some might think their rivalry could be used to the benefit of their training, but those two would be going at it so often that their mutual dislike would build faster than their trust for each other. They'd work together to save their lives, but nothing less would get them to stow it. I'm not a Jonin, my word doesn't carry as much weight as yours, but please believe me. Those two will compete with each other no matter whether they're on the same team or not, and putting them together would be like putting a paper bomb and a lit match in the same pot and expecting it not to explode. A little occasional cross team competition will be plenty to keep their rivalry burning and anything more will have it raging out of control to the point that they'll be legitimately trying to kill each other. Trust me Kakashi-sama, I know my friends, and those two can _not_ be put on the same team. It would be like putting Sakura and Ino together but worse!"

Kakashi watched me and visibly pondered my words. Then he sat down on the rock I had been perched on earlier, looking down and trying hard to digest what I'd told him, "Hmmm… That's… disturbing. I've been hanging around both of them for ages, they're like little brothers to me. I never would've guessed their rivalry was so heated, I know they talk about it a lot, but I didn't realize it was that bad. Although I guess it does explain why I can never find them both at the same time." He sighed, then he looked at me, "Alright Shikamaru. You seem to have a pretty good idea of how your classmates work together or not, got any more recommendations?"

I thought for a moment, compiling the list in my head, "Naruto and Kiba are friends, but they compete with each other too. Kiba's an alpha male, he'll want to be the leader of whatever team he's on, and Naruto doesn't just let go of rivalries. He doesn't let much of anything go. I wouldn't recommend any pair of Sasuke, Naruto or Kiba in the same team. It's just asking for trouble. Ino and Sakura are friends, but they are also heated rivals and quite the tsundere's with each other. They're still each other's best friends, but they're catty with each other and always fighting. I wouldn't recommend them together either. Give them some time apart to grow independent of each other, they'll still compete when they're together, but it won't be nearly as disruptive as having them on the same team constantly."

I took a breath, "Ino's a bit more independent than Sakura, and I'd say she's the stronger of the two as well. Sakura is weak in most things other than book smarts and the first time she comes up against a real enemy, it's going to rattle her, badly. She'll need someone to keep her motivation pumping and pick up whatever slack she brings to the team. That brings me to the bone of contention between them, Sasuke. They actually became rivals competing for him even though he apparently doesn't care anything about romance."

I exhaled, "Honestly I'd say they both annoy the hell out of him, but as much as Sakura irritates him, she needs to be on the same team as him. She doesn't like Naruto even though he absolutely adores her, and I don't think she thinks that highly of Kiba either. Those are the other two alpha guys likely to make genin, and Sakura's always been a more of a follower, not a leader. She absolutely idolizes Sasuke; having him on hand will instill just as much a sense of security in her as having a spare Jonin on hand. It'll be good for Sasuke's ego too provided she takes my advice and stops smothering him enough that he can actually take her opinion seriously."

"Ino is the alpha _female_ of our class, best all-around scores out of anybody even though Sasuke's better at nin, gen and taijutsu and Sakura narrowly edges her out in book learning. I think Ino's alpha enough to keep Kiba in check, and like Sakura she doesn't think highly of Naruto at all, which would piss him off no end. Whichever of Naruto and Kiba she's with, she might not think much of them and they may even be at each other's throats initially, but she'll grow to respect them given time, and they her. She's far from without her charms after all," I mused with a smile before continuing, "She's already friends with me and Choji because our families are so close, so either of us could work as the third member of that team, but she thinks Shino's bugs are icky, so I wouldn't put them on the same team."

I scratched my head, "Hinata's had a crush on Naruto for years, but she got over it recently and decided to get serious about being a kunoichi. She still respects Naruto, probably more than anyone else in our class, and that's really all Naruto asks of anybody. Shino is generally rather objective. He'll respect Naruto if Naruto earns it, and Hinata respects him as well. So those three would make a good team."

"That leaves me and Choji," I continued, "Choji is a follower like Sakura. He's a very content guy, give him an order and he'll follow it. He's my best friend, but since we can't be on the same team given the rest of the way I've lined up the nine of us, I'd put him on the team with Kiba and Ino since he is friends with both of them as well. He'll make a good mediator for those two when their sensei's not around, whereas I probably would smack their heads together and tell 'em to get a room."

Kakashi gave a little snort of laughter and I continued, "That leaves me on the team with Sakura and Sasuke, which can also work out very well. I can keep Sasuke humble and get his head out of his ass when he gets tunnel vision without him considering me a rival like he would Naruto or Kiba, not to mention that my Shadow jutsu can hold him down if he flips his lid and goes running off after Itachi." I smirked, "And I bet I can pry Sakura's lips away from kissing his ass enough that she'll be able to grow and become a viable kunoichi with proper training."

"Long explanation short," I finished with a smile, "Ino, Kiba and Choji form one team, Naruto, Hinata and Shino form another, and then throw me in with Sasuke and Sakura." I shot Kakashi a glance, "Is that a notebook?" Kakashi shrugged as he jotted the last of it down, "You want me to remember all of this don't you?" I nodded, "Fair enough."

Kakashi put away the notepad and pencil, "So, one last thing before I go relay all of this to Lord Hokage, if these are the teams that are formed, which one should I take?" I thought for a moment, "I know you feel obliged to teach Naruto Kakashi-sama, but honestly? From what I hear your style wouldn't be suited to Naruto at all, and it would fit Sasuke like a glove. I honestly think Sasuke would thrive with you as his sensei."

Kakashi looked down and I could tell he was probably biting his lip, debating the merit of my argument with his sense of guilt. "If you're feeling guilty about contemplating not training Naruto," I added, "you could always make sure he ends up with someone as well suited to teaching him as you are to teach Sasuke. I seem to recall hearing somewhere that Asuma Sarutobi is a rather laid back easy going guy. He'd probably get on very well with Naruto, and if Naruto has wind release, then there's another perfect match, especially since Naruto wouldn't let Asuma get _too_ easy-going on the training."

Kakashi nodded, seeming satisfied with my reasoning, "Alright this all sounds good. I'll run those notes up to Lord Hokage, although I should mention," he smiled at me in a way that made me certain I wasn't going to like whatever it was, "I'm a little surprised you didn't want on the same team as your little Hinata-hime." He laughed at my expression and disappeared in a blast of chakra smoke.

I scratched my head with a sigh, "Walked right into that one." Then I smirked, _Regardless of who she really is, that's still Hinata's body, and that DOES mean she's gonna be gorgeous._ I chuckled, _Not interested in romance and dating. Wonder how long that'll hold up once the ol' Misattribution of Arousal kicks in. Tch, for that matter, has she even thought about the fact that she's in the body of the clan heiress? She's probably gonna have to get hitched and be expected to have kids when she gets older. Ah well, she'll figure it out._

I laughed a little and looked up at the sky as I remembered the best reason to be Shikamaru. Temari's smile hovered in my mind's eye for a moment and a little breeze blew through the clearing as I smiled, "Troublesome, troublesome, troublesome."

==Meanwhile, Hinata==

Walking the Hyuuga training grounds was like taking a walk through a living monument to history and the ways architecture could be used for psychological intimidation. The vast _openness_ of the walkways and streets gave a viewpoint to each other so that there was no way a person couldn't be seen from multiple angles. The effect gave an uncomfortable impression of nakedness, like everything and everyone was on display.

Somehow this made me both angry at the lack of privacy and gave me an appreciation for the psychological ruthlessness of the clan… a clan that tortured and intimidated its own members for power. Bile coated the back of my tongue.

That just made Neji's glower as I accidentally bumped into him on our adjoining walk to the training grounds all the more awkward.

"Hello cousin," I said confidently, making sure my tone and body language adequately showed self-confidence, "Would you care to join me for a spar?" The surprised raise of his eyebrows and slack shoulders showcased his shock before it was wiped away into an impressive mask of polite interest.

"Very well then, Lady Hinata", his tone as self-assured and arrogant as I'd have expected. Even though knowing _why_ the branch clan hated and reviled the "main" clan for their Bird Cage Seal made an uncomfortable feeling of pity settle around my heart, I managed to harden my thoughts by reminding myself that without proving myself a capable ruthless leader the changes I planned on making would never come and the abominable savagery of the past would never settle into a less militarized sect.

Breathing in, and breathing out I focused on each individual nerve and muscle like an individual string of some vast instrument that I needed to play perfectly. Giving myself one last _atta girl_ , I settled the thought of _victory_ into my mind like a prayer and then heard myself say, "Begin!"

Neji came at me with a powerful strike to the ribs which I dodged by doing something I knew he wouldn't expect. Using a deceptive mix of flips and whirls, I worked on evading as I subtly implanted small flashes of my own chakra through the air. The one advantage I had was my flexibility of both body and chakra and that's what I would use.

My chakra flipped and whorled along with me in clouds of what to my Byakugan seemed the faintest smoke of orange and tufts of golden brown as Neji's missed strikes discharged. I kept it up, having a surprisingly easy time dancing around and brushing aside his jabs. I didn't even need my Byakugan to see him coming! When I had finally managed to surround him with the chakra cloud, which was much more mine than his, I gave Neji my best evil grin and instinctively formed a hand sign that I was also conveniently able to turn into a finger gun, "Bang."

The chakra erupted into flames around him. He sprang back scorched and right into my range of divination, with his guard utterly a shambles from his surprise. "Two four six eight ten twelve fourteen sixteen eighteen I don't want to count the rest but SIXTY-FOUR!" I declared with a savage delight before hammering a side kick into his gut and knocking him back as I finished the lightning fast 64 Palms technique.

Neji fell flat on his back doing his level best to glare at me in fury, but I barely noticed his anger as the sound of soft clapping was heard over Neji's gritted teeth and my own harsh gasps for air. Looking up I was shocked to discover Hiashi Hyuuga with a look of barely concealed pride on his face clapping his hands softly. It was then that I had the unfortunate problem of passing out.

==Shikamaru==

I scratched my jaw thoughtfully, "What to do now…" _I should really do something about Naruto, Hime's liable to kill him if she has to put up with him like he is now… Heck Shino may beat her to it… Better get Dad-Shikaku and Mom-Yoshino to help, they may be able to spot things I won't…_ I smiled thinly, _looks like I'm inviting Naruto to dinner._

I bounced away through the trees and then across town back home. I found Mom-Yoshino outside practicing her Shadow jutsu (since she married the Clan Head, she was allowed to learn them, and she's a lot like Naruto in that she doesn't stop working on a thing until she gets it right. The difference is that she aims for _perfect_ instead of right, so she's as skilled as Dad-Shikaku if not more).

I dropped down out of the trees behind her, "Hi Mom!" She looked over her shoulder, "Hi Shikamaru, how was your day?" I ran a hand through my spikes to scratch my scalp, "Mmm…really good but with a small fly in the ointment." Yoshino paused brutalizing the training dummy with Shadow Stitching to give me her full attention, "What happened?"

I scratched my head, "Well, ya know Naruto? I think I may have figured out why he's dead last, back of the pack in class." Mom-Yoshino frowned, motherly concern kicking in, "Why?" "Weeell…ya know how he's an orphan?" She nodded, a troubled look crossing her face, "Yes?" "Well I kinda followed him around a little today because I was curious and I couldn't help but notice that nobody likes him," then I raised and wiggled nine fingers with a grim look on my face, "and it's a bit more than the pranks if you know what I mean. Before you ask, people are careless and it's not hard to figure out if you listen to what they say when they think nobody's listening."

"So," I continued, "It occurs to me, that even if he was in an orphanage for a little while and maybe he had genin baby sitters as a small child, if everyone older than us knows about that, then it's entirely possible that Naruto never had anybody to teach him little things like how to read. Since Iruka-Sensei's the only Academy teacher that likes him, it's entirely possible that Naruto's at least partially illiterate, which would explain why he's so far behind even though he's far from dumb. If he feels dumb whenever he comes into a classroom, and nobody will help him correct that, and he only gets scolded and ridiculed for something he can't help, then he'd have quite a lot of reason to cut class don't you think?"

Mom-Yoshino's eyes were wide in concern as I went on, "So, that being the case and with Naruto being who he is, he'd have issues with authority because authority has tried to undermine him at every opportunity. Given that he won't stop until he's a shinobi, Hokage if you believe he can do it, then it serves to reason that someone needs to address those issues before he gets disillusioned and does something, mmm, drastic, stupid and really, really bad for his health. In light of that I'd like to invite him over to dinner if it's not too troublesome so that you and Dad can help figure out if I'm right and help me fix it before something bad happens if I am."

Mom-Yoshino nodded, "Go. Get. Him." I nodded with a smile, "Right." I turned to go and then walked back around in a very small circle that either looked very funny or very silly (not that I cared which), "Before I do though, can I have some money to buy some water balloons?" Mom-Yoshino frowned at me, "Why do you need water balloons?" "I've got a theory on how to do the Fourth Hokage's Rasengan and I need water balloons and rubber balls. If Naruto's who I've started to suspect he is, then it's his inheritance. Even if he's not who I think he is, just imagine the looks on people's faces when _he_ busts that out. Give him the cape and folks'll be running away as fast as they can screamin' bout a ghost."

Mom-Yoshino's jaw dropped, "How did you…" "Look at my friend with the monument in the backdrop and draw the blindingly obvious connection? Pretty easily. So, water balloons?" I smiled winningly and Mom-Yoshino nodded, "I'll get some when I go to the store tomorrow." I grinned, "Cool. I'll go get Naruto."

==Half an Hour Later==

I bounced down onto the street next to Naruto, "Hey Naruto," Naruto sprang away in surprise, "AH! Oh it's you, what's up Shikamaru?" "You're invited to dinner at my place. My mother insists and if I don't bring you she's going to be unbearably troublesome. Using my Shadow Possession on you to make you come to dinner if you try to refuse is infinitely less trouble, so you're not getting out of this. It's free food, and I'll let you in on a jutsu I'm working on if you don't make me drag you." "FREE FOOD AND A JUTSU?! YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL!" I dug a finger in my ear, "Well that's good, now can you please quiet down a little before you deafen me?" "Sorry," Naruto grinned, "So when should I come over?" "Right now, come on."

==That Evening==

It was an odd evening at the Nara house. Very odd indeed was the orange and yellow walking kunai target sitting at our table, for once looking nervous and being quiet in wake of its unfamiliar circumstances. I was quietly cursing myself for not having come up with a plan to wrangle Naruto's reason for his bad grades out of him for us to fix so that he might get his act together sooner. Of course, Mom-Yoshino was the one to make the first and in retrospect probably best move, looking at me with a cheery smile that only someone who knew her or who'd had a similar mother would recognize for the terrifying warning it was, "So Shikamaru, would you like to explain why you are tied with Naruto for the worst grades in your class when I know damn well you can do better?"

My hand trembled slightly as I reached for my next piece of food, _Goddammit she's just like MY mom…_ "Poor test taking skills?" Then Shikamaru's memories kicked in and I realized storms of nuclear rage like the one about to be unleashed were a regular occurrence at the Nara house, _Holy hell she's a demon!_ F*** a woman scorned, Hell hath no fury like an underperforming braniac's pissed off mother!

Mom-Yoshino's smile didn't waver, "Oh? Skills like…" her whole demeanor and appearance instantly changed as she flooded the room with killing intent, most of which was aimed at me and made me feel an inch high, but the spillover was still enough to leave Naruto pale as a sheet, " _…BEING BOTHERED TO PICK UP A PENCIL AND FILL IN THE ANSWERS?"_

I think Naruto would've bolted just then, if not for the fact that Mom-Yoshino always caught everyone at the table with her Shadow Paralysis whenever she went off on a rant. Common misconception about Mom-Yoshino is that she's a Chunin grade shinobi. Ah-ah, not even close. She retired at Chunin to take care of me because Dad-Shikaku makes enough as Jonin Commander that she could do that. If she hadn't, I think she'd be Jonin Commander and Dad-Shikaku would be the housewife. That would be a very different or very dead Shikaku because he'd only live so long before Mom-Yoshino beat the laziness out of him and he developed a very good _make-a-sandwich-no-jutsu_ or died by castration.

Whatever respect I had for Shikamaru shot through the roof if he'd had the freakin balls to continue being lazy after being on the receiving end of a rant like this, which I knew from his memories he had been, repeatedly. I'd been on the receiving end of one myself once at about this age, and I'm pretty sure I had never lied about doing my homework again. It's one thing to be scolded angrily and then grounded for a year. It's another thing entirely for your normally tiny very pleasant mother to turn into the Red Hulk (ten feet tall flames shooting out the ears and all) at the drop of a hat. There's a damn good reason Momma-bears are the scary ones!

Upon reflection, I realize that this is probably why Shikamaru and Shikaku are so largely unflappable, they have _this_ waiting for them at home! With a mind as sharp as mine is in Shikamaru's brain (about 1.3 times my usual intelligence), and Shikamaru's resistance to killing intent built up over years of rants like this, it takes a shocking amount of killing intent to make my brain shut down so much that I don't even remember something through wanting to burrow into the ground and hide like a prairie dog that's gotten wind of a coyote sniffing around. That's exactly what happened though. By the time Yoshino turned away from me, I had no clue what she'd said beyond that first very loud sentence. I wouldn't call it a shout, roar or shriek, although most probably would if they hadn't heard the true shouting, roaring and shrieking that came afterwards.

I made a mental note to apologize to Naruto for bringing him here in the tiny lull of Yoshino turning away from me, only to turn the full force of her wrath on Naruto, "AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?! WHAT'S _**YOUR**_ EXCUSE FOR YOUR POOR GRADES?!" I can only assume that every opponent Naruto ever faced in canon are comparatively chumps at Killing Intent, or there's some other factor at play in life or death situations that makes Naruto impervious to it, because Naruto broke like a water balloon under the terror of Yoshino's glare.

It all came pouring out in terrified sobs and begging for his life. Turns out I was right. He _was_ illiterate, almost completely so. It also came out that most of the stuff that fanfiction held to be true, about the civilians doing everything possible to spite him shy of outright mobbing him, was in fact dead on the money. The one thing that caught me off guard though, was that Naruto knew. He knew full well how badly they'd been screwing him over, and that was heartbreaking. It was even worse because he knew and still wanted to be Hokage, but only so that people wouldn't hate him anymore.

Naruto wound up staying over that night, and by lunch the next day Dad-Shikaku was quietly talking Old Sarutobi into letting adoption papers for Naruto through. I smiled slightly, _I had always wanted a brother_ …

==Hinata==

Being unconscious sucked. Mostly it sucked because it meant that at some point the person unconscious had to become conscious again. Which is what I was unfortunately in the process of. Yeah. Light faded in and out, as I reassembled my senses to something resembling normal.

"Hiashi was clapping?' I heard myself say, my voice sounding scratchy and hoarse. _He was_ _ **proud**_ _of me…_ the idea was to alien to think on. My legs felt like jelly as I started a few times to make them hold my weight. The soft thump as I fell back to my knees alerted a shadowy form outside that swiftly opened the sliding door took one look at me then bolted for some room to the right.

Within moments Hiashi arrived, with the maid (at least that's what she seemed to be; she had her headband on even indoors, so either a branch family maid or someone just returned from a mission). I was too tired to care and the tray Hiashi carried filled with water and a glass was too tempting to ignore.

Hiashi sat directly in front of me, his eyes staring into every crevice of my eyes, and deciphering my stiff posture for what it was, a challenge to his always uncaring brutal standards to which I had never measured up.

Then something happened that I'd never in my life thought possible, with flawless grace he smiled and gave me a soft pat on the shoulder, pride radiating from him his smiling visage and softened shoulders. No longer did he hold himself in bitter aggressive stances around me. The softening was as shocking as if he'd voiced the sentiment aloud.

 _What the hell?_ _!_

My shock must have shown because Hiashi's shoulder's suddenly tensed with nervous energy and his eyes were on anywhere but at eye level with my own. Mouth tightened with some inner agitation Lord Hiashi gracefully stood and walked out. His footsteps were slightly faster than usual, as if he were trying to get out of the room as fast as possible.

 _He must be feeling so guilty for all the times he called me a failure, or allowed it to be said of me…_ I didn't know whether to smile or grimace.

==OMAKE==

==Ghost==

I sat in the chair in Shikamaru's hospital room with Empress as Lady Tsunade finished her examination of the poor guy with half his body covered in casts and bandages. Like Tsunade and Empress, I was trying very hard not to laugh as I said, "I really am sorry Shikamaru, I didn't realize she'd take it quite that way. What all kind of insane kinky stuff did you do to her in there to make her so mad?"

Shikamaru's wounds were all courtesy of Temari, who had very much not appreciated being the star of a two hour long genjutsu induced fantasy played out in Shikamaru's mind and projected into her own. Unfortunately for Shikamaru, she had caught up to him in a very small recording booth where there was just enough room for her to swing and not enough room for Shikamaru to dodge. Thus Shikamaru was now in a hospital bed with several fractured ribs, two black eyes, a recently dislocated shoulder and broken collarbone on one side and a broken arm on the other. Surprisingly though, he could apparently still make at least one hand sign because he shot a glare at me and suddenly his shadow erupted up from the ground and smashed me through the ceiling.

A few minutes later I walked back through the door to the hospital room as though nothing had happened, "That bad huh?" Shikamaru scowled at me and Tsunade looked at the person who had followed me in and was hovering in the door way, "What are you doing here Jiraiya?"

"He heard someone say "kinky stuff" and his pervy senses were tingling telling him you were in the area, so he wanted to come see if you were involved and if so could he please be too." Jiraiya got very pale at the glare Tsunade shot him and turned around and walked right back out, earning laughs from all present. Then Empress looked over at me, "You know Ghost, Shikamaru's probably going to inflict some god awful vengeance on you when he gets out of here since it was your technique that made Temari upset with him."

The look on Shikamaru's face told me that was _exactly_ what was going to happen, so then it was my turn to be rather pale. "You're right," I said quietly, "If I lost a girl like Temari in a situation like this there'd be hell to pay for all involved." Then I brightened back up, "So the only thing to do is go get her back for you eh Shikamaru? Don't worry I'll send her back here as soon as I find her and I bet she's going to be just as happy as she was upset. Be back soon!" and out the door I went.

==A Little While Later, Empress==

My first impression of the Hokage office was that the stains from the now empty sake bottles and sweet confectionery sugar made an interesting assortment of glittery stains. The second impression was that Lady Tsunade's grin and body language were far too happy for such an early morning meeting, and she was far too happy in general for someone with a hangover.

Needless to say that the strange sense that warns you when danger is near blared bright red across my vision.

"You girl!" Tsunade declared in a loud obnoxious voice that left no doubt to her relationship as one of Naruto's kin.

"Me ma'am?" I asked the shyness of being the center of attention making my face burn. "Do you know the three ways to be a great Kunoichi?" she asked, her voice sly and crafty, making me even more suspicious.

"Love the village, trust your companions, and keep your head on straight," I replied, my voice confident in its surety.

"Good thoughts, but no. It's always have good sake, make sure your companions aren't a selfish asshole and an annoying pervert, and never use your Hokage title to bully jonin into gambling with you."

"So how much did you lose?" I asked ruthlessly. "It's not that I lost it's that I _woo-on!_ " she wailed like a child with a scraped knee. "What?" I asked, confusion coloring my tone. "I won, so something absolutely horrible is going to happen." she wailed.

At that moment Team Guy burst in and yelled in unison, "LADY TSUNADE!" "What is it?! Can't you see I'm in the middle of an appointment?!" Lee, Neji and Tenten all started talking at once so Tsunade slammed her hand on the desk almost hard enough to demolish it, "ONE AT A TIME! NEJI! REPORT!"

"Naruto has eloped with Lady Hinata and the entire Hyuga Clan is in an uproar!" "DAMMIT! TENTEN!" "Itachi Uchiha and Kisame Hoshigaki have been spotted in the village!" "SHIT! LEE!" "Jiraiya has found Lord Third's crystal ball!" The entire room was deathly silent for a moment, then Tsunade's scream of indignation and horror blew the windows out.

 **AN:** _The omakes take place in an alternate dimension, timeline whatever. They are just for fun and do not affect the main story in anyway as they take place after the events of the main story courtesy of inter-dimensional shenanigans which cause time to flow differently. The omake-verse timeline is set after the Sasuke retrieval mission, but it has not yet been decided exactly_ _ **when**_ _after that. As I said though, they are just for fun so don't get your knickers in a twist over them as that would defeat the point._


	3. Chapter 3: Kageryu

**AN:** _First off, I am so sorry for going so long without an update. It's terrible, I'm utterly appalled that I let your wait go on that long and I'm going to try to keep it from happening again. I've recently acquired a job and been going full tilt all day and been too drained of energy and time to get much done. I looked at my stories a few weeks ago and decided that over two months between posts on any given work, let alone ALL my stories was unacceptable and that I was going to try to fix that._

 _So I now give you my_ **HALLOWEEN MEGA MONSTER POST!**

 _We have a chapter of…_

 **= The Kinjutsu 3** , _where we answer the questions:_ _What if Naruto weren't the only one to learn a powerful forbidden technique from the Forbidden Scroll the night of the Mizuki Incident? What if Shikamaru woke up on the mysterious right side of the bed and gave up laziness for a day just to see what happens? What if Hinata suddenly grew a spine a few days before the graduation exam?_

 **= Jiraiya-Sensei** , _where Jiraiya has an epiphany a day before Naruto graduates the Academy and resolves to set the many mistakes of his life right. AU_

 **= Fallen Leaves,** _which is a look at a possible near-absolute-worst case scenario for Konoha. At the end of the Third World War, Stone and Cloud launch a surprise last minute assault with three fully realized Jinchuriki. Six years later, Itachi kills all remaining Uchiha except for Obito and Rin. Now with scarcely two dozen people left in the Village, can Hidden Leaf make a return to glory? Naruto thinks so!_

 **= Fairy Tail Oberon,** _where e_ _verybody's getting new tricks to keep up with an OPMC and the more powerful world they now live in. Please note that there is no skipping between the characters joining the guilds as kids and their adventures as young adults, all the adventures they have between joining Fairy Tail and the start of canon are being explored as well. There will be new villains and threats in addition to those present in canon. Very AU. Please enjoy._

 **And not one but TWO chapters of**

 **= Naruto Vermillion Thunder,** _where Naruto says what needs to be said_ _and knows what needs to be known. He is every bit as wily as the fox whose power he draws upon when things get tough. Jiraiya's been around upholding his duties and Naruto has benefited appropriately. I've taken considerable liberties with the world at large, so the geography, politics & etc are new and I think rather original. By far the most powerful AU-verse I've written._

 **= Konoha Blast,** _where Deidara is recruited to Konoha after going rogue and becomes Naruto's mentor and leader of the new Konoha Demolitions Corps!_

 _ **My other stories will be updated soon as well.**_

 _ **Now without further ado, let's get started!**_

Chapter 3

==The Next Day, Shikamaru==

I exhaled and willed my shadow up my legs. It was unsurprisingly a rather cool sensation as I wrapped it up around my legs, up my back and willed it to split and run down my arms. I wrapped it more tightly around my arms than I had my legs and then I willed the shadows around each arm to split into three at the tips. I spread my fingers into three groups on each hand, thumb, index and middle, and ring finger and pinky. My shadow obediently followed the curve of my fingers and sharpened into half a dozen wicked looking claws, three on each hand.

I grinned and squared up with my training dummy before ripping into it with my claws. I grinned savagely. The training dummies were designed to provide about the same resistance as human flesh and were even lined with hard clay skeletons that mimicked bones. My new shadow claws punched through and closed around my target. I grinned with what might've seemed frightful savagery as I ripped the fake heart out. Never let it be said that Leaf shinobi don't go all out to make their training realistic, at least at the Academy level, I amended as I thought as I considered how woefully underprepared Squad 7 had seemed in canon.

The training dummies not only had realistic skeletons, they had little fake organs too, and were annoyingly full of what I hoped was fake blood as the stuff fountained out. I stepped back out of the spurting trails slightly annoyed and then noticed the rest of the class staring at me. It occurred to me that perhaps regular last minute taijutsu practice hadn't been the place to test what I was dubbing my Kageryuken (Shadow Dragon Fist)?

I raised my hands in a confused and noncommittal shrugging gesture, smirking slightly with the little fake heart still in my hands dripping (fake?) blood, "What?"

Ino was the one who broke the silence, with a tentative "Feeling a little vicious there Shikamaru?" I shrugged and crushed the fake heart with a smile. Sadly, it didn't explode like a water balloon, which would've been optimal, but it did still send (fake?) blood fountaining everywhere. It was quite a dramatic effect and judging by the way everyone paled instantly, it was probably about as intimidating as I had planned for it to be. "Who me? Vicious? Whatever would give you that idea?"

My smile widened, "Oh don't look so much like frightened bunnies, being overly vicious is too troublesome. Why would I do something so troublesome as be overly vicious when I can just do _this?_ " As I said "this", I snapped my hand into a hand sign and thrust my clawed hand towards the training dummy. The dummy virtually exploded as my Shadow Stitching launched from the palm of my hand, speared into its insides and erupted within it like a shrapnel grenade. "See?" I asked my rather stunned and terrified audience, "Much less troublesome to just be quick and efficient."

There was a long stretch of silence and then Sasuke stepped forward with a determined look on his face, "Let's spar." I smiled and retracted my shadow stitching grenade, "Anything goes or taijutsu only?" Sasuke shot an ever-so-slight glance at the shredded dummy, "Taijutsu only." I smiled and settled into my stance, "Wise choice. Mizuki-sensei if you'd be so kind as to referee."

Mizuki hurried to stand at a point somewhere between us and lowered a hand between us as Sasuke settled into his stance, "Readyyy…?" He made a slight chopping motion with his hand before stepping out of our way, "Fight!" Sasuke immediately launched forward and tried to get me with a sidekick. I smiled as my front arm came up and brushed his foot aside with an openhanded block before catching his ankle. I twisted slightly and torqued a left hook punch towards his gut, he went to block and was immediately flipped on his back as I shoved his foot upwards. Before he could recover I dropped a flying pile driver right into the tip of his nose. I felt the cartilage in his nose give and was slightly surprised as his nose broke, I hadn't meant to hit him quite that hard. No regrets though, the academy-nurse was a skilled med-nin who would be able to patch him up no problem. I did discard the follow-up hits to his solar plexus and groin I had been planning though.

I stood up and stepped back as Sasuke rolled around clutching his broken nose trying his damnedest to hold the tears back and failing. The reason I had aimed for the nose first is because punches in the nose always lead to the eyes watering and often times closing for a moment, which is just wonderful when that nose strike is the opening move of a combination strike such as nose-guts-nuts, or it's big brother nose-eyes-throat. There was a moment of stunned silence, it really was just a day for those wasn't it? Then Mizuki raised his hand, "Winner, Shikamaru."

The spell was then broken and I felt ye olde killing intent from a significant portion of the student body, namely the Sasuke Fan Club, including Sakura and Ino. They were charging. I was analyzing, "Targets acquired, threat level minimal. Strike path calculated. Permission to engage Mizuki-sensei?" Mizuki looked at me a little warily, "Um, sure?" I sprang forth, no Kageryuken, I didn't want to hurt these girls (much), but no particular mercy either.

They had just an instant to try to hesitate and pull out of their charge before I was upon them. Right uppercut to first solar plexus, right elbow strike to second opponent's right arm and left punch to ribs, right palm heel strike to third's torso, twist and catch fourth opponent's left jab with openhanded right block before continuing twist and turning it into a shoulder throw, left spear hand to solar plexus number five and hammer fist to back of skull, right middle block and left open handed block simultaneously, catch and twist to use sixth opponent's wrist caught in left hand to shoulder flip opponent into seventh opponent on right, Sakura incoming on left, left knife hand to deflect her left jab and turn her in the direction I want her to go in, shove into Naruto. Most opponents backing off, final opponent Ino. Dodge axe kick from above, step back out of way of spinning back kick _(God this girl's incredible, how did she throw that out of a perfect split?!)_ , step inside range of left roundhouse and catch leg before wrapping arm around hers and pulling her in close.

I smirked as Ino's generous (for her age anyway) chest was yanked into mine and her startled blue eyes met mine, "You know Ino, you really are too good for Sasuke." Then I dipped her as though we were dancing, "May I steal a kiss from our class's top kunoichi?" She was too stunned to really think about what I'd asked, "Um, ok?" So I kissed her. She was a little too surprised to kiss back.

I set her back up right and twirled her like we were dancing before stepping back without letting go of her hand. I bowed over it and kissed it, "I'd beat a thousand Sasuke's for another kiss like that if you're ever in the mood." Ino was too stunned to reply so after a moment I straightened up and turned to the rest of the class, "Anyone else up for a spar?"

Kiba suddenly barked at me, "I'll take you on! You can't just clobber half the girls in class and kiss Ino and get away with it!" Then he lunged like a linebacker (and if he were in a world where American football existed I'm sure that's what he would've been), and I side stepped before catching the back of his head and slamming him face first into the ground. I stepped back and when he got up with murder in his eyes, he was back on the ground in an instant. This time I put him on his back and dropped the heaviest pile driver elbow strike I could bring into his solar plexus before twisting and following it up with a punch to the exact same spot and springing back to catch his legs behind the knees and flip him onto his stomach. I jumped and pulled my Kageryuken from the shadows inside my coat, effectively giving myself a steel gauntlet, and landing crouched over Kiba's shoulders, drove a punch into the ground with enough force that my fist sank an inch into the hard packed dirt right in front of Kiba's nose. Kiba was immediately very pale and very still.

Mizuki belatedly called, "Winner Shikamaru." I stood up and pulled Kiba back to his feet, casually brushing a little dust off his lapel before turning to Ino, who like everyone else was staring in shocked silence, "Well Ino-chan, Kiba here appears to be quite upset at my having kissed you and is willing to fight for your honor, perhaps you should look at him as future boyfriend material? He's strong, not bad-looking, comes from a well known and noble clan, he's good with puppies, probably kids too. He's from a clan well known for its loyalty and really he would almost certainly treat you very well. Isn't that right Kiba?" Kiba realized after a stunned instant that I was trying to set him up with the class's top kunoichi, "Yeah, yes, absolutely!"

I smiled, "Well very good but please do keep in mind that if you break Ino-chan's heart, Choji and I will break _you._ Ain't that right Choji?" "Right!" Choji agreed before remembering the bag of chips in his hand. I gave Kiba a gentle guiding shove over to Ino with a Naruto-worthy mischievous grin, "You two have fun now!"

Then I turned to Hinata-hime, "How 'bout it Hinata-hime? Care for a spar? You're the strongest fighter here."

==Hinata==

After seeing the what in a real-world-scenario would have been a perfect massacre, I gave a nod, as I set about forming a "special' technique I had just thought up. My opponent needs time to think and analyze what he's going to do and I had no intention of allowing that. Setting up the beginnings of genjutsu to set up wiring the sensory perceptors together, scrambling his neural interface and making the ability to focus impossible, "Yes I accept." "Taijutsu only or anything goes?" "Everything is on the table but we stop at first blood, agreed?"

==S==

"Fair enough," I agreed as my shadows slid from my coat and formed into my claws. Then as I settled into my stance Hinata-hime made a sign and everything exploded into pain. It was like having sand in my eyes and ringing in my ears and fire up my nose while eating jalapenos, and my sense of touch was supercharged so the very feel of the air and my clothes on my skin was insanely distracting. Then the first strike landed and the genjutsu dispelled, allowing me to torque a shot out, only to realize that Hinata had gotten behind me in the window the genjutsu had opened up. Then came the hailstorm of sledgehammer blows and rapid count of strikes. I didn't even have time to admire her speed and skill, she was turning my back into a giant bruise much too fast.

==H==

Grinning at my ability to get the upper hand, I skipped around behind him easily, my chakra control coupled with ballet flexibility allowing me to perform the chakra-shutdown easily. With great precision I made the hand sign to dispel the neural interwork jutsu, just in case it hadn't dispelled with my physical assault.

==S==

I staggered forward, my back feeling hot and sore already as the swelling set in. Closing the chakra points alone doesn't lead to any external damage, but the ethereal blades of chakra getting slammed into you repeatedly is about like being stabbed, except not as messy. Thankfully I could tell from the burning of torn muscle and the fact that I wasn't having any additional pain as I drew breath that she had kept the chakra blades short. My back was going to be a major weak point now, but not completely crippling I thought as I went to one knee and braced myself upright with one fist on the ground. If I fought, I'd probably be in terrible pain the whole time, and there was no doubt, that would've been a winning attack. Still though...

"Very impressive Hime, that was quite a debilitating genjutsu, and your technique is as deadly as it's ever been. Thank you for keeping those strikes shallow, but really you should've used a blade for at least one." I sprang forward and away from her with a roar of effort and pain as the muscles in my back howled at my legs moving. I rolled to a landing and felt as though I had been electrocuted, which almost kept me from rolling back to my feet. Almost. I drew a pair of kunai, "Now though, I can still fight, and I'm going to, even if it hurts like hell."

==H==

"Well then," I said carefully cloaking myself in the foliage around us. "Time to get serious then" Drawing my blades, with a careful circling of chakra wire, I braided the strands around us and finally with wicked glee, attached them Shikamaru's chakra signal, sending the vast network of blades heavily coated with poisons to his signal like hunting hounds after a crippled rabbit.

==S==

I analyzed the kunai zooming in on me and smiled, "Oh by the way, you only sealed the chakra from my neck down." I blew out a plume of fire, something I had practiced the night before until I could do it without signs. The flames themselves weren't enough to deflect the kunai, but the air displaced by them was just enough for me to slide between them.

Then I noticed the wires and with wicked glee fell on top of them, yanking Hinata out of the tree she was in and into view, allowing me to throw one of my kunai. I wasn't sure if I hit her, so I quickly pulled myself back upright. Thankfully that did not require my back muscles because those were screaming so many swearwords at me that I'd need an entire page to write them all down. I examined Hinata carefully, _did I get her?_

==H==

Breathing hard (who knew maintaining chakra wire would be so exhausting?) I managed to be jerked from the disorientation of my rough landing by the swish of kunai whizzing at me and just managed to jerk to the side, losing my chakra thread, and gaining a papercut thin line of blood.

"Damn it" I snarled, game over.

==S==

I smiled, "We'll call this one a draw," I panted as I let myself lean forward onto my knees, my back screaming in protest. "Whenever the nurse gets out here, she executed the 64 Palms perfectly even though she held back to keep from killing me. My back feels like it's on fire and I'm pretty sure I've got some very nasty muscle tears and internal bleeding, so if anyone knows any medical jutsu, I'd love to know about it. Good fight Hime, you almost got me with the kunai and chakra wire, but in a real battle situation, make sure they explode yeah? Cause you know mine will."

She picked herself up indignantly, looking to me for all the world like a pouting toddler, "I was going easy on you you know! I could have wiped out all of your attacks as you thought them before you could twitch a finger!"

I chuckled, "Yes I'm quite aware that you held back on your 64 Palms, and I'm certain your Rotation would work wonders against my physical attacks. Even my Kageryuken might not penetrate that shield, but don't ever count me out Hime, you should know better than that, because nobody's invincible, and nothing's impossible." _And my Shadow Paralysis could destroy you if I got you with it in the middle of your rotation. You'd stop spinning, but your chakra wouldn't stop pouring out. You'd burn out in no time._ "Now quit boasting and blustering Hime, it's unbecoming a lady of your station. Smile, you put up a better fight than anyone else here by far."

Before she could respond I shot a glare at the spectators, "Where _is_ that nurse?"

==H==

"Oh for the ancestor's sake, here," With a flaring of my Byakugan and a blaze of motion my hands launched out like striking serpents, pouring my chakra into the various knotted and plugged chakra nodules and allowing them to smooth back into the rivers of chakra that made up the core of Shikamaru's chakra network. "Happy?"

==S==

"With having my chakra back on yes, very. With the bruises and muscle tears?" I made a hand sign and used my Shadow Strangle to pull my jacket off, revealing my back to the spectators through the mesh of the net shirt and earning a chorus of gasps at the extent of the damage.

"Not so much."

I glanced over my shoulder at the rest of the class with a smile, "So, when's the nurse getting here? In case you can't tell, this really, REALLY hurts." "She should be here any minute," Hime replied.

Sure enough the nurse came walking up with Shino who had been sent to get her a moment later and stopped when she saw my back. I smiled, "Ah Tsubaki-sensei, how nice of you to join us. Hinata's cheek is bleeding, would you mind patching her up? She's far too pretty to be accumulating scars you know." Hime shot me a look of pure venom and I laughed.

Then nurse Tsubaki finally got over the shock of how utterly demolished my back must've looked and began freaking out, "You lie down right now and quit that laughing! You're in no shape to be sitting up! What the hell happened?!" "Direct hit from the Eight Trigrams Sixty Four Palms," I replied nonchalantly. Tsubaki twitched, "Isn't that the one where you stab your target with chakra blades sixty four times?" "That's the one," I replied cheerfully as I flopped over onto my stomach.

Tsubaki immediately knelt down and started working on my back, which somehow felt like the taste of mint. I idly wondered if it was after effects from Hime's genjutsu or if that was just how medical jutsu worked. Meanwhile Tsubaki was demanding to know why Hinata would use such a technique in a mild spar. Hime just quirked an eyebrow with a distinct air of "duh-huh", "You didn't see what he's capable of did you? A quarter of the class going at him all at once wasn't enough to make him break a sweat. With Shikamaru, going all out isn't an option, it's a necessity. Besides, we're shinobi. It's better to find out in advance how much we can take in case we ever have to fight each other later. Now I know that nothing less than killing or crippling him will do."

"Aw," I laughed, "I'm flattered. Seriously though Tsubaki-sensei, the more we fight each other the better we'll be able to read and predict each other. The better we know each others' capabilities, the less likely we are to fight in the future because we'll be able to anticipate the outcome and the countermeasures the other will take to lessen our capabilities. Hime got me with a genjutsu, that's what gave her the opening to nail me. Now I know that I need to come up with a preemptive counter to genjutsu before I fight her on an even footing again, and she knows that just shutting off my chakra isn't nearly enough to beat me. A certain degree of explosives is required."

Hime rolled her eyes, "Note to self, kill him with fire." There was a slight pause and then she looked down at me, "Hmm…How about after class we go get some ramen? Extra spicy." I blinked and I'm sure I'm not the only one who wondered, _Is she flirting with me?_ "Sounds good to me."

Before Hime could reply Iruka suddenly came hurrying out with a workbook in his hand, "Shikamaru!" He stopped when he saw me laying on my stomach receiving medical treatment for ever how bad my back looked, which must've been extremely bad to have stopped _two_ people in their tracks to stare, not to mention the collective gasp earlier. I sighed, "Sixty Four Palms. Direct hit. Don't worry I'm fine. How did I do?"

Iruka was shaken from his shock and remembered why he had come out. He waved the workbook at me, "How did you do the entire year's worth of homework in one morning?! Perfectly no less?! Have you been holding back this whole time?" I smirked, "Simply put, I'm lazy when I can afford to be. School is one of those times because our grades in the Academy matter exactly jack once we leave and going through school being labeled a genius would've been a terribly troublesome drag. Now that graduation is tomorrow, there's no more reason for me and Hinata to hold back and hide our strength. We could've left the masks on a day or two more, but we agreed it would be far more satisfying to go ahead and show what we're capable of. You look surprised Sensei!" I laughed and Hime smirked as she tried to stifle her giggles at Iruka's shocked expression.

Later at lunch Kiba leaned across the table, "So, how long have you and Hinata been going out?" I raised an eyebrow, "Eh? Haven't a clue what you're on about Kiba. We're not dating." I paused and took a bite of rice ball, "Yet." "But you're thinking about it?" Kiba pressed. "I've liked Hinata for ages, she's just never really been interested in dating. At least, not in dating _me_ ," I added with a sly grin as I cut my eyes at Naruto. Kiba, Choji and Naruto froze, "What?" Then Kiba and Naruto exploded, "HINATA'S GOT A CRUSH ON NARUTO/ME?!"

I howled with laughter at the expressions of complete and total shock on their faces, "Not anymore! You were so focused on _your_ crush on Sakura that she gave up!" There was deathly silence after that and then Sakura's voice wafted over, "Naruto's…got a crush on me?"

I twitched, turned and leveled a stunned look at her, " _WOW._ You two are perfect for each other! Yes Sakura, Naruto has a crush on you bigger than Hokage Mountain. Why do you think I intentionally tossed you into him? What do I have to do? Set up a romantic date and send you a note saying to expect Sasuke and Naruto to expect you? Yes, Naruto has a crush on Sakura which recently sank Hinata's crush on Naruto and now as a result of this morning's sparring Kiba is probably going to ask out Ino very soon and Hinata and I are very close and you can all make of that whatever you will. Ino and Sakura have crushes on Sasuke which I would strongly advise reevaluating because Sasuke has shown absolutely zero interest in anyone except his brother so he may very well be into guys whereas Naruto is very into Sakura and Kiba is quite into Ino and thus both Sakura and Ino have far better options than Sasuke. I don't care what you all do with this information, _I'm_ going back to eating!" Which I did, thoroughly enjoying the stunned silence.

Sasuke was the first to recover, "I do _NOT_ like men!" I whirled around with a manic grin, "You hear that girls?! You've still got a chance! Go go go! There's still a chance to be the future Mrs. Uchiha!" Sasuke had an instant of stunned horror before he was swamped by a tidal wave of fangirls as I almost fell off my bench laughing.

==That Afternoon, Hinata==

There were two sets of footsteps that only moved when we were moving, and stopped the moment we did. I pondered to myself, _hmm gait in one pair suggests hunting-tracking experience while the other's careless staccato suggests inexperience. A civilian perhaps?_

==S==

My ears twitched as the footsteps behind us paused. In English I asked quietly, "Would you mind looking to see who that is behind us? I really hate being followed."

==H==

With a huff and an under-breath sigh, I carefully slid my gaze to the side, and out of the corner of my eye noticed Kiba and Ino trying desperately to look nonchalant while sending darting glances at us, and whispering. Ino had a reddish tint to her cheeks and Kiba's entire body language registered "not-comfortable-but-trying-to-be-cool", they were both horrible liars. I was embarrassed for their sake.

==S==

I smiled as Hinata whispered, "Right behind us, looks like Kiba and Ino." I smiled, "That explains the clumsy attempt at stealth." Then I called back, "Kiba if you don't quit following me like a troublesome pest I'm going to be deeply irritated."

==H==

Kiba jerked, like a dog brought to heel. I smirked as Ino's face turned paler at being caught. My annoyance turned into shock when they asked a question I never thought to hear. "Well we were wondering if you were on a date or not?"

==S==

I sighed, rolled my eyes, looked at Hinata, "Don't kill me." She looked at me in surprise, "What?!" Then I kissed her. I broke it off after a moment looked her in the eyes, "Sorry Hinata, I've wanted to do that for a while now." Then I turned a murderous glare on Ino and Kiba, "Now if you two would be so very untroublesome as to give us a bit of _PRIVACY_ , I would be very freaking appreciative!" I swear I've never seen those two move so fast. Then I was left all alone with Hinata-hime and the killing intent pouring from every pore of her body.

==H==

The first thing that registered was shock at such a bold action that almost immediately melted into a sense of righteous indignation that he hadn't even respected me enough to let me in on his little "idea". With enough strength to turn a small tree to splinters, I connected a super-powered fist to the right side of Shikamaru's face and mentally cheered as he went flying straight into and through the nearest fence.

==S==

I stuck a finger up from where I was sprawled in the wreckage of the fence, "Granted, I deserved that, now hear me out." Then my Shadow Paralysis shot out to stop her from doing it again. I got up and walked over to her, catching her hand and placing it on my heart, "There, that should be all the control you need over this situation, now calm down," I instructed gently as I pulled her close and leaned down to explain in a quiet voice.

"I thought about it last night while I was practicing my fire breath, our plan is to steal the forbidden scroll and gain powerful abilities right?" I confirmed in English. She nodded briefly and I continued, "So once we've done that, the locals will be watching us like hawks. We need an excuse to be hanging around each other. If everyone thinks we're dating, then they'll think our little whisperings and conspiring is just a pair of young lovebirds whispering sweet nothings to each other. They most likely won't even bother to try figuring out what we're saying because they'll think it's nothing but fluff."

She looked at me, eyebrow quirked in contemplation amidst a mask of irritation, "the things I have to put up with, but for power, ok."

"I would've told you all of this over ramen, but if I had stopped to consult with you about it Ino and Kiba would've known we were bluffing. Now two of the biggest gossips in Konoha will tell everyone that we're dating. That little kiss just now bought us enough cover to last several months if not more. And another thing," I added as I pulled her a little bit tighter, "I'm not apologizing. Kissing you is freaking _fun."_ "Well it does give me the happiness of punching things," Hime sighed.

I chuckled, "Oh if it's a fight you want, I'll give you a war. For now though, let's go see about that ramen. We can work it off with a spar afterwards. I want to see how well you do when your genjutsu doesn't work." "Fine by me."

"Then let's go," I grinned before adding, "Oh by the way, I'm about to kiss you again." I kissed her quickly before taking off at a run laughing over my shoulder, "Catch me if you can!"

==H==

"I'm going to kill you!" I howled, racing at him as fast as I could and thinking of every way I could destroy his chakra network in 3 strikes.

==S==

I bounced and spun, _SHADOW STITCHING!_ By jumping, I had thrown my shadow out further behind me, where it was able to erupt into a landmine of spikes that forced Hinata to pull up short and bought me a minute to pull a Substitution with the chunk of wood I had thrown on my way down, covering a distance of nearly 30 feet in an instant. I sprang again and ran down the side of a building grinning like a loon all the way.

==H==

With a savage grin I gave chase, throwing shuriken to trip up Shikamaru, hoping to break his concentration and have his chakra gripping the side of the building he was running on slip.

==S==

As Hinata-hime threw shuriken at me I sprang back to the ground, spinning a landing and hurling my Shadow Strangle out like a rocket powered fist to keep the distance between us before turning and taking off again. Another thing that Shikamaru and I had in common: We're both really REALLY fast.

==H==

Seeing the threat, I dodged, throwing shuriken like my life depended on it. If I could just get close enough for one good strike.

==S==

I rocketed down the street, my eyes searching rapidly, sing-songing in my head, _which way, which way?_ I grinned, _Bingo._ I pulled a Substitution with a trashcan and shot down an alley.

==H==

With as much precision as I could, I followed just a bit behind before with a sharp gasping "push" I was on him and made quick work of jabbing three swift strikes to his kidneys and sternum, shredding muscles and bruising kidneys. With a pop what I had thought was Shikamaru transformed into a very pulverized trashcan. Enraged at the embarrassment I looked around for any sign of my prey, anger flaring in my guts and giving me a blood thirst I had never experienced before. He. Would. _Pay._

==S==

Hime rocketed into the alley, reckless and enraged before pulling up short as she saw me waiting with a sadistic grin, "What was that about wiping out all of my attacks as I think them before I could twitch a finger?" Then she realized where she was standing: In a _very_ dark alley, which suddenly erupted in fists of solid shadow that despite her best efforts pulverized her in seconds, battering her about like a little bird in a whirlwind. I only kept the assault up for a moment, just enough to remind her that I was not to be taken lightly. For all my goofy and light hearted exterior, there was still a very dangerous foe hiding behind the gentle good natured smile.

I sprang forward as she was staggering in wake of the pummeling, my Kageryuken claw forming around my fist like a steel boxing glove as I drove it into her solar plexus with a savage uppercut hard enough to pick her feet up off the ground. "Kageryuken Thousand Armed Murder and Dragon Hammer level one. Remember Hime," I told her quietly as I let her fall to the ground, "never underestimate your opponent, never rush in with reckless eyes full of rage, and don't pick fights until you've won them."

I smiled as I saw the hateful glare she was boring into me as she panted, "You're angry right now. Angry and hurt and never going to forget this. _Good_. Remember how much this sucked and never forget what you learned here, because the next person you go charging after blindly might just be the one that kills you." I pulled her upright and draped her arm over my shoulder, "Now come on, Ichiraku ramen is right around the corner."

"I hate you so much," she grumbled. "Then you should probably know that I'm an adrenaline junkie and I love to fight, so getting angry and coming after me will only end with me having a lot more fun than you." "Asshole," she grumbled. "What else is new?" I asked sarcastically. Then I smirked, "By the way," I kissed her on the cheek, "You're insanely cute when you're mad."

"You do realize I can hit your heart from here right?" "I'll take you with me Hime, if you're close enough to hit me, I'm close enough to stab you with my shadow and my dying breath. Now cheer up, it's ramen time and I'm buying."

She pouted and looked away. I couldn't help but smile, _silly Hime, you're hunting so hard for my weakness like it's some obscure thing, but it's so obvious and I'm broadcasting it loud and clear if you'd only pay attention._ I turned my gaze back to the front, _not that it matters, I always did prefer a good blonde, and Temari is definitely my type. Still though,_ I shot a brief glance at Hime, _It would be fun. With a temper like that you're probably an absolute wild cat in the sack._ I smirked as I thought about just how furious she'd be if she could read my mind.

Then she turned her head and looked me in the eye with her Byakugan fully active, and a murderous expression, "What _exactly_ are you thinking about right now?" Oh that manic urge to push my luck! "I was thinking about how very much fun it would be to make out with you," I replied, "And I don't care if that makes you mad. Yeah, you could kill me. You could kill me very easily. That and the fact that you probably would if I made you angry enough makes me feel alive. So very, _VERY_ alive. I can hardly resist dancing with death whenever it beckons," I reached up and brushed a thumb across her cheek before cradling her face in my hand, "And you look like pure murder right now. So reign in that temper or I'm going to have to ask you to dance with me some more. I don't think you want that, so please, stop tempting me, because that look you were giving me just now drives me utterly wild."

She looked afraid now. Utterly terrified in fact. My manic smile receded to a small smirk, _Madness is frightening to some I suppose, especially when it catches them by surprise._ I switched back to normal and covered my crazy back up, "Now then, a little analysis. Your pride is hurting a lot more than your body. You think I'm asserting my dominance by pummeling you like that, saying you're beneath me. That by kissing you with such blatant disregard to the fact it upsets you that I'm saying I don't respect you. That by continuing to fight after you've executed one of your deadliest techniques against me that you're not good enough. Am I close?"

Hime's expression went from frightened to sour, "Close enough," she grumbled. I straightened up and pulled her into a hug, "Then how very wrong you are. I would never fight someone as seriously as I do you unless they had my full respect. I would never keep fighting while in that much pain unless I were certain that my opponent was of the highest caliber and worth falling to. Call it a sense of pride or honor or me being a macho bastard, whatever you like, fighting with everything I've got is the highest mark of respect I know how to give an opponent." Hime became a smidge less tense as that sank in.

Then I rested my nose in her hair and took a deep breath, lavender? My former body hadn't had a good nose, I hadn't been able to smell much, but this would be one smell I'd make a note to remember, "as for kissing you, do you really think I would kiss just anybody? Yes I am an arrogant bastard. That just means that I'm that much harder to impress. If I consider kissing a girl then that means she has at least some of my respect. If I actually do then she has a great deal of my respect. If I kiss her over and over again?"

Hime looked up at me with an eyebrow quirked in curiosity and her eyes went wide in surprise as I rested my forehead against hers and continued in hushed English, "There is _no_ higher mark of respect and admiration that I can give. Except of course for those three little words which can make or break any relationship depending on when they're said," I added with a smirk, "And rest assured, I'm keeping those in the most careful of reserve. You won't hear them any time soon, assuming you ever do, but never fear a lack of respect from me. You're my friend and my trusted partner. If you didn't have my respect and trust, I wouldn't trust you with knowledge about the Forbidden Scroll operation."

"Also," I kissed her gently, "Like it or not, you're in Hinata's body and you are _gorgeous_. What's more you are the heir to one of the strongest clans in Konoha. Depending on how we play things after the Forbidden Scroll heist, you may wind up forced into a political marriage one day. If that happens you'll be expected to produce an heir, and that means you're going to have to get screwed. The thought's abhorrent to you I know, and you're not a fan of romance and fluff anyway. Eventually though, you'll have to get used to being kissed."

A rebellious glint entered her eye and I smirked, "So whether you like it or not, at least until I meet Temari, I'm going to keep stealing kisses, and like I said, throwing an adrenaline kick in with a chase and fight afterwards only makes it better for me. You might as well get used to it and get over it. It helps our cover, makes me happy and reduces the odds of other people making romantic advances at you. At least with me, you know it's just me having a little bit of fun." Hime sighed and rested her forehead against my chest, "Oh fine." Then she suddenly grabbed me by the lapels and yanked me into an utterly mind melting kiss.

A moment later she leaned over the happy puddle I had melted into with a victorious smirk, "So _that's_ how I make you behave is it? I'll keep that in mind." She grabbed me by the collar and towed me along behind her, "I'm hungry now. To the ramen stand!" I just kept grinning, _Wooooorth iiiiit!_

==Omake==

==Ghost==

One quick hunt and a thorough explanation later with all my persuasive powers at work and Temari had made up with Shikamaru. I smiled outside Shikamaru's hospital room as I closed the door on the two love birds busily making up. I looked up at the ceiling, _I miss you Mari-chan…_ I sighed quietly and then an arm wrapped around my shoulder, "I know _that_ look. Girl troubles?"

I looked over and found Jiraiya giving me a knowing smile. I nodded, "Yeah, I've lost mine and now I've got a case of heartache." Jiraiya laughed, "Well, I doubt you'll find a cure for that here. I've been asking Tsunade to help heal mine for decades and it hasn't worked yet. Come on, I know something that'll help."

When the sun went down three hours later, Jiraiya and I _still_ hadn't left the bar. Then they fired up the karaoke machine, and I was too drunk to not join Jiraiya. We clambered up onto the stage and the first song came on, thankfully a song that called for two guys, and as the music started we did too.

I went first, "We never spoke a word, but every thought she had I heard, from across the room… we were standing face to face I couldn't find the words to say, gimme one more, I don't even know her name, I guess foolish prides to blame…Now I'm fallin' in lo-ove as she's walkin' away, and my heart won't tell my mind to tell my mouth what it should say! May have lost this battle live to fight another day, now I'm fallin in love, as she's walkin' awaaay-ay-aaay-ay! Wise man next to me did say about the one that got away…"

Jiraiya cut in, "Son I missed my chance. Don't you let regret take place of the dreams you have to chase. Ask her to dance, go on son. You might fall down on your face, roll the dice and have some faith, and don't be fallin in love as she's walkin away, when your heart won't tell your mind to tell your mouth what it should say! May have lost this battle live to fight another day! Don't be fallin in lo-ove, as she's walkin awaaay-ay-ay! You might fall down on your face, roll the dice and have some faith! Don't be fallin in love as she's walkin' away!"

Then the chorus, "When your heart won't tell your mind to tell your mouth what it should say! Don't be fallin, fallin, fallin in lo-ove, as she's walkin' awaaaaay-ay-ay-ay!"

Surprisingly, the crowd actually got very into it and we were followed onto the stage by a long succession of shinobi who all wanted their moment in the spotlight now that the alcohol had relieved them of their usual discomfort when in the spotlight. Anko surprised me by absolutely nailing "Boulevard of Broken Dreams". It shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did, I already knew she had a beautiful singing voice. Kakashi sang a song called "Still Here" and was almost mobbed with kunoichi when he stepped off the stage. Sakura and some guy with long blonde hair and lines under his eyes who looked strangely familiar sang "Good Girls Go Bad" and I had to quirk an eyebrow of curiosity as I watched them afterwards, _looks like ol' Sasuke's done gone and gotten himself replaced._ I smirked, _serves him right._

Eventually room was made for a very drunk Tsunade who demanded to be allowed a turn and dragged Jiraiya up with her. They wound up singing a song called "Big Girl Now" and before Jiraiya could faint from the nose bleed Tsunade's rather provocative drunken antics was giving him another song came on. This one was much a much slower one called "Need You Now", and after the end of it they were both looking at each other like they'd never properly seen each other before. They left immediately and I didn't see them again for the rest of the night.

After that was a huge guy with white hair and a huge sword on his back singing "I'm Sexy and I know It" that got the whole bar jumping again. Other notable acts were Ino singing "Don'tcha" with Choji as her back up singer, Rock Lee singing "Rock You Like A Hurricane", Tenten singing a song called "Raise Your Glass" and then the two of them working together to shove Neji up onto the stage and poor Neji getting stuck with "I Like To Move It Move It." The hilarious bit was that he actually got _into it._ I don't know how drunk he was or what Tenten and Lee threatened him with to make him do it, but oh man it was hilarious. If that video would not make you laugh, then you either don't know Neji, or you're completely dead inside.

Then Neji shocked us all even more by finishing out the night all by himself. He was thoroughly mobbed by his newly acquired fangirls when he finally got off the stage though, so I don't guess he minded too much. I was gone not long after and woke up the next morning to Anko singing quietly on the balcony of her apartment as she watched the sunrise. I smiled as my heartache promptly evaporated and I went to join her.

It didn't occur to me until considerably later that the blonde guy with Sakura had been Itachi in disguise and the big guy that had sung "I'm Sexy and I know It" was Kisame.


	4. Chapter 4: Dangerous Minds

Chapter 4

==A Few Moments Later, Shikamaru==

Hime had only been able to drag me for a moment before she'd had to stop and catch her breath. Strong she certainly was, but she had also just received a pummeling that would've left a Jonin at least stumbling if not flat unconscious. I put her arm back over my shoulder and helped her along with a smile. She was quiet, and as hard as she was breathing, I couldn't say I was surprised. "I'll take you to get patched up after ramen Hime," I told her quietly, "You're already starting to bruise." "Kay," she said quietly.

I looked over at her with concern, "Are you alright?" "I'm fine," she grumbled. I sighed, _liar. You're just too proud to admit you want to find a bed and just collapse. We're going to have to work on this trust thing._ I didn't push the issue. There's not much point when someone doesn't want to admit they're in pain. When someone's taken a beating like that, they sometimes feel like their tattered pride is about all they've got left, and to admit they need medical attention or want a painkiller would be like admitting defeat and relinquishing that last little bit of their pride.

==H==

Ohhhhhh everything ached, even my bones ached. Being half-carried, half-dragged sucked! Angrily slapping "Shikamaru's" shoulder as hard as I could didn't do much except probably slightly sting a bit, but it soothed my overly flaming temper which had been made worse by my "needing-help" predicament. That sly bastard. Stepping out of the alley into bright sunshine was an exercise in torture endurance, making the slight headache rage into a full headache. Joy and happiness. But the pain was instantly lessened by the sight of Ichiraku's which looked like a mouthwatering heaven-on-earth. Then like everything else, the bad feeling came back as I noticed Neji looking _right_ at us with his level 3 in-a-bad-mood-and-bitchy-about-it scowl on. Damn it all.

==S==

We stepped out of the alley and I narrowed my eyes at the sudden brightness. Then my eyebrows furrowed in irritation as I saw who was waiting for us at Ichiraku. "What the _precise_ **_HELL_** was that just now?" Neji Hyuga nearly growled at me, his Byakugan fully active. Tenten and Lee looked over his shoulders at us, neither looking at all amused. "A little lovers' quarrel," I replied coolly before smiling slightly, "Cranky pants here wanted to spar, and she was annoyed with me because the cover on our relationship got blown earlier. My fault entirely, but…" I made a "what-can-you-do?" shrugging sort of face as Hime shot me an annoyed glance at being referred to as "Cranky pants", "These things happen sometimes, and I doubt we really could've kept a lid on it for much longer."

"So your reaction was a running battle through the streets and luring her into a dark alley to unleash a major jutsu against her and then make out with her?!" Neji demanded. "The battle was mostly her idea," I replied, "As I said, she was quite irritated with me and needed to vent. Now if you don't mind, my hime is tired and would like to sit down. You're between us and the nearest stool. If you have a beef with me, we can discuss it once she is seated." Neji tensed slightly then nodded and stepped out of the way. I kept an eye on him as I helped Hime over to the nearest stool. I smiled gently and brushed her cheek with my thumb, "You go ahead and order hime, I'll be done soon." "Don't make me wait too long," she replied with a small smile that seemed to me a bit like a "fuck you" disguised as a loving smile.

==H==

Neji wasted no time in complaining about the fact I was injured, which sounded odd. We lived in a _ninja_ village, where three-year-olds had access to sharp pointed weapons and yada yada yada... people get hurt. Though I had to admit it was kind of flattering to see such heartfelt concern. I _might_ have felt the stirrings of what could be thought of as emotions. Turning my attention back to what they were saying, I made the practical decision to procure the seating arraignments, finding the nearest seat close enough to see the fight. Though the words were fuzzy through the pain, Neji's body language was clearly "not good enough", "enemy stepping into MY territory", and various other supposedly macho behavior. _Huh and women are always criticized as being the "overly emotional" ones, well at least this is going to be entertaining. Dinner and a show._

==S==

I turned to Neji, "Now then, did you have something to say?" Neji's eye twitched, "I do not believe you to be worthy of the Heiress to the Hyuga Clan." I raised an eyebrow, "That's not your choice at all Neji, and I am heir to the Nara Clan, so a very strong case could be made that I am in fact very worthy, and that's a case I'll make if I have to." Neji was getting visibly angrier, "If you are so worthy, then why don't you prove it? Prove that you're more than some coward who runs away and ambushes his foes." "Is that a challenge Neji?" I asked quietly with a vicious grin growing.

Neji moved into his Gentle Fist stance and Lee and Tenten backed up. "Nejiii…" Tenten said worriedly. "Stay out of this Tenten," Neji ordered irritably. Tenten's eye twitched at being ordered about and she turned her gaze to me, "What's your name kid?" "Shikamaru Nara," I replied easily. Tenten nodded, "Kick his ass Shikamaru." Neji glared over his shoulder at her and I smiled, "You got it."

"Hime," I added, "Do you recall what I said earlier about going all out being the highest mark of respect I can give an opponent?" Hime nodded and I continued, "You're about to see what happens when I have no respect for an opponent at all." "Oh that's just rude," Tenten muttered as Neji's temper snapped and he lunged at me, his hands outstretched for the Sixty Four Palms. The instant he closed into striking range, my right hand snapped up and out like the head of a snake.

==H==

"Boring and way too typical," I commented calmly as "Shikamaru" struck like liquid darkness through Neji's attack.

==S==

In an instant I struck his left wrist, his right wrist, the base of his left forearm, and his carotid artery, every strike loaded with chakra. Then I backhanded him before reversing my swing to wrap my hand around his face as the dizziness from the triple pressure point strike up his left side set in. I stepped forward and shoved his head back as I placed my foot behind his. Neji's head slammed into the ground as hard as I could slam it. "Flash Palm," I declared quietly, allowing the chakra accumulated in the palm of the hand wrapped around Neji's face to ignite in a burst of flame that left him temporarily blinded with light burns all over the top of his face. My hand snapped back and thundered into his nose as a palm heel strike. This time the broken nose was intentional and after breaking it I wrapped a hand around his throat. The whole combo had taken less than twenty seconds.

==H==

"Sweet!" I declared quietly before looking around quickly to see if anyone had noticed. Nobody had noticed in the slightest and as I realized that a quiet laugh bubbled up and out.

==S==

"If you were not a fellow Leaf Shinobi," I told Neji quietly in the quiet that fell over those watching, "You'd be dead now. Hinata-hime and I will continue as we please. Do not interfere." I stood up, "Was that a sufficient ass-kicking Tenten?" Tenten and Lee were staring at me like I was from outer space. "Did he just beat the strongest member of our team with one hand?" Tenten asked Lee in shock. "My eternal rival just got bitch-slapped into submission…" Lee whispered in a stunned voice.

Then he realized he'd said that aloud as Tenten's stare snapped over to him "LEE-EE?!", Hinata-hime and I howled with laughter and the redness in Neji's face was more than just his burns. Lee's expression of embarrassment was every bit as priceless as what he'd said.

Then Hime managed to bring herself back under control and grinned at Neji, "Well that'll teach you to try to decide who I spend time with, eh Neji? Who died and made you my babysitter anyway? Also," she added to Team Guy in general, "You guys are really loud for ninjas." Neji gave a scoff of damaged pride and pointedly didn't meet her triumphant and delighted gaze. I chuckled, "One would certainly hope so. Tenten-san, Lee-san, I believe Neji-san's nose requires medical attention if you would be so kind as to escort him to that treatment?" Tenten and Lee blinked and then nodded and quickly agreed. Then they took off dragging an exceptionally ruffled looking Neji with them. Then I went and sat back next to Hime, "Well, that was fun." I quickly scanned the menu before ordering with a pleasant smile, "I would like the spicy ramen please."

Then I looked over at Hime, "You alright? You're quiet." She nodded with a small smile, "I'll have the Kakuni ramen, and yeah just achy. I think my bones are bruised." Alarm flashed through me and I narrowly repressed my involuntary flinch. Deep tissue and bone bruises were no joke. All I had wanted to do was give her a pummeling to keep her from trying anything shifty when my back was turned. All that talk of killing me and apparent lust for power made me a smidge paranoid, but I hadn't meant to seriously hurt her, "Seriously or just a figure of speech? Right now it's hard for me to tell."

"Figure of speech," she declared, "If I were serious I'd be cursing you up one side of Konoha and back down the other." I sighed in relief with a smile, "Just checking. Some people get quiet when they're hurting." She looked at me like such a thing was incomprehensible, "Really? Huh. I get louder and meaner." I snorted a small laugh and my smile grew slightly, "That I believe in full. Ooh ramen's here! Itakidimasu!" I dug in as Hime cheered quietly, "Yes food!"

We ate quietly for a while and then took off towards the hospital to get Hime patched up. As we ate and then walked, a question bounced around my head. "But for power okay," she had said, was that really all she saw me as? Just a means to an end? A stepping stone on the route to power? And if it was, then what was she planning to _use_ that power for? Nothing for it, I had to ask. "So," I started in hushed English, "Why exactly _are_ you so power hungry? I get why you're irritable, I've been a bit nerve-grating today, but you've been sounding distinctly power hungry. Why? And better yet, what would you _do_ with that power once you had it?"

Hime thought about it for a moment and then she said, "Well learning to me is an addiction. I can't stand having a question in my head and not be searching for an answer. That's part of why I sympathize to a degree with Orochimaru even though he's a rampant crazy person over blown with anime flare. Also I felt that Hinata, due to the ridiculous amounts of mental, emotional, and even physical abuse she gets pummeled with for being "weak" would one day get sick of it and be all "Screw you guys if you won't accept me as I am, I'll just do something to make myself awesome and knock you guys down until your down in the dirt as well."

I looked at her, "But you're not Hinata. You're you wearing Hinata's body like a Halloween costume. What you're seeking isn't so much power as knowledge." Hime raised an eyebrow at me as I went on ponderously, "Granted, knowledge and power are much the same, but still. It is reassuring to know that you seek knowledge and not just power for the sake of having it. Very few things are quite so dangerous as someone who has power and no clue what to do with it." Then a smile broke over my face, "Excellent. Now I have something of a read on you and you're not such a wild card in my mind and plottings anymore."

Then a thought slithered into my mind and my face went slack for a moment before twisting into an evil grin, "Here's a thought. Why don't we go join Ol' Snakey?" Hoo boy did _that_ get a reaction!

==H==

"WHAT!" Shock registered for a full minute and was then quickly replaced by a sense of foreboding. "I love learning, and experimenting with chakra and how it can be used is a dream come true," my tone awed and slightly hushed in wonder. "But I'm NOT some crazed Naziesque crazy person! I have too much conscience to do anything like that." My voice cracked with anger coming in sharp gasps of wrath, "so no way in hell!"

Then "Shikamaru's" evil grin grew, "We don't have to be like him. If we can pull this off, even he won't have to be like him! You forget, there's a weapon in Konoha that can turn anybody's personality and mind into _mush_ , utterly workable and malleable to be bent to the user's whim!"

==S==

The idea was in and I loved it. I was pulling this off whether Hime wanted in or not! "The eye of Shisui Uchiha! If Danzo has it in secret like he should, then we can steal it and use it however we want! What's he going to do? Complain to the Hokage? We can bring down Root and take that eye right out of his head before using it to make him think he gave it to us!"

Hime's face went slack in surprise for a moment and then a smile started to spread over her face. She face palmed with a smile, "I think that's a go Rebel Number 1." I fist pumped internally, this was going to be _epic._ Getting such a show of approval from Hime felt pretty great too. I got the distinct feeling that that little face palm and smile she had just given me was the equivalent of anyone else's flying tackle-hug with a loud declaration of "You're a genius" and a "good job for thinking of that you wonderful person you" kiss. _I need to have evil thoughts around her more often!_

==Later, Shikamaru==

After getting Hime patched up, I walked her back to the Hyuga Compound, receiving no small amount of looks and whispers and _looks_ along the way, especially when I gave her a kiss on the cheek goodbye at the entrance to the Hyuga compound. I think the two Branch House Hyuga manning the gate were on the verge of jumping me until Hime smiled, "See you tomorrow." They had looked at her in surprise and then I grinned, "Whenever you want my hime!"

She winked at me with a little smirk and walked off. I watched her go for a moment and then cast glances at the two manning the gate, "Regular little firecracker she is. Makes me glad I saw her properly first," I turned and walked away with a smile, noticing as I turned that they had their Byakugan's activated, whether in irritation with me or to try and watch me and Hime at the same time to figure out what was going on, I wasn't really sure.

After that I wandered off through town and eventually made my way to the Konoha Shinobi Library. I walked up to the librarian at the front desk with a smile, "Hello, I'm looking for a book on Fuinjutsu. Could you point me in the right direction for that?"

The librarian gave me a dismissive look, "Are you a shinobi?" "Yes," I replied. "Where's your headband?" the librarian asked. "I don't have it yet," I replied, "I graduate the Academy tomorrow. Is there any reason to _not_ give me a book though?" "Sorry, this library is for shinobi only kid," the librarian replied, "Come back when you've got a headband." I nodded, "Alrighty then. I'll be right back." I strode out and in minutes had found someone with a headband. I grinned, _perfect,_ "Shadow Possession Jutsu!"

Kakashi froze as my Shadow Possession took over his body, "What?" I turned us around and walked back to the library before strolling right up to the librarian and walking Kakashi up to the desk. I released the Shadow Possession and pointed to Kakashi's head, "There. I got a headband. You didn't say it had to be mine or that it couldn't have a Jonin wearing it. Can I have a book on Fuinjutsu _now?_ "

Kakashi was giving me a look, the librarian was staring and I was trying not to laugh. Finally the librarian found his voice, "Alright that was pretty good, but I'm sorry kid, the rules say you gotta have your own headband." The urge to laugh vanished and then I grinned, "Alrighty then," I pulled a pen from my pocket, "I'll experiment right here." I quickly started drawing kanji on my right palm as the librarian paled and looked at Kakashi who was watching with interest. I drew a spiral on my palm to direct the chakra flow through the seal and then I grinned, "Let's see if this works." I channeled a smidge of chakra into the first kanji of my seal and grinned as I felt the heat start.

The chakra quickly raced through the seal and erupted off the tip of my finger in a little burst of flame. "Phoenix Flower jutsu," I grinned, "Looks like I can wait until tomorrow after all." Then a thought hit me and I drew the same seal on my other hand, except with a closed spiral instead. I channeled chakra into it and a plume of fire whirled up out of my hand before dispersing as the chakra fueling it ran out. I looked around at the library, "I'm going to step outside for this next bit. See you tomorrow."

I went outside and Kakashi followed me. The minute I was outside I channeled chakra into my seal again. This time I poured more power into it after pointing it away from myself. The result was…interesting. Fire erupted in my hand, but it didn't shoot off, it just grew, and grew, and after a moment I was holding a fireball the size of a beach ball. I waved my hand and the fireball moved with it. I cut off the chakra flow to the seal and it dispersed almost immediately, but I was still grinning, "Perfect! Now I just have to figure out how to turn it into Lightning Release!"

Kakashi did a double take, "What?" I looked at him, "Well I can't do the Rasengan without a seal yet, but I can equal it if I can turn this seal on my hand into a lightning orb generator instead of a fireball generator. The lightning version should punch through just about anything and if I can make it the same size as that fireball I'll be able to blast through anything. Fireball's pretty awesome too though. Now if I can just figure out how to throw it…wonder if I could make it explode on impact…that'll probably require a way more complex seal though…You okay Kakashi-sensei? You look like your brain just broke a bit."

Kakashi just silently flashed through a couple of hand signs and made a Chidori. "Oh cool!" I said with a smile, "You can do it without the seal! Ooh, what are the hand signs? I can make my lightning seal right now!" "This is my signature technique," he said in a quiet voice.

I looked at him thoughtfully for a moment and then I smiled, "Then let's hope I make it onto your team so you can pass it on master to student!" Kakashi sweat dropped (I almost sweat dropped as I realized that was somehow actually a thing), "Um, right. I'll, make sure Lord Hokage knows." I smiled at him, "Great! I'm gonna go see if mom bought those water balloons yet so I can test my theory on how to do the Rasengan. Seals are great and all, but I want to be able to do the real thing too." Kakashi's sweat drop worsened, "Huh?!"

I grinned, "I've got a theory on how to do the Rasengan involving water balloons and rubber balls. I asked mom to buy some so that I can test my theory and show it to Naruto if I'm right." I turned to go and Kakashi followed me nervously, "Ah, maybe I should come along and observe since I actually know how to do that…" I looked at him, "oh good point! Come on let's go find Naruto!"

==An Hour Later==

Mom-Yoshino and Dad-Shikaku were out watching us with Kakashi in the back yard as I put "my theory" to the test. In actuality I just remembered how Jiraiya had taught Naruto. I added a little something though. I plucked two leaves from a tree and handed one to Naruto along with his water balloon. "Alrighty Naruto," I said with a grin, "Here's what you've gotta do. Step one is fairly simple. You know the leaf rotation exercise we do in class right?" "The one where you spin the leaf with your chakra?" Naruto asked.

I nodded, "That's the one. Now put the leaf on top of the balloon." Naruto put the leaf on top of the balloon and I continued, "Now ya spin the leaf while it's on top of the balloon. That's step one." I placed my own leaf on top of my balloon and set it slowly spinning, "We're actually trying to spin the water in the balloon, but the leaf gives you something to focus on, and who knows, maybe we'll make a technique even better than the Rasengan."

Naruto blinked at me, "The what?" "One of the Fourth Hokage's signature techniques," I clarified, "It's a ball of chakra that can blow your enemies away. You'll get to see it in action if we pull it off." Naruto nodded and immediately focused on the leaf and the water balloon. I set mine whirling harder and faster by pouring chakra into the spinning until my hand actually shook a little. The water balloon erupted. I raised an eyebrow at it, "Hmm, I had rather thought spinning it in two directions at once would be needed. Hey Mom, do we have those rubber balls?"

Mom-Yoshino tossed me one with her free hand. She and Dad-Shikaku both had leaves and balloons in their hands as well just a spinning away. I took the ball and glared at it, "Part two is training for power. Gotta pop a rubber ball with the rotation." I glared harder and focused again as I poured on the chakra. My heart sped up, I broke out in a sweat and I'm certain veins were standing out in my forehead as I forced the chakra whirling up out of my palm and into the ball. This time though I was focusing on what it was doing as well as what I was wanting it to do, and I was interested to see that the two did not match up.

The Rasengan is a sphere of power, what I had made was a disc. I grinned, _sharper._ I made half the sign for Shadow Stitching with my free hand and the chakra whirling in my hand sharpened and hardened the way my shadow did. Then a few moments later the ball was ripped in two. I grinned as Kakashi stared in surprise. "That's not what was supposed to happen, but let's move on to step three and see what happens," I declared.

I dropped the remains of the rubber ball on the ground and forced the chakra still pooled in my hand to resume its whirling and sharpness. I splayed my fingers so that my hand was flat and willed the disruption to spread. A moment later as I poured more and more chakra into it, the technique began to take visible form. I grinned, "Rasen _nokogiri_." Spiral Saw. I strode over to one of the training dummies and slashed the edge of my Rasennokogiri across it. It wasn't strong enough to shred everything in its path like I wanted it to because I was running out of chakra, but it did depress the fabric. I grinned, "Oh yeah, I can work with that." I was already designing the shortcut seal for it in my head.

==Meanwhile==

The Hyuga Compound had many dining rooms, but the one "Hinata" had visited first thing in the morning the previous day to meet with her father was the one where the family of Hiashi Hyuga usually ate dinner. Now she sat there again, between her father at the head of the immense table and Neji at the foot. Hanabi was across from her. They ate in near total silence, not an odd occurrence in the frigid climate that pervaded their family's relationships.

After a little while Hiashi looked down the table imperiously, "Hinata, what is this rumor that has reached my ears about you entering a relationship with the Nara Clan heir?" Neji stiffened and Hanabi looked up in surprise as Hinata calmly reached for her drink, "Yes."

Hiashi's eye twitched, that was a full change of facial expression for him, and it wasn't a happy one. "So it is true. Why was I not informed of this sooner?" he demanded levelly as Hinata calmly sipped her tea. Hanabi resisted the urge to edge away as the tension in her father's voice reached her ears. Hinata set her drink down and Neji had to fight the grin struggling to grow on his face, opting to take another bite to try and mask his struggle. Hinata inspected her plate to single out her next bite as she nonchalantly replied, "He is a fitting suitor and more than intelligent enough to be heir to both clans. As to why you were not informed sooner, I saw no potential conflict arising from it and thus no need."

Hiashi's brows crinkled ever so slightly as he regarded his eldest daughter. This was definitely new. She wasn't being timid as she refused to meet his gaze, she simply didn't care enough about the conversation! Hiashi folded his hands beneath his nose as he sat forward thoughtfully, "You make a fair point, another clan heir _is_ a worthy target of your affections. Must you have chosen that one though? By all accounts I have heard that he is highly unmotivated and the dead last of your class. Why not the Inuzuka or Uchiha heir? I understand they both perform very well."

Hinata stilled as he spoke and then finished chewing and swallowed. Then she took a deep breath that came out as a protracted sigh before turning to meet her father's level sturdy gaze with one that matched it, "The Inuzuka are a fine clan and expert trackers but have been a mid-to-low powered clan for the last 3 generations and have yet to show any ambition nor honest caring for the higher echelon of noble-clan politics. Sasuke is an exceptional academy student and will no doubt rise to great heights, but I'm honestly shocked you would consider risking our kekkai genkai blood purity with a lower one. If the Sharingan should overtake our own or the power be imbalanced it would be disastrous for both our clans' reputations."

By now Neji was staring, all trace of the once-growing smirk gone, and Hanabi was feeling rather stunned at the change in her beloved elder sister's demeanor. Hiashi sat back and contemplated Hinata's reasoning, "Hmmm…We never did manage a successful fusion of the two great dojutsu…and you're right, it wouldn't do at all for a potential heir to both clans to have the visual prowess of neither." He nodded, "Very well, you shall not marry the Uchiha under any circumstances. The Inuzuka boy also seems unfit, especially if he has his mother's temperament," he added with what for him was a severely perturbed and mildly disgusted look.

Then he continued, "You have shot down my suggestions, now defend your own. What makes this Nara boy worthy of your attentions despite his poor grades and reputation for slothful behavior other than his status as a clan heir? I have heard nothing good of him to defend your choice to the clan elders with, so tell me Hinata, what shall I tell them when they ask why should we allow the clan heir regarded as the weakest of those currently in Konoha to court you?"

Hinata thought for a moment and then replied, "During the time we have spent in each others' company I have come to realize that his lackluster academics are simply a result of the Academy's inability to properly challenge him. Despite his reluctance to put effort towards developing physical prowess or a strong reputation, Shikamaru lives up to his clan's reputation and is by far the most intelligent of our age group. With me at his side the natural intelligence and strategic cunning mixed with our own physical taijutsu talents would easily make us unbeatable."

As Hiashi mulled over her reply, Hinata's lips curved into a softly catty smile as her gaze flicked down towards an immediately wary Neji, "Also father, perhaps you should inquire to cousin Neji, the strongest and most skilled shinobi our clan has produced since your own birth about how he _lost_ to Shikamaru today?" Whatever possible objections Hiashi might've been cooking up in his head to Hinata's argument for letting her see Shikamaru went out the window in shock as his gaze snapped to Neji, "Do tell."

Neji visibly flinched, "I lost." "How?" Hiashi pressed. Neji's face twitched as he shot a quietly smug Hinata a look that promised of extremely painful repercussions in the future, "After watching what the Nara dubbed a 'lover's quarrel' with my Byakugan I confronted him. He was unrepentant of the absolute beating he had just given Hinata-sama..." Hiashi did a double take and both his and Hanabi's gazes fell to Hinata as her eyes rolled ever so slightly, "…I attempted to punish him for his impertinence and he…" Neji's voice dissolved into mumbling.

Hiashi and Hanabi looked at him, "He what?" "HE BEAT ME WITH ONE HAND!" Neji exploded before turning on Hinata, "There! Are you happy now?! I said it! Your little boyfriend beat me with one hand and made a complete fool of me without the slightest effort! I hope you are _thoroughly_ satisfied!" then he collapsed back into his chair slumping with his arms crossed and fuming with the reek of hurt pride. Hiashi and Hanabi stared at him as though he had turned green and grown horns and then Hiashi turned back to Hinata as his expression turned stormy and concerned, "Now what's this about him beating _you?_ "

Hinata shrugged, "It was a simple spar, nothing more. It might've gotten a little out of hand, but I demanded Shikamaru not hold back. The injuries I suffered were due to my own ego." Hiashi's Byakugan slid on and Hinata raised an eyebrow at him as his gaze seemed to bore right through her. Hiashi's Byakugan slid back off, "You are telling the truth although it is not a truth you like."

He sat back, "Be that as it may, I shall require you to bring him to meet me before I condone this relationship any further so that I may gauge his character for myself." Then he paused for a moment, "So he has defeated you, and he defeated Neji effortlessly. Clearly the rumors of his ineptitude are falsehoods. So tell me Hinata, how strong is he really?"

Hinata thought for a moment as she compiled an evaluation of "Shikamaru's" strength, "Physically his laziness has made him barely academy level, his strength lies in his intelligence and creativity. When those are taken into account he is a force to be reckoned with. Should the relationship continue and I maintain the influence to keep his recently acquired drive to improve going, I think he could one day equal the Sannin. At the very least he could be Head of Intelligence."

Hiashi raised an eyebrow, Hanabi was wide eyed, and Neji huffed irritably. "So you said he defeated you," Hiashi began, "but you did not sound as though he had beaten you as thoroughly as Neji. How did you fair against him?"

Hinata smiled, "My skills were adequate. He is a truly forceful fighter, but perhaps you will be pleased to know that in the first round I fought him to a standstill and almost beat him." Neji joined Hanabi in staring as Hiashi raised his eyebrows in a politely skeptical but impressed look, "I was unaware your skill with Jyuuken had progressed that much. It makes me curious about the competency of the Academy's instructors given your low taijutsu scores."

Hinata's smile didn't waver, "I recently meditated on the ways our clan's style can be reworked with incorporation of medical jutsu and a bit of chakra theory to make a new style. Unorthodox perhaps, but the goal of any shinobi is unpredictability, and no opponent can win a battle already lost." Hiashi regarded her thoughtfully, "Very well, it seems we will have much to discuss in the coming days. Would you mind telling me how you managed to fight evenly with someone who bested your cousin so easily? I suppose you used that technique I saw you use the other day which caused the chakra lingering in the air after your strikes to combust?"

Hinata shook her head, "No I simply used a genjutsu to stun him and then hit him with the Eight Trigrams Sixty Four Palms from behind. That should've been the end of it, but he was too stubborn and kept fighting, so I concealed myself and used wire guided shuriken to fight from a distance to prevent him from lining up a shot on me. He only won because he was able to use my own wire to force me out of hiding and scored a lucky shot with a kunai. The use of ordinary wire was a simple mistake on my part that I won't make again."

Hiashi looked stunned, "He kept fighting after being hit with the Sixty Four Palms?" Hinata nodded and he looked thoughtfully troubled, "Yes I shall like to meet this boyfriend of yours indeed. Make arrangements for me to meet him as soon as possible." Hinata nodded with a smile, "Of course Father."

==OMAKE==

==Ghost==

I materialized behind Sasuke, "Sasuke Uchiha." Sasuke, Karin, Jugo and Suigetsu all leapt away from me, ready to fight and shocked that I had snuck up on them. I glanced around at them, "Karin, Suigetsu, Jugo, stand down. I'm here to talk and beat Sasuke to a pulp if he doesn't listen. I have no interest in fighting any of you." Their stances deepened and Karin spoke quickly, "Sasuke, this man's chakra is like nothing I've ever seen. He's far out of our league. Lord Orochimaru would've been hard pressed to deal with something this terrible."

Sasuke drew his blade and was immediately on his back with his own blade to his throat as I stood on top of him, "Perhaps you should listen to your comrade a little bit more?" Sasuke's eyes were wide and as Suigetsu leapt and struck to no effect my hand clamped around his blade and ripped it from his grasp, "That's _mine_ ya little piss-ant." Then I blasted him backwards with such force that even Suigetsu's liquid body couldn't escape being blown away. Jugo jumped and attempted to hit me and I batted him away with the flat of Kubikiribocho before manifesting a clone to make a seal to restrain him.

I turned to Karin, "Good assessment Karin, Orochimaru-sensei _wasn't_ enough to beat me the last time I fought him. Of course, only a handful of people could have gone toe to toe with me by the time I came to this dimension, and they were all my friends. Now then, I'm going to talk to Sasuke about his brother and his place in life and just exactly how very VERY dead he's going to be if he doesn't do exactly as I tell him. Now calm down." Karin looked like she wanted to protest and then she nodded and stood down. "Traitor," Sasuke grumbled and immediately found Kubikiribocho buried between his furious gaze and Karin.

I leaned down, "Now you listen to me ducky, Karin's not the traitor here. That would be you and me. So, let's talk about how Itachi came to Konoha last night and stole your number one fangirl." Sasuke gave me a stunned look, "What would Itachi with Sakura?" I grinned, "Probably the sex. I understand they broke the bed. And the floor. And the floor under that, along with the entire hotel when the ground started shaking. Lady Tsunade and Jiraiya broke an entire city block."

Sasuke looked shocked and Karin looked liable to swoon as blood poured from her nose. I went on as my grin grew, "Also, I've heard that Itachi's going to be getting a full pardon once the Akatsuki's been exterminated. _You_ on the other hand still have a hefty little death warrant on your head. So I'm going to explain to you exactly what happened to get your whole clan, all traitors like you by the way, slaughtered, and exactly what you're going to do next unless you want that next thing you do to be an excruciatingly painful death."

I had Sasuke's full attention now as I pressed the point of his sword under his chin, "First thing's first, what became of the Sound Four? You had better hope I like the answer." Sasuke told me. I didn't like the answer. Among other things, Sasuke developed an intense fear of butterflies that night.


	5. Chapter 5: The Heist

Chapter 5

==The Next Morning==

"Shikamaru" propped against the gate to the Hyuga Compound as the sun rose, something anyone who knew the laconic Nara would declare a very odd thing indeed. However, at this point, _nobody_ knew the person currently running Shikamaru's body and 200+ IQ brain. _Nobody except for one person_ , Ghost thought as he took a bite of the sausage biscuit he had brought with him, _and here she comes now_.

Hinata-hime walked out through the gates looking half-asleep and paused to look at Ghost out the corner of her eye, "Well what are you doing here trying to imitate James Dean? It's damn early and my coffee has only just started working." Ghost grinned and swallowed, "Thought that might be the case and you'd need something to wake you up." "Morning person," Hinata-hime grumbled. Ghost just raised an open hand and whirled a deadly disc of chakra into visibility, "Rasen-nokogiri, made it up last night."

Hinata-hime's eyes popped wide open, "Damn… _AWESOME!_ " Ghost smiled as he extinguished the jutsu, "I rather thought so too. Now check _this_ out." He pulled out a glove with the seal he had made the day before and tugged it on. A surge of chakra later and the seal had whirled a beach ball sized orb of flames into existence in his hand, "Guess who's a badass with fuinjutsu?"

Hinata's jaw dropped as she stared at the blazing orb, "This calls for only one reaction…" her eyes lit up, "Who the boss?! You the boss!" Ghost extinguished the fireball and spread his arms, "Can the boss get a hug?" He got a hug immediately which he happily returned. Then Hinata stepped back with an eager grin, "Now teach me sensei!"

Ghost grinned and reached into his pocket, "I'll go one better than that!" He extracted a roll of fabric and uncoiled it to reveal a pair of elbow length gloves, "Say hello to your new best friends, Raikiriken gloves!" Hinata's eyes widened, "Raikiri? As in…" "I talked Kakashi into showing me the hand signs last night," Ghost explained as he handed her the gloves, "And once I know the hand signs for a jutsu, I can make a seal for it. These little shortcut seals don't require nearly as much chakra as the jutsu themselves, and they don't require hand signs or any training to activate."

Hinata pulled the gloves on and examined them, noting the points in the center of her palms that started the design that curled out to each of her fingertips with the kanji for the hand signs that would activate the jutsu scrawled down the central root of the design, "So I just channel chakra into the start point?" Ghost nodded, "That's how it works. Go ahead and give it a shot."

Hinata focused on the sense of power within her and focused it into the ignition points of the seals. Instantly she felt a buzzing emanate from the seal and then, "Holy shit…" Hinata whispered as her hair seemed to float slightly from the static electricity and the screeching of birds filled the air. At each of her fingertips was a claw of lightning, "This is so AMAZING!"

Ghost grinned as he gave a sweeping bow before straightening up, "Just wait to hug me until after you release the voltage. These are actually only the start of what I'm planning to make. There's still armor to add, and I intend to try to make the final product out of something sturdier than that you're wearing right now, but for casual wear, I'm sure you'll be fine with those." Hinata nodded, her eyes still fixed on the lightning.

Then Ghost smiled and called off to the side, "Tenten. I know you're there. Come out and have a closer look, I know this sort of thing interests you." Tenten dropped her disguise cloth revealing Lee and Might Guy standing next to her as well, "How did you know we were here?!" Ghost smiled, "You probably didn't notice it because I didn't attach, but I've been spreading my shadow into every nook and cranny on this street for a while as practice. I brushed against your chakra signatures every time our shadows touched. It only took a few times to figure out who you were."

"So you can use your Shadow Possession Jutsu as a sensor technique?" Guy asked ponderously, "I've never heard of that being done before." Ghost shrugged, "If we let our jutsu stagnate we'll be outpaced by the competition. The strength of a shinobi is their adaptability and ability to evolve. I'd be a sorry excuse for a shinobi if I didn't think of new tricks as often as I could." Guy nodded with a smile, "Very true, very true!" "Speaking of tricks," Tenten interjected, "How did you do that?!"

Ghost pulled his glove off and handed it to her, "Rather a simple seal I think. The kanji it's channeled through shape it as the hand signs they represent would and the lines simply direct it. The same principle can be applied to weapons." Tenten's head snapped up, "What?" Ghost pulled a small seal from his pocket and unsealed a short sword, "This is what I bribed Kakashi with to get him to show me the signs for the Raikiri."

He channeled chakra into the hilt where the seal was carved and the blade suddenly erupted with lightning, "A _REAL_ Lightning Blade, along with the knowledge of how to make seals to imbue the power of his Raikiri into any weapon he picks up. I wouldn't be surprised if he spent the whole night carving seals into his shuriken. I showed him how to do that, so don't go challenging him to any shuriken duels any time soon Guy-Sensei, he might just be slinging lightning bolts." Then he paused and looked at the still sparking blade in his hand as an idea ran across his mind, "There's a thought…"

"What?" Tenten asked eagerly as she got almost uncomfortably close to Ghost. Ghost blinked at the sudden proximity and the realization of just how incredibly cute Tenten was, "Raikiri imbued whips or bolas essentially. Much more reach and speed than the sword and with the power of the Raikiri they'll still cut things just as well. The weight wouldn't be there, so it could be deflected more easily by a wind jutsu, and it would be a primarily middle ranged weapon, but it would be very hard to beat at that distance. Running the seal down the wire would be very difficult, so I would probably carve the seal into a shuriken and tie a wire through it, run chakra down the wire, it goes into the seal and ignites the shuriken. Bigger shuriken would be a tad more difficult to control, but they'd have a lot more impact. I just completely revolutionized your arsenal didn't I?"

Tenten promptly hugged and then kissed him, "Yes you did you wonderful boy you! Hinata, if you _ever_ get tired of him I want him next!" She gently poked Ghost's nose with a teasing smile, "Don't _you_ forget that either." She grabbed Lee, "Come on Lee!" She was gone in an instant carrying Lee flapping along in her grip like a kite. Guy blinked, "Wait for me!" Then he was gone too. Ghost watched them go, the stunned look still plastered across his face, "I may have to take her up on that…"

Hinata punched him in the shoulder, "Hey!" Ghost looked at her and grumbled in English, "What? We're just faking right?" Hinata blinked and then appeared to realize she had been openly jealous. She crossed her arms and sniffed back in English, "So I'm faking it. This is what I'd do right now if I cared." Ghost smiled and nodded, as he reverted back to Japanese, "Is that what it is? You shouldn't worry." He resealed his sword and wrapped her in a hug, "I wouldn't get out of bed early to come see just _anyone_ you know. It's something I'd only do for the most amazing girl in the world, and that. Is. _You_." He accentuated each word with a kiss. Hinata blushed and looked away, "Jerk," she grumbled in Japanese, "but I forgive you." Ghost stepped back, "Come on, let's get going. We don't want to be late for the graduation exams."

==That Afternoon==

"Shikamaru" and "Hinata" had followed Mizuki and Naruto after the day ended, never letting them out of their sight for an instant as they silently waited for Mizuki to make his move. When he did, sitting on that balcony overlooking the village, two heads popped over the edge of the roof above the treacherous teacher, "Well, doesn't _that_ sound interesting? Think we can get in on this secret test Mizuki-sensei? Sounds like fun."

Mizuki jumped guiltily before recognizing them, "Oh, uh, Shikamaru and Hinata! Yeah, sure I mean, I see no reason why not." Hinata smiled serenely, "Hmm so what are you thinking for this "secret" test?

Mizuki scrambled to cope with the new factors and quickly began to babble out lies to cover himself, "Well it's actually a very well established tradition you see, anyone who can steal the Forbidden Scroll from the Hokage and learn a jutsu from it is clearly above and beyond genin level, so it's a sort of last-ditch attempt test for those who are losing hope of passing the Academy's standard test but have notable talent anyway. Given that you've tried it several times already and you're still having trouble despite the talent we know you have Naruto, Iruka and I put it to the Council of Elders and Lord Hokage yesterday for you to be allowed to attempt this test if you failed the graduation exam today. I really shouldn't let you have friends help you on this test Naruto, but as we assign genin to work in teams of three, I suppose it can't hurt for the two of you to help him out." (Mizuki clears his throat) "However there is one more thing I have to tell you: There's a time limit. You have to get the Forbidden Scroll to me by dawn or you fail. Come on, I'll show you where to meet me and give you more details on where the scroll is located."

Hinata eyed him thoughtfully for a moment, and then just as Mizuki was becoming uncomfortable she smiled, "Ah yes... the secret test. I think an older cousin mentioned it to me." Shikamaru looked at her, "It was a fake scroll wasn't it?"

"Of course it's fake. Do you honestly think the highest shinobi in the village would leave village secrets lying around for a Genin to up and steal?" Hinata replied as though it were the most obvious answer in the world. Rose • 1:42 PM

"Had to check you know?" Shikamaru shrugged before turning back to Mizuki, "So, where to Sensei?" Mizuki smiled, "Right this way kids!"

==Later That Night==

About an hour before midnight, Shikamaru, Hinata and Naruto landed on a branch outside the Hokage's house. Shikamaru looked over at Hinata, "Ok, Hime, use your Byakugan to check for guards and traps, then remain here to keep an eye out. Nobody goes in except us. Distract and redirect if you can, incapacitate if you can't. If you'll tell me where the guards are, I'll deal with them while Naruto gets the scroll."

"Ok" Hinata whispered as she activated her Byakugan and looked around, "Security seems surprisingly lax. Only three guards, Jonin if I had to guess." Shikamaru grinned, "Then I'm going to have quite a little workout aren't I? Any traps we need to know about?"

"Three sets of mind-trap style Genjutsu at each point of entry-exit and a mid-level alarm at each exit-entry as well," Hinata declared. Shikamaru pondered that for a second, "Anything around the perimeters of the rooms? If there's not, then Naruto can transform into something like a mouse and bypass them easily."

"Around the perimeter is a sensory type seal that relates a feedback of any chakra signature to the monitoring ninja," Hinata replied. Shikamaru thought carefully for a moment, "I'll handle that seal, but we're going to have to go at this a lot harder and faster than I anticipated. I'm going to rip that seal out of the ground. Hinata, Naruto, pick a target, _take them down._ Avoid killing them if you can, when you're done, Hinata mind the perimeter like we had planned, Naruto go after the scroll while I deal with whoever comes to see what happened to the seal. If you see Lord Hokage, use your Sexy Jutsu to get a sucker punch in on him. We're passing this test." Hinata and Naruto nodded in unison, "Got it."

==Naruto==

Naruto quickly slunk through the brush and approached the guard. He was feeling confident until the guard turned around and looked at right at him, "Come on out. I know you're there." Naruto's control had never been the best, but now it shattered and he leapt from the bushes, "WHAT?! HOW'D YOU KNOW I WAS HERE?!" "You're wearing a bright kill me orange jumpsuit kid," the Jonin replied, "I saw you coming a mile away."

Naruto was livid, but completely unable to find a comeback to that. The Jonin sighed, "You probably came to talk to Lord Hokage about your graduation exam right?" Naruto blinked, "Yeah, how'd you know?" The Jonin sighed, "Go on in. He said you'd probably come to talk to him at some point. I'll deactivate the alarm seals." Naruto blinked and then a grin broke out over his face, "Thanks!" "No prob," Asuma replied wearily, "I'd tell you to just announce yourself a little better next time, but that jumpsuit was announcement enough."

==Hinata==

There wasn't a sound to alert the guard that he was being stalked. There was just a sudden flash of crippling pain and then the mind rattling thump of collapsing face first into the ground. The guard's eye twitched in consternation as Hinata gently tugged his hitai-ate off his forehead and down over his eyes, "Don't worry, you won't die from that, or this." Then she was gone leaving the battered guard to struggle back to their feet, only to collapse a moment later as Hinata's Sensory Short-Circuit genjutsu took devastating effect.

==Shikamaru==

I quietly thought every swearword I could think of, some several times as I realized who my opponent was, _Hime, we REALLY need to have a talk about what goes into a mission briefing…_ Might Guy. The number one opponent in all of Konoha that I had the worst chance of beating. Most shinobi rely a lot on their brains and unique fighting styles, Guy was a simple brute force brawler. The issue was that he was the best damn brute force hand-to-hand combatant in the world. Taking him head on was tantamount to suicide in my current condition, and no amount of pain I could inflict would stop him. If anything, it would probably make him fight harder.

 _I would have to kill him to beat him,_ I thought grimly, _and I have no wish to make an enemy of Squad 9. I've got to get Guy out of here…_ Then a metaphorical light bulb went on over my head. The evil grin slid across my features and I got the wicked little kick that goes with breaking the rules. I quickly schooled my features into an exceptionally stressed expression and whispered, "Psst, Guy-sensei!" Guy whirled and spotted me quickly, starting to boom only to cover his mouth and start again at a normal person's speaking volume, "Shikamaru! What brings you here at this late hour?"

I beckoned him closer and whispered quickly, "I came to warn you! Mizuki-sensei's a traitor! He's threatened to kill Hinata's little sister if I don't steal the Forbidden Scroll for him! He made me rope Hinata and Naruto into it because he knows Naruto can get close to the Hokage and I think he's planning to kidnap Naruto and Hinata for ransom after he sells the Forbidden Scroll to the highest bidder! You've gotta stop him Guy-sensei! I sold Hinata on it by telling her we were helping Naruto with a secret test to bypass his failure of the Academy final, and Naruto thinks it's a secret test too! Mizuki told him he's gotta steal the scroll and learn one of the techniques in it, but Mizuki just wants Naruto to steal it and bring it to him! There may be others in cahoots with Mizuki, I don't think he's smart enough to think this all up on his own, so we've got to get the scroll and make all this look like it's the real deal in case one of the guards or the person monitoring the seals is a mole waiting to go hurt Hanabi-chan the minute we try to warn the Hokage or get out of it, but if you can catch Mizuki before anything bad happens while we steal the scroll to give back as soon as we can, we can hand him over to the ANBU to make him spill all his beans! If you grab Lee on your way there, he can go get Neji and they can sound the alert with the Hyuga and guard Hanabi-chan! You've gotta move quick! Mizuki told me we only had an hour to pull this off or he'd go after Hanabi-chan! He's at Storehouse #43 waiting for us! I've gotta stay here and make sure Hinata and Naruto don't get hurt, but please Guy-Sensei, you have to help me! You're the only one who can right now!"

Guy's eyes widened and then he nodded, "Very well Shikamaru, I will go apprehend this Mizuki and take him into custody. One thing first though." Before I could even ask what it was, Guy jacked my jaw so hard it launched me about ten feet into the air and sailing backwards. I struggled to remain conscious and heard Guy apologizing through the ringing in my ears before taking off as fast as his feet could carry him. It made sense I thought, Guy had to make sure I wasn't using a transformation or genjutsu to mask my appearance. Still hurt like hell though.

I picked myself up and saw Hinata-hime sitting in a tree with her Byakugan active, "Nice work Shikamaru-kun. Naruto's almost done. He had to Sexy Jutsu the Hokage, and Asuma saw him and let him in so there were no alarms triggered, but we still need to move fast before Lord Hokage wakes up and figures out what happened." Then she Body-Flickered down and right up into my face, " _And what was that about lying to me?!_ " "We proceed as though nothing happened," I declared firmly, "I'll explain more later, there's no time to waste." Naruto bounded up, "I got it guys! Come on! Let's get going! I've gotta show Mizuki-Sensei!"

I smacked him gently in the head, "Bonehead you were spotted! Part of the test was getting in and back out unseen!" Naruto paled, "So I fail?" "No, now we've gotta make sure you master one of those techniques _before_ we meet Sensei! Come on," I added, "we'll find a spot where you can concentrate. Hinata, is your place available?" Thank Kami she picked up on my subtle hint, "Yeah, we'll work on the roof." "We'll stop on the way so Naruto can get a look at the first jutsu in there and be learning the signs." Naruto nodded, all trace of his usual frivolity gone as he understood the gravity of the situation, "Right." And a moment later, we were gone.  
==Ten Minutes Later==

I motioned for a stop on a secluded low roof, "We'll pause here to get a handle on our jutsu before we proceed." Naruto and Hinata nodded, "Right." Naruto slung the scroll around to his front and set it down before gently unrolling it. I unrolled it further and started seeking a jutsu to use for myself. "Aw man! Why does it have to be clone jutsu?! That's my worst one!"

I looked quickly to make a pretense of having read the jutsu and then I smacked Naruto gently, "Knucklehead that's not just any clone jutsu, that's _SHADOW CLONE_ jutsu! It'll let you make an actual army of yourself and vastly accelerate your learning speed if you set all your clones to learning something because you get their memories when they dissipate! If you can learn that you'll be able to become one of the most powerful versatile shinobi in the world at a rate most people can only dream of! Learn that jutsu! It'll let you overcome every handicap you've ever had!"

Naruto stared at me in shock, "Seriously?" I gave him a look, "Would I tell you that if it were wrong?" Naruto blinked and then immediately started pouring over the jutsu just as I heard Hinata-hime declare a particular jutsu, "SWEET!" I smiled at her, "Find something you like hime?" She laid a finger to her lips for silence and continued to study the scroll before her. I smiled and quickly began scanning the rest of the scroll. Then I found one that floored me. My eyes were as big as saucers as I breathed, "Ho-ly shit…" Then my very best shark-found-a-bare-bottom grin curled across my face as I quickly and carefully launched into the hand signs for the jutsu that I was certain would make me near unbeatable.

As soon as I finished the activation sequence, I felt everything lurch. I got a horrid sense of vertigo and everything started spinning. I felt like my innards were going to toss themselves out and my pulse pounded in my everything. On top of all that I went cross-eyed and couldn't swear, move or breathe properly.

==Hinata==

After the first alarming moments of panic slipped into my subconscious, I grabbed Shikamaru and dragged him into a slightly more comfortable area, propping him up against a chimney. A flash of conscience twisted in my stomach as I remembered his insane plan, but we needed to continue the mission and I grabbed Naruto and continued with our mission. Naruto appeared worried but upon a glare from me and being told that Shikamaru would be fine he continued, visibly struggling.

After selecting my jutsu and in the midst of trying to figure out how to transcribe them in a way that would be impossible to forget or lose I got fed up with Naruto's incompetence and decided to lend a hand. I took a steadying breath, "Ok Naruto I'm going to help you make a clone." Naruto perked up and I immediately had his attention as I continued, "Make your sign like you were, but this time be extra careful that only the calm, cool energy and warm sunny feeling energy are balanced, and always make sure they "feel" the same amount. If you put too much of one and not enough of the other, it'll be unbalanced and well…we both know how that works out." I said as compassionate and understandingly as I could in my faux Iruka-teacher lecture tone.

Naruto nodded and I switched on my Byakugan to see how this went, the Yin and Yang energies were rocking back and forth, slowly being molded into each other until they were balanced, no sign of any "other" pesky energies at all. I sighed in relief. "Ok Naruto, try now." The grin on Naruto's face when at least 7 perfect replica's emerged around us could have lit up every place in Konoha for a year. "We are so awesome" I whispered. Then something occurred to me and I grinned at the scroll, "And now I think I can grab these seals and if I'm right I can just merge them onto myself. I always wanted tattoos anyway". Naruto looked at me like I was somehow insane and some fusion of his best dreams and worst nightmares, I could work with that.

After a few minutes I felt ready to try my theory, a slight buzzing burning through me of fear and accomplishment gave me a high like I'd never felt before. I turned off my Byakugan to give my full attention to the scroll as I laid my hands over the seals, and was promptly absorbed in my task. I looked it over making sure each and every detail was perfectly noticed and recorded in my mind's eye then with absolute concentration and precision I carefully extracted a thin layer of the inky-chakra that made up the seal and merged it up my arms. Biting my lip as the sharp needle-like pain bit and burned while the energies mixed with my own and finally settled into form centered around the palms of my hands, the slight salty taste of blood dripped into my mouth as my lip bled. Looking up, the world had faded into watery-pastel, annoyed at myself I spent the next few moments scrubbing my face free of all tear stains. Which was good because right then a nasty piece of ninja known as Shikamaru decided to wake up.

==Ghost==

I must have made some funny noises because Hime and Naruto were both kneeling over me when everything stopped spinning and I got my eyes back straight. Hime had her Byakugan active and was looking at me in what I think was concerned wonder, "What did you just do?"

I exhaled and tried to reorient myself to the fact that my senses had all been sharpened to perfection, "I just perfectly balanced my chakra by absorbing a blast of nature chakra. The jutsu used it to alter my body to match my physical yang energies to my mental yin." "Meaning?" Hime asked impatiently. "Meaning," I said as I sat up, "number one I'm now every bit as strong, fast, durable and all around tough as I am smart, and my natural affinity is no longer elemental, or even Yang or Yin, but perfectly balanced Yin-Yang. My chakra can now negate all other chakra except for nature chakra which only sages can use. There are numerous other benefits which come with it, but I'll develop those later. For now, are you two almost done? We need to hurry. I doubt we have long before all hell breaks loose. By the way, does my chakra look different?"

"It's jet black…" Hinata said quietly, "It's almost like there's oil running through your chakra system. It doesn't glow like normal chakra either, if I weren't looking right at you and knew you were here, I don't think I'd be able to see your chakra at all against a dark background."

I blinked and then looked at my hand and formed a Rasennokogiri. Sure enough, it manifested as a jet of pure black inky darkness. I whistled quietly, "Suh-weet!" I snuffed out my technique and looked up at her, "And I know what you're thinking, no, I am not a Sage. Yes that was a senjutsu technique, but it was a ridiculously risky one-time deal with a high chance of lethal failure that I would never have even attempted if you hadn't had the means to execute the Edo-Tensei to revive me right in front of us. Any further senjutsu on my part will require the training that goes with it. For now, I've got Yin-Yang Release and that's enough. For now anyway," I added with a smirk that clearly implied it wouldn't be enough forever. Then I smiled, "So what did you get?"

She raised her hands to show me a pair of complex seals etched into her palms almost like they had been tattooed there, "The ultimate Shinigami-fuin allowing me to seal or unseal anybody or anything into the Shinigami's stomach with a touch or completely erase them from all memory and record along with the seal and activation sequence for the Edo-Tensei," Hinata replied with a smug grin as my jaw dropped. "You were twitching on the ground like a fish out of water for a good fifteen minutes," she explained, "Naruto's almost got the hang of the Shadow Clones as well. He hasn't made an army yet, but he has made one successfully, so I'd say we're sufficiently prepared to go wading off into this mess you've gotten us into."

Naruto looked at us as he straightened up with the freshly recoiled Forbidden Scroll on his back, "Mess? What mess? This is all just a test right?" Hime and I both sweat dropped a little bit. "Ah yeah," I said, "about that... It's kind of a long story. Can we walk and talk? We've got somewhere we _really_ need to be right about now. I'll explain as we run, but if all Hell hasn't broken loose yet it's going to shortly unless we get there first." Naruto frowned, clearly thinking hard, "Alright, but I don't get why a simple test would be so important."

I grimaced as I climbed back to my feet, "I'll explain on the way. For now, arrowhead formation, Hinata take point and keep an eye out for trouble." Hime nodded, "Right," and bounced away across the rooftops. I pulled Naruto along, "Come on! We've gotta hurry!"

==Ten Minutes Later==

To call what broke loose the instant we arrived at the Hyuga Compound "All Hell" is a bit of an understatement. I've got to hand it to Sai. His abilities are just plain ridiculous. Not one, not ten, I'm thinking more like a hundred ink monsters considerably bigger than the average bull and every bit as strong and fast. I charged my left hand with my Kageryuken and drew my Raikiri blade from its seal as the beasts turned toward us and charged, "Naruto, I don't care what else you do tonight, _that scroll does not leave your possession._ If anyone tries to get it from you other than Lord Hokage, tear. Them. Apart. Hinata, find the shinobi doing this, alert me to his location when you find him because he will probably attempt to commit suicide rather than be caught and we need him alive to root out any other co-conspirators. Both of you guard that scroll with your lives and every jutsu you can bring to bear."

Then I Body Flickered through the center of the horde of Ink Beasts, lashing out indiscriminately with my blade and shadows. When I stopped there was an eruption of ink behind me as twenty Ink Beasts collapsed back into ink. I grinned, "Kageryuken, Shadowed Lightning." I thrust my hand out behind me and a massive wall of shadow spikes erupted from the ground, skewering the three trying to get me from behind. I leapt sideways and my Kageryuken manifested a katana sized spike on the back of my elbow which I jabbed into another Ink Beast before twisting and willing the blade like spike to swing forward and become a proper sword, slashing through another Ink Beast in the process.

==Hinata==

Luckily we were just inside the Hyuga gates by then. With a shout at Naruto to protect the scroll at all costs, I immediately responded by turning on my Byakugan.

"Roughly 10 ANBU and 7 Jonin level monsters, and a handful of Chunin," I called out over the shockingly overly loud noise that was Sai's army vs Shikamaru. Noticing that Neji and his team were making their way towards us and goaded by that desperate desire to NOT end up dead before they arrived, I grabbed Naruto and back to back we fought as though our lives depended on it, which they probably did.

==Shikamaru==

I pulled my Shadow Sword back and thrust, stretching my Shadow Blade as far forward as I could with as much force as I could muster. I was deeply satisfied to see two more Ink Beasts collapse and then I Body Flickered straight upward and right back down, landing and forcing my shadow into an eruption of two meter high spikes in the middle of another clump of the Ink Beasts.

I Body Flickered up onto a wall and clung there with my chakra, taking a brief moment to survey the scene below and decide my next strike path. I smiled as I saw Naruto and Hime back to back, Hime covering Naruto against anything that got through his wall of Shadow Clone bodies while he continued to spam more and more, each one armed with a pair of kunai and making up for Naruto's lack of skill with sheer ferocity and numbers.

I also noticed that Neji and Lee had joined the fight at the opposite end of the street and were wading through the Ink Beasts like water as the Beasts turned to attack them. Then Tenten appeared in the air over them and unleashed a hailstorm of kunai and various other considerably larger weapons from within a double helix of scrolls and a cloud of smoke. Over half the Ink Beasts at Team Guy's end of the street collapsed instantly, leaving a fifty foot cleared area around Lee and Neji to give them a breather.

I grinned as I recognized Tenten's Twin Rising Dragons, _so that's what it's supposed to look like!_ I resealed my Raikiri and then I grinned as I flipped through the Dragon and Tiger signs before settling into the Rat, _my turn._ "Foreshadowed Approach! _THOUSAND ARMED MURDER!_ " The shadow on the side of the building I was perched on erupted into a hurricane of basketball sized fists that plummeted down and matched Tenten's attack for destruction, instantly clearing the middle of the street.

==Hinata==

Damn Tenten was amazing! I thought as I watched her attack mow down two dozen Ink Beasts in the time it takes to say it. Then Shikamaru's new jutsu somehow _matched_ Tenten's Twin Rising Dragons, which if we _weren't_ in the middle of a battlefield would have made me just stop and stare in awe. I'm sure I turned green in envy for a few minutes.

"Well two can play at that," I thought, and grabbing the special gloves Shikamaru had made me which I'd been saving for a "special" occasion, "Naruto here, take them and merge their power with your clones." If possible Naruto's trickster, or by now Jokeresque grin got larger. _Oh sweet gods I'd just made a monster_ , I thought and strangely, I wasn't afraid. Naruto might be a trickster and as devious a planner as the Joker, but he wasn't cruel or deranged.

==Shikamaru==

Hime must've seen the change in the tide of the battle because she said something to Naruto who yelled, "NOW!" Suddenly all the Naruto's dropped their kunai and their hands erupted in lightning as they savagely leapt upon their foes and ripped them to shreds in a massive blaze of lightning that was as bright as the sun. I had to bark out a small laugh, Hime had loaned Naruto the Raikiriken gloves I had made for her to clone out with his entire army, _That was brilliant!_

Then the dragons erupted up out of the street. I deadpanned at them, "Of course." I folded my fingers back into my Kageryuken claws and willed half a dozen blade like shadow spikes into existence down my shoulder and forearms, "Wild Shadow!" I proceeded to Body Flicker back and forth through the forest of massive serpentine bodies, claws and blade like spikes extended all over my body tearing rents through the Ink Dragons. I finished my tangled web of Body Flickers in front of Team Guy landing poised to spring again in preparation for the next threat I was certain was coming, "Neji, Lee, Tenten, good to see you. Thanks for coming. I take it you've already gotten Hanabi-chan secured?"

Neji nodded, "She is safe with my uncle and half the clan guarding her." I nodded, "Good." I smiled, "I knew I called the right team for back up." Then an ink giant erupted from the street.

I sighed, "Lee, I'm gonna need you to throw Neji at that. Neji, you can use your Rotation midair to turn yourself into a giant projectile and smash that thing. Tenten please assist me in exterminating all these rats carrying exploding tags while Lee and Neji deal with Big and Ugly number one there. I imagine Naruto and Hinata can and will deal with the other one." Team Guy looked at me, "Other one?" There was an eruption behind me and with a glance I skewered the second one with my shadows as it came up through the street, "Never mind. Lee, Neji?" Lee and Neji blinked and then remembered my instructions for their new combo move as the ink giant finished climbing up onto the street and charged us.

Before it took its fourth step a Neji centered chakra ball hit it like a meteor and blasted clean through it. Even as Lee was launching Neji I was spreading my shadow down the street, catching and paralyzing the ink rats as it touched them. Then I blinked in surprise as they collapsed and the paper bombs they were carrying fizzled out when my shadow touched them. Then I realized my Yin-Yang Release was shorting out the chakra powering them through contact with my shadows, something I hadn't noticed before because I had been attributing the destruction of the ink beasts to my attacks. I grinned, _this just got a lot easier,_ "Tenten, keep an eye out. I can neutralize these things. The one doing this is clever and clearly a master of this jutsu. Now that I've neutralized his standard attacks, he'll go for another angle, such as hitting us from…" I looked up and saw a flock of ink birds trailing strings of lit paper bombs, "above instead of below. Must have a clone up there. Miss Best Aim in Konoha, if you would do the honors of knocking those out of the sky?"

Tenten blushed slightly and then cut loose a barrage of shuriken.

==Hinata==

The rush of victory faded and I noticed with a slight flutter of shock that Naruto's clones were disappearing in small explosions as dozens of tiny Ink Rats scurried across the street towards us, and I was increasingly defenseless. Out of the corner of my vision Neji came rocketing to protect me, blowing back over a dozen of the doodled vermin with a quick Kaiten. He looked over his shoulder at me and nodded, "Hinata-sama." Then he dove into battle, viciously stomping away as many Ink Rats as he could. I almost laughed at how funny he looked dancing and jumping around like that and then I leapt into "battle".

We worked side by side for what seemed like forever, and then I noticed a chakra signature which had to be Sai taking refuge in a compartment that led to the underground sewer. To my surprise Shikamaru's shadow, which I had noticed oozing from shadow to shadow closer and closer to Sai's hiding place, before a strangled sound of surprise-horror sounded as the shadows consumed him. A sick, queasy, resigned horror swept over me before disgusted anger fell over me like a smothering blanket, and then cracked like an eggshell oozing out rage and righteous fury which I then directed at Shikamaru.

For what seemed like a agonizingly long time I was paralyzed before again the 'need" to survive drove me to move, my head and eyesight watching in molasses like slow motion as Shikamaru jumped into the air with a Body Flicker. Shikamaru was a speck in the sky falling back to earth, then he substituted out almost beyond the range of my Byakugan, a black-and-white bird which had to have been one of Sai's Ink beasts appearing in his place. I blinked and then Shikamaru reappeared overhead with the real Sai before they decided that making a crater was a good idea.

==Shikamaru==

I rose from where I had crouched to give Tenten an open line of fire and pointed to a spot in the air over the street, "The clone was under us, I already neutralized it so we don't have to worry about anything else from below. I'm going topside. If he's within sight, I'm going to put him right there. Aim to wound not kill, we want this nuisance alive." Tenten looked at me in surprise, "How did you…" before she could finish I was gone in a Body Flicker. I stopped midair over the street and high enough to see over all the buildings around before spinning as I fell back towards the ground. I grinned as I spotted Sai's giant Ink Hawk and promptly substituted with it. Sai fell with me, and realized he was falling just in time for me to grab him and Body Flicker back to above where Tenten was perforating the Ink Hawk with kunai. I caught Sai with the shadows within my coat and Body Flickered to the ground upside down before letting him go and substituting away mid-flicker.

Sai hit the ground at the full speed of the Body Flicker. There was a very interesting and loud cracking sound as his shoulder, collarbone and a few ribs shattered. I walked back over to him calmly and saw him stuff something into his mouth. I immediately pounced and stuffed my hand into his mouth, charged with my Yin-Yang release, "Oh no, no paper bomb suicide for you!" I crumpled the paper bomb up and yanked it out of his mouth before punching him in the nose.

==Hinata==

Were they dead? My mind couldn't really wrap itself around that concept, and before I could truly consider it I jumped into the rapidly clearing dust cloud filling the crater, my Byakugan searching for each and every flare of chakra available. _You had_ _ **better**_ _be alive_ , I thought _._ I was rewarded with the telltale flare of shinobi trained chakra and the distinct scent of ground ink. As I finally got a good look at them, I was relieved to see Shikamaru smugly sitting on top of what had to be Sai's battered looking body.

==Shikamaru==

I smiled at Sai as Hime slid down into the crater our impact had made, "Anything to say?" "Dantho-thama wi' 'e 'otht dithpleaved," Sai said calmly in a nasal voice with a lisp that I didn't think he was supposed to have and his eyes slightly crossed from the concussion he almost certainly had. Then as I blinked in shock, Sai's eyes snapped back into focus, went wide as saucers and if he could have gotten any paler or clapped his pinned hands over his mouth in horror, I'm sure he would have. I grinned wickedly, "Danzo huh? Well now that you don't have that seal making you be quiet, you're going to have some interesting things to say aren't you?" I smiled over my shoulder at the figure in billowy robes that had just appeared, "Don't you think so Lord Hokage?"

Hiruzen Sarutobi was not smiling as what looked like every Jonin in Konoha started landing on the rooftops and in the street around us, "Oh I think many interesting things are going to be said tonight Shikamaru-kun. You have some explaining to do." I rose and bowed with a calm smile, "Of course Lord Hokage. Would you like me to begin with the being blackmailed by my sensei, the ridiculously insufficient security on what is probably the most dangerous scroll in the village or the assault we just fended off?"

"Start with the beginning," Hiruzen ordered in a voice that would accept no nonsense. Too bad for him, I felt like having a little nonsense. "Oookayyy," I said in a voice that really should have warned him what was coming, "So mom met dad, dad liked mom, mom liked dad, dad proposed in the form of mom bashing him over the head and dragging him to the altar, then on their honeymoon they…" "STOP." Hiruzen cut me off, visibly unamused as I tried my damnedest not to laugh.

I smiled, which wasn't hard and pretended to realize what he meant, "Ohhh, you meant the beginning of the current fiasco. Well Mizuki, who Guy-Sensei should be arriving with soon, caught up to me a day or two ago after word got out that I'm romantically involved with Hinata and told me point blank that I could either help him steal the Forbidden Scroll, or he'd kill Hinata's little sister Hanabi. He also said that if I told anyone or tried to do anything to stop him, he'd know and make sure Hanabi suffered for it. Needless to say, I couldn't let that happen, and the logical assumption was that he wasn't working alone and if I were going to beat him I'd need help."

"So I got him to let me bring an unknowing Hinata into the plan. I had to lie and tell her it was a test for Naruto to allow him to bypass the Academy graduation exam because we both know he's as good as either of us even if he can't prove it in a classroom. This was the same lie Mizuki told Naruto to get _him_ in on it, I believe Mizuki was planning to ransom Naruto, Hinata and possibly me as well and sell the scroll to the highest bidder. He kept me in the dark on a lot of stuff and left most of the planning to me, but once I had Hinata and Naruto for back-up it was very easy to go get the scroll. I got the most important element of help I needed when I caught Guy-Sensei while he was on patrol at your house Lord Hokage. I quickly explained the situation to him and sent him after Mizuki and to send his team to guard Hanabi-chan while my team proceeded as normal to keep from tipping off any possible accomplices Mizuki might've had. I would like to point out that Guy-Sensei nearly broke my jaw making sure I wasn't an imposter."

Hiruzen smiled ever-so-slightly as I continued, "Hinata-hime says Asuma-Sensei let Naruto in because apparently you were expecting him, and then Naruto got you with," Hiruzen clearly wanted me to skip that point but I plowed on, "the Sexy Jutsu before we made our escape with the Scroll. We came straight here after stopping to inform Naruto of what was happening and learn a few new jutsu. Hinata and Naruto both thought the scroll was a fake as it was supposed to be a test, and thus they saw no harm in learning what they thought would be genin level jutsu at most."

"And what about you?" Hiruzen interrupted, "Did you knowingly learn a forbidden jutsu?" "Given that it was a one-time jutsu that might very well have killed me upon using it and gotten me out of all this troublesome explaining, yes Lord Hokage, I used the First Hokage's jutsu to alter my body and chakra to be perfectly balanced. It would have seemed odd if I did nothing while Naruto and Hinata learned new jutsu and might have tipped off anyone watching us that I was planning to double cross Mizuki. If I had died, then Naruto and Hinata would have immediately known something was wrong and tried to get help. If it worked, which it did, I got an entirely new bag of tricks which I expect haven't been seen since Lord First to put to use in defending my home, friends and family and diffusing this little fiasco." Hiruzen _hmmm-_ ed, "And what did you learn?"

"As I said, my chakra is now perfectly balanced. I now have no affinity, but as a result my chakra is perfectly neutral and can neutralize any other chakra barring the nature chakra used by Sages as well as become absolutely any element," I explained bluntly, "I don't know any uses for it beyond my usual arsenal of jutsu, but it is my chakra's nature now and nothing can be done to change it. I would like to note that it can apparently diffuse blast tags and undo seals on contact as this shinobi," I indicated Sai, "attempted to use both and neither worked after coming into contact with my chakra. His jutsu was also rendered inert by such contact. I don't know the full extent of my new chakra's capabilities, but I believe the jutsu to unlock it was labeled kinjutsu because of the high chance of fatality when activating it."

Hiruzen thought about that for a moment and then nodded, "Very well. Continue." I nodded, "Yessir. After learning our jutsu and me flopping around on the ground like a fish out of water for about fifteen minutes while my body adjusted, we came straight here and immediately found ourselves locked in battle with an army of large ink beasts created by this man's jutsu. Team Guy assisted greatly. We fought, we won, you arrived and asked me to explain, and that brings us up to the present which is the end of my explanation sir."

Hiruzen stared me down…or he tried. I was trying to pick out familiar faces in the crowd of Jonin all around. Then Hiruzen asked sharply, "And how do I know you didn't plan this all yourself and you're not just trying to pin it on your sensei?" My gaze snapped back to him and I smiled, "Simple Lord Hokage." I grabbed Sai and picked him up by the back of his collar, "How did this man know to follow and attack my team if he wasn't a coconspirator? I suppose he could be ANBU and decided to follow us out of curiosity about why we had the Forbidden Scroll with us, but where's his mask? How did he know it was the Forbidden Scroll and not any other exceptionally large scroll? Why would he just up and attack us with no sort of confrontation to ask what we were doing? Why would he try to blow his own head off and then declare that someone named Danzo would be most displeased with him when I stopped him from committing suicide? For that matter, does anyone actually know this guy?" Hiruzen's eyes widened as the muttering started, "Did you say Danzo?"

I pointed to a very resigned looking Sai, "No, he did." I had never heard the sound of an entire crowd face palming at once before and I couldn't stop my smile from growing ever so slightly, _Oh this is going to be so much fun…Hope they don't kill him yet, that would make stealing Shisui's eye much more diffic-wait a minute…ITACHI'S CROW HAS THE OTHER ONE! As long as they don't destroy the one Danzo's got I can steal that one and have them both! Even if they do I've got a back-up!_ My grin grew even wider and it was all I could do to keep the wicked glint from entering my eyes. _Jack. Pot._

==Hinata==

Had I known then what was going to happen, and how our decisions that day would affect our future lives, I would have thought more about the consequences of our actions that night, and perhaps listened to other's advice more. Maybe Shizune would still be alive then…


	6. Chapter 6: Team Assignment: Ghost

Chapter 6 – Team Assignment: Ghost

==Half An Hour Later==

Hinata-hime, Naruto and I sat in the Council room of Hokage Tower with Dad-Shikaku, Hiashi, and the Elders, Homura, Koharu and Danzo. In addition, the entire council had turned out. Every clan head was present. On top of that, I would've about bet that most of the Jonin were outside with their ears pressed to the walls, the exception being Might Guy, who was inside looking rather unsure of himself but trying to put on a strong face for his team. It couldn't have been more perfect for a coup if I had planned it. I scratched my head feigning tired resigned confusion, _Note to self: If need ever arises, this is how to get them all together for a mass extermination._

Hiruzen looked at me, "For those who are unaware, these three children stole the Forbidden Scroll tonight and then proceeded to flee across Konoha with the scroll, learn techniques from it, and then engage in a massive battle with an unidentified shinobi alongside Genin Squad 9 in the Hyuga District." "They stole the Forbidden Scroll all by themselves?" Tsume Inuzuka asked. Hiruzen nodded at her, "That is correct." Tsume laughed, "That's ballsy right there! Did they get caught or did they bring it back?" "We were in the process of trying to secure it from at least and I believe possibly more than one mole," I replied, "That's how the fight started."

Tsume looked at me, "So what's the story kid?" I shrugged, "Mizuki-Sensei told me that if I didn't steal the Forbidden Scroll for him he'd hurt Hanabi-chan. He also hinted that Hinata-hime would be in danger as well, so I stole it with the assistance of Naruto and Hinata-hime fully intending to double cross Mizuki and use this opportunity to exterminate a possible threat to the safety of the village."

"I DID NOT!" Mizuki exclaimed from where he was tied up sitting on the ground with a bruise in the shape of Might Guy's foot covering the entire right side of his face. "YOU DID TOO!" Naruto exclaimed, "YOU TOLD ME IT WAS A SECRET TEST TO BYPASS THE ACADEMY GRADUATION EXAM!" Hime coughed politely, "This was also the excuse I was given. I thought I remembered Neji-niisan mentioning something about a secret test for genin, and with Shikamaru-kun telling me it was for Naruto-kun's benefit I had no reason to disbelieve it."

I raised my hand, "The secret test thing was actually my idea, got the idea from that guy who tricked Ibiki Morino's little brother and stole the Raijen-no-ken. I am terribly sorry for bringing Naruto and Hinata into this, but I would've had to spill a _lot_ of blood to get that scroll if I hadn't. This was the best way available."

"You think you could handle everyone guarding that scroll and lift it right out from under the Hokage's nose?!" Asuma demanded. I deadpanned at him, "Could. Would. Much too troublesome. Found a better way." Tsume laughed while a lot of the rest of the council gawked or glowered, "Shikaku! You didn't tell me he took after Yoshino!" "I didn't think he did," Dad-Shikaku grumbled before sighing, "Troublesome." Tsume laughed harder and then Hiruzen looked me right in the eye, "And how exactly Shikamaru, would you have gotten the scroll if you had not brought Hinata and Naruto in on your little plan?"

I sat back and thought for a moment, "Let's see. Given the number and caliber of the guards, a diversion would be the obvious route to draw them away, but Jonin of that caliber would know better and stay their post for anything short of an invasion or a Bijuu attack. In the end that's what I wound up doing anyway to get Guy-Sensei out of the way, I warned him about Mizuki and his threats and gave him Mizuki's location. I would probably have done that the same way since I kind of like Guy-Sensei and Squad 9. I wouldn't want to hurt any of them unless it was absolutely necessary, or Neji tried to tell me I couldn't go out with Hinata. That and Guy-Sensei would _demolish me_ in a head on fight," I added to the sound of a few chuckles, a glow of pride from Guy and Lee and a glowering sulk from Neji.

"To deal with the others, I would have to say Shadow Stitching in the back because I wouldn't know who I could and couldn't trust. A series of quick silent and brutally thorough kills in rapid succession to eliminate any chance of one of them crying out and raising the alarm. At night, my range is extended indefinitely, and I can use my shadow as a sensory technique, so I could've found and eliminated them before they ever knew I was lurking about." Asuma, Guy and a few others shifted uncomfortably as they realized I very well might have been able to kill all the guards by myself if I'd have been of the mind to.

I plowed on, "As for the perimeter seals, having no way around those, I'd take the direct approach and simply blow up a large part of the building, disguising my theft as an assassination attempt and using a clone disguised as oh, Orochimaru or Itachi Uchiha probably, to draw Lord Hokage away while I slunk in the back, tearing the interior security seals apart with my Shadow Stitching to avoid falling prey to them, and transforming the scroll into a twig while transforming myself into a cat. Then while Lord Hokage ad everyone else was off chasing my clone, I'd take the scroll to a safe location, probably here at the tower, and wait for Guy-Sensei to arrive with Mizuki there before dispersing my clone and waiting for you to figure out what happened. As I said, a very troublesome option and one I'm quite glad I did not have to resort to. Of course," I added thoughtfully, "that was _before_ I used that jutsu…"

There was a round of concerned frowns, "What jutsu?" Hiruzen asked. I smiled, "Oh, the secret one that was behind Lord First's status as the strongest shinobi to ever live." Every eye in the room bugged out. I smiled with a small shrug, "There was a high chance of death with it, but that would've tipped off Hime and Naruto that something was very wrong and they would've stopped and bolted back to you with the scroll Lord Hokage, so I'd call it a calculated risk. Either I die and get out of a whole lot of troublesome explaining while getting my friends' chops out of the fire, or I get unstoppable chakra and the chance to pull their chops out of the fire in person."

Hiruzen looked at me with concern, "Define 'unstoppable'." "My chakra is now capable of negating any and all other chakra, except for nature chakra which only sages can use, and it seems to have adverse affects on other people's flesh given that the shinobi who assaulted us had the inside of his mouth burned when I used my chakra's nullification properties to diffuse an explosive tag he had just tried to eat. The other nifty thing about it, is that it renders me completely immune to genjutsu and Hime who _is_ that trying to use one on me right now? It's really starting to get on my nerves."

Hime activated her Byakugan and pointed at Danzo, "I believe it's the man with the one-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine-ten- _eleven_ Sharingans implanted in his body under his bandages, and Danzo-sama just so you know that is _really_ disturbing to look at. Why on earth would you put those in your _arm?_ " Everyone whirled to look at a suddenly stone-still Danzo. "Oh," Hime added, "And I'm pretty sure that he's used that genjutsu he's trying to get Shika-kun with on everybody here, including me. Release!"

Then she smiled brilliantly as the memory block Danzo had laid on her with the Kotoamatsukami vanished, "Ohhh yeeeah! You were trying to make us forget that our pale faced adversary who attacked us to get the forbidden scroll _mentioned you_ _were his superior_ weren't you Danzo-sama?" As the entire council immediately performed the Genjutsu release, Danzo tried to substitute out and flee, only to find, "Gotcha ya stinkin' rat!" I grinned, "Shadow Paralysis complete! Get him Hime! I'll handle that arm!"

Hime rocketed forward and pounced Danzo, knocking him and his chair over before ripping off Danzo's bandages and plunging her fingers into his eye. She brutally ripped Shisui's eye from Danzo's socket and sealed it into the seal now permanently etched into her hand with a flash of light that made everyone who had ever known about it completely forget it, except for me because I knew about it as a fictional McGuffin. Meanwhile I was busy using my Shadow Stitching to sever Danzo's prosthetic arm with all the Sharingans on it and sling it to me.

I grinned as I caught it and ripped the bandages away and off it, dramatically revealing it in all its grotesque gorey. I held it overhead like a gruesome trophy and pointed at Danzo, "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the true mastermind of the Uchiha Massacre and his motive! What in the ever-living _hell_ did he need all of these for?!" "Who cares?" Hinata asked over her shoulder as she stood over a thoroughly shell shocked and still paralyzed by my shadow Danzo, "I'd kill him just for being a dojutsu thief!"

Hello instant uproar and our crimes of the evening being completely eclipsed and forgotten! Later that evening (almost dawn actually), Hime declared our exploits that night brilliant, even letting me get away with a goodnight kiss in her euphoria, and Naruto, who was sleeping at the Nara house again (we still didn't know about him being adopted yet) dubbed me and Hime the scariest people he'd ever met aside from Mom-Yoshino. I laughed and took it as a compliment.

==The Next Day==

There was nobody about except for me, Sakura and Sasuke. I propped my feet on the desk, "Makes you think doesn't it?" Sakura and Sasuke looked at me, "What does?" Sakura asked. "One of the village elders, the people running the village, was able to amass a private army and make a Leaf Jonin massacre his entire clan after goading the Jonin's clan into considering a coup," I specified. Sasuke's head snapped up and around to stare at me, "What?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, "You haven't heard yet? Danzo spilled absolutely all the beans last night." Sasuke turned his whole body to look at me in shock and horror, "What beans?" "Danzo Shimura, the village elder, was responsible for the deaths of your family," I told him bluntly, "Apparently they were considering a coup because everyone suspected them of being behind the Kyubi Attack on account of Danzo ordering them to fall back and protect the village rather than fight the beast which they might could've forced back or controlled. Then when the coup was almost a surety, Danzo decided to take matters into his own hands, murder your cousin Shisui who had a genjutsu that could've stopped the coup in its tracks, and then force Itachi to massacre your clan lest Danzo send his private personal army of ANBU to do it with specific orders to target _your_ family because your dad was the clan head."

Sasuke was even paler than usual and sweating, "What?" "I'm sure someone would've told you today," I mused, "Why would they keep you in the dark about this? You've been hating your brother all this time and he only did what he did to protect you from a corrupt village elder. All that hate's not good for you, there's no reason to keep you in the dark about it. Now you can focus your rage on someone who will be executed soon for high treason. Isn't that fun? Oh you're welcome by the way, Hinata and I were the ones that exposed him. His execution date hasn't been set yet, but I hear it's going to be quite soon. Why the shock and horror Sasuke? You should be celebrating."

In my head, I played a fiddle labeled "Sasuke" as I continued gleefully playing the village party line cast in a cheerful tone that with a transparent mask highlighted just how very bad a position Sasuke was in, "Your big brother is actually a hero and still cares about you! The number one threat to your health and freedom will be eliminated soon in front of the entire village! You've just graduated at the top of your class and you're about to start what looks to be a promising career as a shinobi in service to the Hidden Leaf with all the excuse you need to be a terrible playboy while you rebuild your clan for the good of the village! You should be celebrating Sasuke! This is a wonderful day!" There was no lie in my words, not a single mistruth. That didn't stop my tone and phrasing from casting every paranoia and fear possible into Sasuke's mind.

The face Sasuke was making was really something. I don't think I've ever seen such a shocked, lost and utterly broken face. Every sadistic mocking instinct I had howled with laughter and reveled in how utterly _destroyed_ he looked. _Oh this is just too easy, he'll follow us to Orochimaru as easily as he went in canon! EASIER!_ I masked my wicked thoughts behind a somewhat condescending amused smile, not the most benevolent expression, more of an "oh you poor simple dimwit" look, but better than openly taking the pleasure I felt in the effect my words were having. I shifted my gaze over to Sakura who looked as though her brain had been every bit as broken as Sasuke's.

 _A slightly tougher target, but not by much if canon's anything to go off of,_ I smiled warmly at her, not that she noticed for staring at Sasuke, _You're next._ My gaze danced back and forth between the two and I only narrowly managed to not laugh as my jubilant smile kept playing about my face, _Oh you poor little sheep, follow the will-o-wisp astray to a land of wonder and villainy in the dark. Oh it feels so good to be BAD!_

I sat back and smirked at the ceiling, then a thought crossed my mind and I looked at Shikamaru's jacket, _Doesn't really look the part I've assumed._ I rose and folded my hands into a hand sign, "Transform!" A moment and a large bit of chakra later, the short light tan jacket had become a long heavy black trench coat with armored shoulder plates. The toeless blue sandals became practical steel toed black boots and my mesh shirt had become a tougher, thicker dark grey mesh that would offer much more protection and stealth.

I smiled and pulled a kunai, quickly stabbing one of my own shoulder plates. It made a nice clang as the metal refused to dissipate like a normal transformation would. I grinned, _Exactly as I thought, Yin-Yang Release is the key to true transformations and beyond that the Creation of All Things._ I smiled slightly, _Never let it be said that I don't plan big._

==Two Hours Later==

I had lured Sasuke and Sakura into a game of strategy and tactics before Kakashi arrived, so when he did, he found the entire room littered with diagrams, maps and assorted small objects. Both Sakura and Sasuke had proven to have delightfully sharp minds and a firm grasp of what needed to happen to make situations work. Granted, it was still two on one and I won as often as I lost because I could come up with tricks they couldn't. However, the game had quickly become a tactical exercise in creating new and deadly techniques and weapons. This was the reason that the room looked like a small warzone when Kakashi poked his head in through the freshly demolished door.

I grinned as I popped up from behind the seal reinforced table we'd taken shelter behind and surveyed the damage delightedly, "Told you my shuriken grenade could wipe out over a dozen men in one shot if I caught them in a group!" "Yes," Kakashi drawled, "But how many of those men would be shinobi? Most shinobi can dodge shuriken, and Jonin can dodge even extremely fast shuriken, such as those propelled by chakra enhanced throwers." I grinned as he entered the conversation and made me think, "Depends on whether or not I include a seal to negate use of the Body Flicker and Substitution. It would have to be a spatial seal with a chakra negating component…mmm…barrier seal…Sakura! Do we have anything in the way of barrier seals in our fuinjutsu textbook?! I've already calculated how to alter the timer seal to detonate two seals in succession but I need a decent one man barrier jutsu!"

Sakura thought for a second, then dove into the text book, "Here we are! Page two hundred and seventy six! Barrier seals, example number four: the Two Meter Howling Moon Wall. Generates a spherical wall of varying strength based on the chakra put into it. Sasuke." She turned the book around and Sasuke immediately transcribed it onto a piece of paper and handed it to me for modification and finalization. I grinned and quickly marked the necessary seals onto a ball, one of the ones I had been using for Rasengan training, and then I sealed half a dozen shuriken into it. I showed the sealing array to Sasuke, who quickly copied it down and handed it to Sakura.

Then I primed it and threw it into a corner. It bounced and detonated, erupting in a two meter wide bubble of chakra before releasing all the shuriken and exploding, filling the chakra bubble with flames and shuriken slung like bullets. I grinned a little nervously as the shuriken began bouncing off the inside of the bubble, ricocheting madly and stretching the bubble like they were going to pop it every time one of the points connected, "Hit the deck."

We did and a second later the bubble burst, all half dozen shuriken flying in random directions with the speed and ferocity of bullets. When the sound of sharp things embedding themselves in walls, desks and whatever else was unfortunate enough to be in their way, I poked my head back up over the desk, "Still alive over there Kakashi-Sensei?" Kakashi poked his head through the door, "Narrowly. Almost lost my other eye. What are you three doing? Aside from destroying this poor classroom and making bombs?"

"Experimental assembly line," I answered with a grin, "I come up with the ideas, Sakura finds the material because she can apparently remember everything we've ever studied that I slept through as well as its exact location in the textbook, Sasuke transcribes it and makes a copy for further modification testing and or use because he's good at speed reading and has a high accuracy rate for copying stuff, must be an Uchiha thing," I added with a grin before finishing, "and I do the modifications to make my crazy ideas work. Example, shuriken grenade. It can work with anything sharp, shuriken, kunai, utensils and now that I think about it, I _really_ want to make a multilayered version of this for maximum carnage."

"Multilayered?" Sakura asked curiously. I nodded with the manic grin of a mad inventor still plastered across my face, "I'll seal multiple grenades into a single grenade and then when that grenade goes off it scatters all the ones sealed within it and then they detonate, spewing their ammo over a larger area, and if I add more grenades into the secondary grenades or even the grenades _in_ the secondary grenades, so on and so on and so forth, then I could wipe out an entire battalion with one projectile!"

Sakura smiled weakly, "You are _really_ into the mass-violence aren't you?" I grinned, "Don't think of it as mass violence, think of it as one shinobi being able to do the work of a dozen, a hundred? A thousand? The better I can arm myself and my allies, the better equipped we'll be to combat the enemaaay could use a rapid activation barrier jutsu of their own to contain the detonation and render it at least weakened if not completely nullified, I'd have to use enhanced ammo to negate any possible barrier jutsu and containment attempts…Kakashi-sensei how good is the Raikiri at punching through barrier jutsu?"

Kakashi stared at me, "You scare me." "Oh you think _this_ is scary?" I laughed, "Wait until you see me seriously _try_ to kill something! Never tell me to kill something you don't want dead, cause I'll kill the target, destroy the evidence and then burn down the region to cover my tracks!" I brought myself back under control and grinned viciously, "metaphorically speaking of course." "Of course," Kakashi replied as he sweat dropped.

"This is our sensei?" Sasuke asked Sakura in an unimpressed voice, "He's a Jonin and _he's_ scared of _us_?" "It doesn't seem the best quality in a sensei," Sakura replied, "but keep in mind we did just figure out how to make a weapon that could theoretically decimate an entire battalion which anyone with the chakra to activate it could use. Right now I'd be scared if I had to fight Shikamaru." Sasuke _hmm_ ed, "He is a formidable opponent." I grinned, "You don't know the half of it! Wait for our first fight against a _real_ opponent and I'll show you what I can do when I take the kid gloves off!"

I gestured to the destruction my shuriken grenade had caused, "This is just a tiny sample of what goes on in my brain. The rest of it is much MUCH..." I paused, searching for a word and then smiled, "bloodier." Kakashi was _seriously_ sweat dropping now as he asked the ceiling in a small voice, "What did I do to deserve this?" I could tell from Sakura and Sasuke's faces that they were thinking the same thing.

==Fifteen Minutes Later==

We sat in one of Konoha's many rooftop gardens, Sasuke on my left and Sakura on my right with Kakashi leaned against a rail facing us. "So," Kakashi said cheerfully, "Why don't you introduce yourselves, one at a time." "I'm Shikamaru," I replied instantly, "I'm levelheaded until I'm not at which point I really want to kill things. Luckily for the world at large it takes a hell of a lot of intentional irritation, or just certain worthless people who rub me the wrong way that I reserve the right to kill on sight, to tick me off. I think a lot, and a lot of what I think about is directed towards my hobbies, which now include my job as a shinobi, which is killing people. Don't care why, don't care how, if I'm presented a target, the target _will_ be eliminated. Collateral damage is generally unpalatable but acceptable as I'm a fan of large scale attacks. My dreams include one day reducing a mountain to rubble and maybe someday in the future, meeting my match. Sakura-chan, your turn."

Sakura blinked, "Um, I'm Sakura Haruno, um…I think I'm pretty levelheaded, and I'm pretty smart…um…my hobbies are…um…" She shot a glance at Sasuke and she continued uncertainly, "…training? My dreams for the future um…" she blanked. She was quiet for a moment as we looked at her expectantly and then she looked down, "I don't know. My dream was to get married to Sasuke and retire when we had children, but you were right Shikamaru, that does sound pretty childish and weak, especially when I say it out loud. So I don't really know what I want any more."

I laid back and crossed my legs, "I don't recall saying it was weak or childish to want to have a family someday. It's perfectly natural to want children, that's a biological drive seated right in the core of your humanity. Just don't blind yourself to possibilities because of a path you set out on as a child with no clue where it would lead. Sasuke?"

Sasuke thought about it for a moment, "I always try to keep my composure as befits a member of the Uchiha, although like Shikamaru, certain people have a knack for getting under my skin and I _really_ hate it. Given the revelations of last night, I find my entire world has turned upside down and I'm not sure what the future holds anymore. Rebuilding my clan is an unchanged priority, although, also like Shikamaru, I won't do it with anyone but the right girl. If she's out there," he added pessimistically.

I smiled, "Don't be so gloomy Sasuke. There's a big world out there ripe for the taking. If you're gonna be a raincloud, be a storm the world will never forget." Sasuke _hmm_ ed, "A storm the world will never forget, you may be onto something there." I smiled and waved a finger in the air before sitting up and pointing right at Kakashi, "And last but not least our illustrious sensei!" I pulled a bingo book from my pocket and started to read.

"Kakashi of the Sharingan," I read with a grin, "S-class shinobi, jonin and former Konoha ANBU, bounty of thirty six million ryo, aka the Copy Ninja and Cold Blooded Kakashi, student of the Fourth Hokage, assassination specialist. Also known as Friend Killer due to the untimely demise of his teammate at his own hands during the Third Shinobi World War, known to be a sore spot. Conceals Sharingan from other teammate beneath hitai-ate, not lightly used due to high levels of stress on his chakra system." I smiled, "All in all we've got one of Konoha's top ten, dare I say top _five_ shinobi for our sensei. _If_ of course we can pass his test tomorrow which is infamous for having been flunked by every team to attempt it." I smirked as I snapped the book shut, "This ought to be fun!"

I feel like Kakashi was frowning at me as he said, "You do realize that if you fail you get sent back to the Academy right?" I grinned, "Then we'd better not fail eh? Give us a time, give us a place. We'll be ready." "Seven o'clock tomorrow morning, training ground 7." I grinned, "We'll be there." I sat up and then rose to my feet, "Sasuke, Sakura, let's go scope out the battleground. We're going to be confronting Kakashi-sensei, we need to prepare." Sasuke and Sakura looked at me in shock. "Didn't you just say he was one of the top five shinobi in the village?!" Sakura exclaimed. I grinned, "You see why I say we need to go prepare. Come on, we're wasting time. Oh, and sensei," I added over my shoulder with a grin, "You should bring your A-game too. I'm just dying for a challenge."

"You idiot!" Sakura exclaimed, "Don't tell him that! This is going to be hard enough as is!" I grinned, "Then I guess I'll have to go a step beyond to make sure we're ready eh?"

==Half An Hour Later==

Sasuke and Sakura did surprisingly well in my micro-bell-test. There weren't any bells, it was just a two on one anything goes spar to get Sasuke ready to accept Sakura's help for the real thing. If he just automatically discarded her as an ally, he'd never stand a chance against Kakashi, just the way he hadn't in canon. Sakura wouldn't stand a chance alone, and even together I had my doubts about whether or not they could pull it off. They were certainly having a lot of trouble with me, and I wasn't going anything like all out.

I wasn't using any offensive weapons or jutsu as I didn't want to seriously hurt them, but that didn't mean I couldn't or wouldn't turn their own attacks back on them. Sasuke had thrown shuriken, I had substituted with him at the last second so he narrowly dodged his own attack and smacked Sakura in the head rather gently, "Don't just stand there, it's asking to get hurt." She opened her mouth to say something and I cut her off, "That means RUN." I cranked out a little killing intent and she took my advice to heart. I don't think I've ever seen her move that fast. I threw a kunai after her. It easily outpaced her, and in an instant I had substituted with it again, landing me right in front of her.

I hadn't realized my left hook was quite _that_ vicious. I had launched people with it before, but I hadn't realized I could knock somebody fifty feet away and crashing into their fleeing teammate. I substituted with her just before impact and dropped a pile driver into Sasuke's head, slamming him to the ground before jumping into the air and substituting with Sakura again, leaving her to fall on top of him in a heap.

I frowned, "You're never going to beat me by fighting as individuals. Neither of you is that strong or skilled. The only way you stand a chance is as a team. It will be even worse against Kakashi! I'll give you a minute to recover and think." I watched calmly as they started talking quietly and then Sasuke started to get unreasonably angry, grabbing Sakura by the shoulders and shouting in her face. I was about to intervene when he pulled back to hit her. Then Sakura substituted with me and Sasuke was grinning from ear to ear as he clocked me.

Then half a dozen shuriken slammed into my side and back. I staggered in surprise and then Sasuke returned my pile driver right in the face. I hit the ground and panted with a rapidly forming grin, "Now that's more like it!" I spun and swept Sasuke's feet out from under him before flipping back to my own feet and springing away. I transformed my wounds away and grinned, "Excellent work you two! Good acting, good strategy, and perfect timing Sakura! That's how we do it!"

Sasuke and Sakura were staring at me. "You're a medical nin?" Sasuke asked. I shook my head, "No. I have a special sort of chakra which I accessed through a kinjutsu. It makes my techniques much more _real_ than most. For example, my Transformation Technique actually changes things instead of just being a good disguise. It's extremely dangerous and I'm still getting the hang of it. It has other effects, but I'll keep those up my sleeve for now and try to avoid chakra neutral damaging jutsu as I'm pretty sure those are the only ones that will be affected without me consciously making it happen. Long story short…" I made a Rasen-nokogiri, "If you see me using this black chakra, _run_. And whatever you do, don't touch it."

"What happens if we touch it?" Sasuke asked warily. I turned and Body Flickered into the forest, mowing down a dozen trees with a blade of Yin-Yang Release. Then I Body Flickered back to them as the trees started falling, "You lose whatever touches it. Instantly. It also applies to chakra. If I shroud myself in an aura of this chakra, I'm untouchable, and genjutsu can't even begin to work on me anymore because the chakra to power it has to interact with my chakra which neutralizes all other chakra."

I smiled a bit smugly, "And I've got a lot more now than I did yesterday." I calmly flipped through my handsigns, spun and threw a punch. A hurricane of shadow fists erupted out of my sleeve and decimated the area before me. I let the barrage end and smiled, "I've never used that technique out of my sleeve before. I can't decide what to call it since it's not as big as my Foreshadowed Approach Thousand Armed Murder."

I looked at my hand and then an idea popped into my head and I grinned as I snapped my hand out again, "Striking Snake Shadows!" A dozen shadows with snake heads erupted out of my sleeve and ripped a tree out of the ground. I grinned and twisted, hurling the tree across the clearing. I grinned, "Yeah, that'll work." Sasuke and Sakura gaped at me.

"You were _not_ this strong yesterday," Sasuke declared, "What happened?" I shrugged, "The incident that led to Danzo being outed for the scum bag he is involved the theft of the village's Scroll of Forbidden Jutsu. I had Hinata and Naruto help me out under duress from Mizuki-Sensei who was outed as a traitor. It was surprisingly easy. I learned one kinjutsu, Naruto learned one, and Hinata learned two. The result of mine is that I now have a truly ridiculous amount of chakra, and I'm now as strong, fast and all around tough as I am smart. _Plus_ I've got chakra that can destroy anything and negate any jutsu."

"And you're a genin?" Sasuke asked in consternation. I shrugged, "What can I say? Battlefield promotions aren't as common as they used to be. As far as raw power, I could probably throw down with Lord Hokage. Wouldn't say I could definitely win, but I think I could at least make him sweat a little. As far as experience though, I'm rather lacking. I think that'll change fairly soon once we start taking missions though. I'm headed for the top and I'm bringing you two with me. You two in?" I asked as I extended a hand with a smile.

Sasuke and Sakura blinked and then Sasuke grinned and shook my hand, "Definitely." Sakura quickly laid her hand on top of ours, "I'm in." I grinned, "Then let's get started. Sasuke, you've got killer aim right?" Sasuke nodded, "Yes." I grinned, "Then let's get you a long range weapon beyond equal!" I quickly pulled out my kunai pouch and looked around, "Actually, let's go somewhere a little more private. Don't need anyone watching and finding out what we're up to in advance."

==Later That Afternoon==

I was stopped on my way out of the Uchiha District where Sasuke and Sakura had helped me set up a lab of sorts for the development of our new arsenal. The person doing the stopping was shockingly hot. I don't mean cute, I don't mean beautiful. I mean HOT. She wasn't a classical beauty, she wasn't an adorable cutie. Tan trench coat, flesh colored armor mesh shirt and a short skirt with armored boots and a killer smile to match the body, Anko Mitarashi was HOT.

I was stopped by being tangled in a mess of snakes. It took everything I had to not freak out. Poison is the number one way I _don't_ want to die, and as snakes are poisonous, snakes are near the top of my "avoid" list, right under spiders and scorpions, which honestly scare me shitless. Anko walked up and purred in my ear, "Well, you're easier to sneak up on than I expected. That face you're making is priceless you know."

"Don't. Like. Poison." I ground out. Anko frowned slightly in confusion, "Constrictors aren't poisonous." "All snakes have the capacity and summon creatures have a tendency to say screw the rules anyway," I replied tensely, "And do you really expect me to believe that a kunoichi doesn't have poison up her sleeves?" Anko grinned, "Fair enough, but as far as I know these are harmless until I give the order to squeeze." "Well thank you for not, but I have to know why you've got me tangled in snakes," I asked.

Anko smiled, "You didn't really think we'd let you go free and unimpeded after masterminding the theft of the Forbidden Scroll did you? I was in charge of Mizuki's interrogation, he'd never even considered approaching you or Hinata, and we know Naruto's not smart enough to have cooked all that up. Hinata doesn't have the motivation to do it, and that leaves us with you. The shinobi you caught last night that was working for Danzo told us that you were the leader of the three of you, and all evidence points to you being the mastermind. Don't forget, we know who your dad is, we _know_ what kind of potential you've got." I smiled, "Clearly you don't or you would've sent an army if capturing me was your intention."

Anko smirked as she laid her forehead against mine, "And lose the army? We're not stupid kid, we've already dissected your personality and we know what the jutsu you used did. That's why they sent me." Then she kissed me and I had to thoughts immediately: _Human mouth doesn't taste like that! POISON!_ And _Oh crap I'm dead and in Heaven already!_

==An Unknown Amount of Time Later==

"He's coming out of it!" I heard someone say. I was acutely aware of being completely immobilized and unable to feel much of anything. "Keep those needles in!" I heard someone bark. "Disintegration rate has increased with consciousness!" "Tenzo! Are those restraints holding?!" "He hasn't flared his chakra yet, they haven't begun to decompose, but I don't know how long I can hold them against him if he decides to break them." "Can he hear us?" someone asked. _Anko_ , I thought numbly, my head felt like it was filled with syrup.

Then I cracked my eyes open and that really hurt so I scrunched them back closed. I felt two impressions on either side of my head and Anko started talking, "Shikamaru, if you can hear me, _don't move!_ We're in the middle of a surgery, if you move or start struggling, you. will. die! Just trust me, it's all going to be okay alright? We're going to get you through this. Just stay calm and stay with me okay? We've got the very best med-nin working on you, I promise you'll be okay! Just please don't move!"

Once she mentioned it I was able to vaguely feel something poking around in my insides and brushing against my back. It felt decidedly weird. It didn't hurt, but it didn't feel good either, and it meant that they were definitely doing something that I needed to be really REALLY still for, so I decided to focus on Anko's voice as she kept up a constant stream of assurances. She really had a surprisingly reassuring voice when she wanted to. It took her a second to ease the note of panic from her voice, but after that her voice took on an almost hypnotic note. I knew it wasn't genjutsu because that doesn't work on me, and I later learned she had turned her breath into a sedative gas with a jutsu to keep me calm. Before I knew it, I had drifted back off to sleep.

==Later==

I woke up on a couch, wide awake and immediately alert as I realized I had no idea where I was. Then someone stroked my forehead, "Oh, you're awake? My, that _was_ fast. You're going to be such a handful aren't you Shikamaru-kun?" I blinked as I realized I was using someone's lap for a pillow, then I realized who it was, "Anko-sensei?"

Anko had a smile in her voice, "That's right. How are you feeling?" I thought about it for a second, "Stiff, nervous, tense and really wanting to know exactly what kind of surgery you felt the need to abduct me for." "Oh nothing big," Anko told me reassuringly, "We just needed to plant a radio controlled explosive next to your heart to make sure you don't betray Konoha. Don't worry, I'm not going to blow you up unless you really deserve it. The trigger is sealed and only Lord Hokage, Kakashi and I can access it."

"I see, you're my handler," I said quietly as my mind raced, "You and Kakashi. Is he here too?" "Right here," Kakashi said from somewhere off to my left, "Do you understand why we had to do this?" "I'm a threat," I replied, "It makes sense. How can you trust the kid who stole the Forbidden Scroll and the power of the First Hokage on the same night as tossing the entire village into an uproar by exposing one of its most powerful political figures as a treacherous genocidal madman? By sticking a deadly explosive into him. I fully understand."

"You're taking this really well," Anko said with a note of concern in her voice. I smiled, "What do I have to fear? I'm not going to betray Konoha. Why would I? I won't pretend this lack of trust doesn't hurt because it's completely unfounded, but I understand it. It also makes sense for you to be my handler Anko-sensei, I'm a sucker for beautiful women, there are hardly any who meet that description better than you."

Anko snorted, "You don't have to butter me up kid, I'm not going to blow you up for pissing me off. I know I'm not…" She stopped herself and I frowned and reached my arms up to wrap around her waist in a convoluted hug, "Yes you are Anko-sensei. You're one of the most wildly attractive women I've ever met. Anyone who disagrees clearly has no taste in women."

Anko didn't reply and after a moment of silence, Lord Hokage spoke from somewhere down past the end of the couch, "Since you seem to understand my line of thought, can you guess what the next decision was?" "You probably want me to go into ANBU part time since that would get my abilities into the field much faster than D-Ranks as an ordinary genin and because ANBU agents can be any rank when outside of ANBU, that way you can keep Squad 7 together even with me running as an ANBU part time," I replied, "I'll probably be paired with Anko-sensei as my partner since she's my handler, maybe that Tenzo guy I heard during the surgery that was supposed to be able to restrain me as a third member of the team, and Kakashi as an occasional fourth. I'll split my time between ANBU and Squad 7, which is why Kakashi is one of the ones with access to my kill-switch. Am I close?"

"Very," Hiruzen replied, "Even down to the roster for the team you will be joining, although you did miss one member, the other occasional fourth." I raised my head and looked at him, "Who's…is that Jiraiya of the Sannin?" Jiraiya grinned, "Well, I'm glad to see you know who I am!"

I blasted off the couch and kicked Jiraiya upside the head hard enough to knock him out of his chair before standing over him with an angry fist raised, "YOU'RE THE MORON WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND NARUTO'S GODFATHER! I RESPECT THE HELL OUT OF YOUR ABILITIES AND WORK BUT WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?! NARUTO'S BEEN COMPLETELY MISERABLE FOR YEARS AND YOU'VE BEEN NOWHERE TO BE FOUND!" Everyone in the room gaped at me.

"How do you know about that?" Jiraiya asked quietly. "After figuring out who his dad was it wasn't hard to figure out," I told him bluntly, "He was named after a character in _your_ book after all. That's a pretty significant little heads up, and you just confirmed it, which makes my question all the more pertinent. Why have you been neglecting your duties and left my friend to grow up miserable and lonely?"

Jiraiya hung his head, "I wish I had a good answer. I've been maintaining my spy network across the world and trying to hunt down Orochimaru and nip blooming threats in the bud and thought he'd be safer without me in his life to draw mine and his father's enemies down on his head, but those do feel a bit hollow now that you put it like that." He sighed, "I can't change the past, but now that I'm back in Konoha for a while, I'm going to try to approach him and maybe start being the godfather I should've been this whole time. I won't ask you to forgive me for my failings, I haven't even forgiven myself, but will you accept me as a teammate and mentor?"

I sighed and then smiled and extended a hand, "Yeah. Just make up for lost time with Naruto and we'll call it square." Jiraiya blinked and then accepted the hand with a smile, "You know kid, you're alright."

==The Next Day==

"Now then," Kakashi said with a smile after Sakura had exploded at him for being late, "This clock is set for noon. All you have to do is get these two bells from me. You can use whatever you like, including ninja tools. You will have to come at me with intent to kill if you're going to get the bells." I nodded, "Right. Target acquired. Strike path…" I cast my gaze about and then smirked, "calculated, permission to terminate?"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, "That's a good attempt to psyche me out, but it won't work. Now when I say go, you may begin. Ready?" I took control of the shadows in my sleeves with my chakra, "Whenever you are." Kakashi smiled, "Go." I Body Flickered forward and slammed my fist through his chest, my Yin-Yang Release infused shadows making my fist into an unstoppable cannon ball, "Shrapnel Strike!" I took control of the shadows within Kakashi's body and blew him apart. There really wasn't much left.

I picked up the bells and tossed them to Sakura and Sasuke. Sasuke fumbled and almost dropped them, and Sakura didn't even try to catch them in her shock. I smiled and looked around, "Ok Kakashi-Sensei, you can come out now!" I waited for a moment and then frowned, "He can _not_ have been that slow." I spread my shadow and searched the entire area and got a bit of a sinking feeling as I realized that yes, he _had_ been too slow on his Substitution, hadn't bothered to send a Shadow Clone to deliver the test parameters, and really was lying in a pile of gore at my feet.

 _I just killed Kakashi…_ that was a sobering thought. Kakashi was one of my favorite characters. "That…is not good." I exhaled and scratched my head, "Didn't realize I'd need this so soon." I pulled a sheet of paper from my pocket and checked it over, "Ok…let's see…" I pulled out two more and then nodded, "Okay good, five copies. That means I have five shots to get this right." I laid down the three and puffed out a Shadow Clone, which immediately whipped out a kunai and stabbed itself in a way that should've dispersed it if it were a Shadow Clone. My clone and I grinned in unison, "It worked." "Do it," my clone told me with a maniacal grin.

My grin mirrored his, " _Done._ " I grabbed Kakashi's head and set it in the center of the seal then I flashed through the signs, "Summoning Jutsu! _Edo TENSEI!"_ I clapped my hands and the seal dissolved, rapidly encasing my clone in ash. Judging from the face my clone was making, it was excruciatingly painful. When it was done though, Kakashi fell to his knees gasping and clutching his chest. I walked over with a kunai and casually slashed his shoulder, grinning when I drew blood. _IT WORKED!_ I thought triumphantly, _My theory on the Creation of All Things will work!_

My grin as Kakashi flinched away in surprise was Naruto-sized, "So Sensei, how's death feel? I'd imagine it sucks." Kakashi stared at me, "You…I…what just happened?!" I smiled, "You told me to kill you, something I warned you against yesterday. I did so thinking you'd have sent a Shadow Clone or use a Substitution to escape my strike. I guess either I overestimated you or you underestimated me. Either way you died just now, and I used the Second Hokage's Edo Tensei jutsu to revive you. Thanks to the First Hokage's kinjutsu coupled with the Second's, you were truly revived and not brought back as an indestructible Edo-Tensei. Anyway," I continued with a grin, "We got the bells. Well, Sakura hasn't picked hers up yet, but she has it. Now I understand if you're reluctant to teach me, I did just kill you after all, but I really must insist you not hold it against them."

Kakashi was staring at me, fully unaware that I had Obito's Sharingan in my hand, "You…brought me back from the dead…" I nodded, "Yes. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a bit of graverobbing to do. I need to have a little chat with an old friend of yours," I added with a grin. Then I disappeared in a Body Flicker laughing like a lunatic. I didn't go far, just into the woods and then I landed. The truth was, I had already been and quietly exhumed Rin's corpse the night before. I was just waiting for someone less important to be able to test my theory on. I _had_ been planning on testing it with Zabuza, but now that Kakashi had gone and gotten himself killed so early in the game, I could use this a lot sooner.

I unsealed the body and popped out another living clone before flashing through the signs as the clone laid the corpse on the seal, "EDO TENSEI!" Another few very-painful-for-my-clone moments later and a very pretty girl with mousy brown hair, pretty gray eyes, and purple squares on her cheeks was standing before me. I frowned at her as she fell to her knees, gasping in shock as she breathed her first breaths in over ten years, "Well, this isn't going to do at all now is it? It's been well over a decade since your death, so Kakashi and Obito have both grown much older haven't they? You on the other hand haven't aged a day…" I smiled and laid a hand charged with benevolent Yin-Yang Release on her shoulder as I made a hand sign behind my back, "Let's fix that. _TRANSFORM!"_

Rin looked slightly queasy after I aged her ten years in an instant. I lifted my hand with a bright smile, "Well, now that _that's_ done, let's go reintroduce you to Kakashi eh? I'm sure you've got a lot to talk about." Rin suddenly realized who I was and scrabbled back away from me, "You're the one that killed Kakashi!" I frowned, "I brought him right back, and I even brought _you_ back as an apology!" I looked at the Sharingan in my hand, "Was gonna bring Obito back too, but I guess he's not in the Pure Land." I looked up at her, "Which I'm guessing means he's still alive. Any ideas about that?"

Rin immediately got very pale and I frowned with a raised eyebrow, "He was the unknown Uchiha who unleashed the Nine Tails wasn't he?" Rin's eyes widened and she shook her head fervently as she said in a small voice, "No!" I blinked, "I don't believe you." Rin flinched, "Um…" I smiled and rose, "Anyway, let's go stick this Sharingan back in Kakashi's head. I'm sure he's wondering where it is." I handed it to her, "You go on ahead Rin, I've got some thinking to do." Rin accepted it before catching my hand, "Kid, I don't know who you are, you honestly scare me a bit, but please, don't tell anyone about Obito! He's, he's not well." I pulled her into a hug, "I know Rin, I know. Don't worry, I'll let you tell Kakashi and the others. Now go on, Kakashi's probably freaking out, and that's a rare show. You don't want to miss it," I declared with a grin.

==Fifteen Minutes Later==

I strolled back out of the woods and found the Hokage, a dozen or so ANBU, a still shell shocked Sasuke and Sakura and a somewhat embarrassed Rin holding a sobbing Kakashi. I smiled lopsidedly, "Well, that was fast. I suppose you agree that what happened here today needs to be a maximum security secret?" "I'm still not quite sure what you did," Hiruzen replied, "What _did_ you do?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Exactly what it looks like. By combining the First Hokage's jutsu with the Second's, I was able to revive the long dead Rin Nohara and age her body to adulthood to help conceal her identity, as well as reviving my freshly dead Jonin-Sensei, no modification required. Before you even ask, this was a mistake and I'm not bringing anyone else back." "Why not?" Hiruzen asked.

"For the same reason the Edo-Tensei was forbidden in the first place," I replied, "Not only is it an insanely dangerous ability, if word got out that it can be done, the entire world would unite and descend upon us for the key to ending death. Imagine being able to see all your lost loved ones alive and well again Lord Hokage, and tell me with a straight face that you wouldn't burn a city, a nation, _half the world_ to the ground to see them again," I said coldly.

Hiruzen's microscopic flinch was all the answer I needed, "And if you would do that, how many millions upon millions of other people do you think would? Even reviving Rin was a huge gamble, if not for the fact that I owed Kakashi one hell of an apology for accidentally killing him and Rin died a shinobi of little if any note that nobody would notice resurfacing, I wouldn't have revived her. I only revived Kakashi because nobody outside of those present knew I had blown him into a splatter on the ground," I declared. I snorted, "Just think how much trouble even this has caused! Now someone who has lost his entire family has learned that not only is there a way, the guy who can do it is standing right in front of him! He's probably plotting what to blackmail me with for his family's lives right now completely heedless of the fact that his parents were way too well known to revive quietly! This is the kinjutsu to trump _all_ kinjutsu in how taboo it is."

Hiruzen nodded and Sasuke stormed forward before grabbing me by the lapels, "YOU MEAN YOU WON'T DO IT?!" He punched me and I calmly let him, "YOU KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH AND YOU STILL WON'T LET ME SEE THEM AGAIN?! I'LL DO ANYTHING! NAME YOUR PRICE! I JUST WANT MY FAMILY BACK!" I looked him right in the eye, "No." Then I broke his grip and had him on the ground in the time it takes to think it.

"Now let me tell you _why_ I won't do it," I said calmly as I sat on top of him and bound him to the ground with my shadow, "Your parents are dead, this is true. Ask yourself though, what would you do if I did bring them back? The minute I do, everyone will know. Your parents were the heads of one of the most infamous clans in the shinobi world. Their return would tell the whole world we either undid death or we've been hiding the entire Uchiha clan this whole time. They would think we had been breeding and training your clansmen into a massive army right under everyone's noses to prepare for a war. On who, nobody would know, but everyone would fear and unite to crush us. Could we beat them? Maybe. Would we sew infinitely more deaths than we'd have averted? Definitely."

I scowled, "Would your parents want you to lay this entire world to waste just to see them again? Do you think they could condone the slaughter of millions of innocent men women and children in the war that would erupt after their revival? As furious as you were at what Itachi did to your clan, imagine spreading that kind of hate and pain a million times over into the hearts of every child whose family would die in the war started over a True Resurrection Jutsu! Can you really condemn an entire nation's worth of children to the kind of pain you've suffered these last few years? Can you damn those I bring back and all shinobi of the Leaf to the eternal hatred of the entire world and all their descendants for having this power? If I ever use this power on anybody of even the slightest note, if ever even a whisper of this jutsu gets out, the entire world will be plunged into a war that will make the previous world wars look like civilian kids having water balloon fights!" I was shouting by then and Sasuke, no, the whole clearing was deathly still.

I took a deep breath and continued quietly, "Even if I could put an end to death in the way everyone would want, then what? The world can only handle so many people at once you know, and every person I revived would have more people they'd want revived, and more and more until I'd emptied the kingdom of death back into the land of the living, with all their grudges and rivalries in tow as they realized that the world hasn't got enough space, not enough food, I doubt there's even enough _air_ for that many people. It wouldn't just be the greatest war of all time, it would be _every_ war of all time, all brought back and going on simultaneously as all the wounds and pain that had healed over the course of history were brought screaming back to the present. The key to ending death opens the door to unimaginable slaughter! This is the worst jutsu I could ever have pulled off, the line that should never have been crossed, and damn it, we are going to keep this quiet and I am not crossing it again! Nobody can ever know this happened. It didn't happen Sasuke! Tell yourself that a million times and then a million times more until you believe it! For the sake of the whole world this can NOT have happened!"

Everyone was quiet for a few moments and then Hiruzen spoke, "you are right of course Shikamaru. This is why research into undoing the laws of life and death are forbidden. By all rights, I should have you executed here and now." I shot him a glare that dared him to try and he continued, "however, I feel that would be pointless. You seem to fully understand the gravity of your mistake, and the sincerity in your words leads me to trust that it is not one you will repeat." I nodded, "Definitely."

Hiruzen sighed, "However, it is no longer possible to ignore that your abilities are far beyond that of any genin. This being the case, I would like to extend an offer to you to join the ANBU Black Ops. As you no doubt know, there is no rank prerequisite, and being the Hokage, I can have you inducted into the ANBU as you are now. It will be a hard road, but one that I think will be better served by your skills than your current position on a genin team."

I frowned and mulled it over, "May I request a compromise Lord Hokage? I know of only a handful who have been inducted into ANBU at such a young age, and they're all at least a little bit messed up. For the sake of my sanity, I'd like to continue training with my genin team, but if you feel I'd do more good in ANBU, then by all means, let me train with the ANBU for a while and send me on something other than D-Ranks." Hiruzen blinked and then grimaced, "Please tell me you didn't do all this just to get out of doing D-Ranks."

I smirked, "Now whatever would make you say that Lord Hokage? This was all a complete accident! It's not like I could've _planned_ this right? Even I'm not _that_ smart. Or am I?" I laughed at the looks of consternation and sweat-dropping all around.

==OMAKE==

"JIRAIYA GET BACK HERE!" Tsunade howled as she barreled along after Jiraiya with half the kunoichi of Konoha following her as they chased the Toad Sage through Konoha. Said Toad Sage was running for his life clutching the Third Hokage's crystal ball like a football as the men of Konoha parted before him like the sea before a ship's prow. I cackled as I watched them go, clearly none of them had realized the immense standing they would gain with the ladies if they helped catch Jiraiya. That or they had no desire to fight him since clearly the only people he wouldn't fight tooth and nail for that little orb were ladies.

I chuckled and then Body Flickered down next to Tsunade and easily ran alongside her, "So Lady Hokage, what would you pay to get that crystal ball away from him?" "Name your price brat!" Tsunade yelled. I grinned, "Oh just a little dignity." I Body Flickered and caught up to Jiraiya, running a little ahead of him before I jumped and twisted, "SEXY JUTSU!" I turned into a stark nude Tsunade wearing nothing but the Hokage hat, and as Jiraiya stumbled and then collapsed with blood pouring from his nose I turned back into myself and ran away howling with laughter as the entire street froze in shock and awe at my audacity.

The following shriek of outrage from Tsunade almost a full minute later shook the whole village, then I looked over my shoulder and saw her charging after me and right past Jiraiya's completely forgotten unconscious form. _Jiraiya, you owe me big!_ I thought with a grin as I redoubled my speed. I laughed as I saw Jiraiya give me a weak thumbs up and kept running.


	7. Chapter 7: Team Assignment Hime

Chapter 7 – Team Assignment Hime

==The Day After The Forbidden Scroll Heist==

 _Ugh…So sleepy…Did I sleep at all last night?_ Naruto wondered as he was frog marched in by Shikamaru's Shadow Possession jutsu. Shikamaru sighed as he mimed opening the door to make Naruto open it, "Here we are. Pick a seat Naruto, and try not to doze off. Yes we had a busy night last night, but we've got a lot to do today."

Naruto almost fell over as soon as Shikamaru released his jutsu, prompting Shikamaru to sigh, "Okay sleepy head," he cracked his knuckles and Naruto knew he was in trouble, "Let's get that blood _pumpin'_!" He promptly walked over to Hinata, who was laid back in her chair trying to sleep and kissed her. Hinata came wide awake instantly and Shikamaru had to leap back to avoid the fist that blasted through the space where his head had been.

Hinata immediately leapt onto the desk and spun, torqueing a kick out at Shikamaru's head before jumping off and spinning another one at him. Shikamaru evaded both deftly and then proceeded to go toe to toe and hand to hand with Hinata, Jyuken vs Kageryuken for almost a full two minutes of blazingly fast strikes and evasion. The fight was ended when Shikamaru caught Hinata's hand and spun her to face away from him before yanking her back to his chest and pinning her arms with his own.

"Morning beautiful," he purred over her shoulder as he kissed her on the cheek. "Jackass," she replied with a small smirk. "You know it Frosty," he smiled back. "Frosty?" she asked with a dangerous light in her eye. He smirked, "Would you prefer something else my lovely little tsundere?" "I AM NOT A TSUNDERE!" she barked. Shikamaru grinned and then dipped her as though they were dancing, "Of course not, my mistake." He kissed her again before quickly pulling her back to her feet and spinning her, once again as though they were dancing and sliding back out of her range before the kick she swung at him could nail him in the ribs. He landed bowed at the waist with her hand still in his and that huge grin still splitting his features.

Naruto had to wonder at Shikamaru's nerves to keep hold of Hinata's hand with her radiating Killing Intent. "You know what they say about pulling the tiger's tail right?" Hinata asked with a dangerous glint in her eye as she regarded Shikamaru. "I hear it's one hell of a ride," Shikamaru replied, "Dance with me a little more my Tigress?" Hinata smirked, "Let's."

The following exchange of blows was so intense that by the time Iruka came in and broke it up, Naruto, who had been trapped in Shikamaru's Shadow Possession the whole time and forced to mimic his moves perfectly, was on the verge of collapsing, while Shikamaru and Hinata were both barely breathing hard. What little energy Naruto had left to pay attention noticed that they were both smiling. Then Shikamaru released his jutsu and Naruto fell flat on his face.

Hinata returned to her seat with a grin as Shikamaru helped Naruto up to his seat and dumped him into it before sitting in the next row up next to Choji. Kiba looked over at them, "Okay, who are you and what have you done with Shikamaru?" Shikamaru laughed and propped his feet on the desk, "What can I say? I'm feeling troublesome!"

Naruto slumped forward onto the table, _Man, who would've guessed Shikamaru and Hinata were the class maniacs?_

Iruka strode to the front of the classroom and cleared his throat, "As of today, you are all shinobi. However, you are only genin, from here it only gets harder. I wish you all the best of luck. You will be placed into teams of three under an elite Jonin." Naruto perked up slightly, _I wonder if I can get on the same team as Sakura-chan?_

Iruka gestured with a piece of paper, "We wanted each squad to have a balance of strengths and abilities, so that's how we…" Shikamaru and Hinata sneezed simultaneously in a way that sounded suspiciously like "bullshit!" and Iruka blinked before continuing, "That's how we grouped them. I will now announce the squads." He proceeded to announce the squads, Naruto paying the closest of attention as Iruka went through half a dozen squads' worth of the class's more lackluster students and then… "Squad Seven, Shikamaru Nara, Sakura Haruno, and Sasuke Uchiha!"

Naruto twitched, _Shikamaru you lucky jerk..._ then he remembered that Shikamaru was dating Hinata now and Shikamaru would be on the same team as Sasuke, _on second thought, poor guy…_

Iruka continued, "Squad Eight, Ino Yamanaka, Kiba Inuzuka and Choji Akimichi!" Kiba and Ino swapped an interested glance and Choji actually paused munching chips for a moment to blink in confusion as the assignments of Squads Seven and Eight registered with him, _Why is Kiba on mine and Ino's squad instead of Shikamaru? I thought we were almost guaranteed to be on the same squad…_

Iruka looked at the list, "Squad Nine is still in rotation, so Squad Ten, Hinata Hyuga, Naruto Uzumaki and Shino Aburame!" Naruto blinked and then flinched, _Aw CRAP! I got Shikamaru's crazy girlfriend! At least Shino's always been cool…I think…_ Hinata blinked and her eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion, _That's not the way it was in canon…_ her frown deepened, _Wait a minute…_ She activated her Byakugan and looked at Shikamaru, _You had something to do with this didn't you?_ She blinked in surprise as Shikamaru winked at her, _How did he know I had my Byakugan on?_

"After lunch, you'll meet your Jonin Instructors," Iruka declared, "Until then, class dismissed." Sasuke disappeared in an instant as the class filed out, Sakura was getting up to go after him until she suddenly froze. Naruto blinked in confusion and then noticed Shikamaru's smirk, "Hey Shikamaru, why have you got Sakura-chan in your jutsu?" Shikamaru smiled as Sakura squawked in indignation, "I'm sorry Naruto, did you not want a double date? Me with Hinata, you with Sakura, and Shino as our ever-talkative fifth wheel?"

Shino turned and looked at him as Hinata froze. Naruto thought about it then grinned, "Yeah, I'd totally dig that dattebayo!" Shikamaru grinned, "Well good. Where shall we eat since we have only half an hour?" "Ichiraku Ramen's always good!" Naruto declared quickly. "No," Hinata declared firmly, "We had ramen yesterday and even if you are hopelessly addicted to it you need more in your diet than just ramen." Naruto blinked in confusion, "What's wrong with ramen?"

Hinata sighed, "There is nothing wrong with ramen, but your body needs more than _just_ ramen. Noodles can only provide so much nourishment, you need meat, vegetables, fruit, things like that! How are you ever going to get any taller if you never eat anything but ramen?" Naruto blinked and then realized he had just been kinda-sorta declared short, "Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!"

Hinata gave him a dry look, "We're _tiny_ Naruto. I'm tiny, you're tiny, and if we ever want to get bigger then we have to eat properly so that our bodies can grow. I don't know about you, but I really don't want people to look down their noses at me, figuratively _or_ literally. Just because the Tsuchikage is an absolute shrimp doesn't mean the next Hokage should be! You don't want people to think you're imitating one of Konoha's longest standing enemies do you?"

Naruto blinked and then angrily declared, "I'm not imitating anybody!" Hinata smiled, "Good, then you're coming to eat something healthy with us right?" Naruto started to protest and then found himself being pulled into Sakura, by Sakura. "Please Naruto?" Sakura asked cutely as Naruto turned as crimson as the top his face was buried in, "It would mean so much to me, and maybe if you were taller I could go out with you." She let him go and Naruto straightened up blushing and trying hard not to get a nosebleed, "Um, s-sure Sakura-chan, whatever you want!"

Then he realized Sakura looked like she was about to die of embarrassment and Shikamaru was behind her looking like he was about to explode with pent up laughter as his transformation jutsu dispersed. "Wh-what the…?!"

Shikamaru couldn't hold it anymore and howled with laughter. He laughed so hard he actually released the Shadow Possession Jutsu and had to hang onto the table to keep from falling down. Hinata sighed with a slight smile, "Shikamaru-kun, have I called you an asshole recently?" "Not in the last fifteen minutes!" Shikamaru cackled as he pulled out a chair and collapsed into it laughing. By the time he had finished, the others had left without him.

He looked around and sighed, "Well… _I_ thought it was funny." "It was pretty good," Sasuke agreed from just outside the window, "You laughed a little too much at the end though." Shikamaru smirked, "Granted. Care to come in or are you just going to lurk outside?" Sasuke climbed halfway through and sat on the window sill, "neither." Shikamaru grinned, "Good answer."

==A Few Minutes Later==

Hinata slid into a booth at a nearby sandwich shop next to Shino, leaving Sakura to sit next to Naruto. A waitress quickly took their orders after they scanned the short menu and then the four of them sat there, none quite sure what to say.

Naruto was finding himself utterly lost now that he actually _had_ Sakura on a "date". He'd envisioned asking her out so many times, but never really gotten past that beyond maybe a kiss in his imaginings. Sakura for her part was trying not to make eye contact and blushing the color of her hair every time she thought about what Shikamaru had pulled earlier. Shino found he really didn't know of anything he honestly felt a strong enough urge to say, and Hinata found herself wondering who would break the silence first.

The drinks were delivered and it turned out to be Sakura who after a particularly embarrassed glance at Naruto asked across the table, "So Hinata, what did you see in Naruto and Shikamaru that made you have a crush on Naruto and then choose Shikamaru even though we've got Sasuke around?" Naruto twitched as he realized he was still sounding like second best to Sakura and Shino's high collar concealed a similar twitch before both realized it was actually a very good question. "Yeah why did you choose me? I mean, I'm flattered and all, but I never knew or I might've picked you back," Naruto declared. "I would also like to know your reasoning," Shino added, "Why you ask? Because Naruto is our teammate and I wish to know what strengths you see in him so that I may see them as well."

==Hinata==

Shocked that Sakura would bring up such an intimate topic in front of Naruto _and_ a crowd, I couldn't help but throw a catty smile to hide the raging death glare twitching to get out. My hands clenched under the booth, my muscles so tense they were starting to ache, "Well, though I've respected Naruto for a long time, I recently realized that my unhealthy dependence on Naruto was stunting my own personal growth and willingness to push myself forward. Also, though Naruto _is_ loyal and great with people, his non-understanding of politics and unwillingness to work with Konoha's upper class and learn manners means he's going to need someone who knows that sort of thing when he becomes Hokage, and that's where Shikamaru comes in."

"Shikamaru happens to be an exceptional tactician, funny, surprisingly loyal, an imaginative thinker, and an excellent listener. He's knowledgeable about a lot of topics outside of the ninja world, good with politics, knows most of the noble families and he is an effective manipulator. He could easily be Hokage _if_ he wanted," and I finished with a flirty, utterly girlish smile straight at Sakura's stunned face, "Now what about _you_ Sakura, why do _you_ like Sasuke?"

Sakura blushed, "Well, I, um…he's really handsome, and he just seems so mature, and he's number one in the class, or, well, honestly after the last few days I'm not sure he's stronger than you and Shikamaru, but he's still a genius and really strong! I mean what's _not_ to like about him?"

 _Game on bitch._

The thought must have been evident on my face as it crossed my mind because Sakura's smile faltered, and then changed subtly to a plastic mask of false politeness.

"Sasuke is an emotionally stunted man-child, with _no_ ability to ask for help," I declared bluntly, "He's self destructive, utterly unable to be emotionally honest with himself or anyone else, and if he doesn't end up getting anyone else he's on a mission with killed due to his tunnel vision it'll be a miracle of epic proportions." Shino had raised an eyebrow and Naruto was staring. Shino might've been too, but it was hard to tell with the sunglasses.

"Sakura," I said, the word coming out as soft and honest as I could possibly make a word _sound_ honest, "Your obsession with Sasuke is ridiculous. He puts every moment of time he has into training while you have allowed your one-sided relationship to block your own progress. Instead of constantly trying to get his attention through such frankly stalker-like behavior, maybe you should let him breathe a bit, especially considering the constant hounding he gets is the opposite of respecting his polite attempts at dismissing his creepy fangirls by ignoring them."

Sakura looked at me with such outright shock that I briefly considered that I might have gone too far. Well even if I did, she had to hear the truth. The conversation died right down after that and before long we were filing back into the classroom to wait for our Jonin Instructor.

==The Next Morning==

Well the sun came up, unfortunately. I drug myself out of bed and got dressed, grabbing a muffin and a bottle of water on my way past the kitchen as I headed for Training Ground Ten. Asuma hadn't made the most stellar impression the previous afternoon. He came across as more than a little bit lazy and really not caring one way or the other about us. There had been a brief round of introductions so lackluster and bland that I'm not even going to waste your time recounting it, and then Asuma had told us to meet him at Training Ground Ten for our _real_ test at eight in the morning. Naruto had protested, Asuma had shot his protests down. So now I was hurrying towards the training grounds to try and _find_ Training Ground Ten because nobody had realized he hadn't actually told us where it was until after he'd disappeared to who knew where in a Body Flicker.

I got directions from a passing ANBU and soon found myself in a rocky little area near the base of Hokage mountain with a little sign shaped like a leaf at the entrance denoting it as Training Ground Ten. There weren't many trees, and what few were there were tough little scrub trees. _Must be a training ground for Earth users…too bad neither of my elements is earth…at least there's no shortage of places to sit…_ I found a nice flat rock and sat down to try and meditate.

Luckily the first person of our merry band who showed up after me was Shino about ten minutes after me, dressed in his characteristic full-body clothing despite how warm it had been the last few days. I looked at him, "Why do you wear all that? If it's to keep people from freaking out over the hive-body thing, I can see it anyway with my Byakugan you know. It doesn't bother me."

There was a small stretch of silence and a slight head tilt towards me, something which spoke several times more than any words could say, and a moment later Shino's right hand went to his glasses. I watched with a small curious smile as Shino shed his glasses for the first time I/Hinata could remember. Shino's eyes were a surprising shade of grey-blue.

That thought had just made its way to my brain when the third of our motley crew arrived in an explosion of dirt and leaves and unbridled sunny disposition. _WAY too much happy for early morning_ , I thought as I scrunched up my face as though in response to a bright light. Luckily my coffee had just started working and my brain was moderately functional, so I was able to bite my tongue and not yell at him to calm down as he set into jabbering a thousand words a minute.

Naruto's chatter blurred around like the sounds of a crowded city, really how could one person make enough noise for a hundred so easily? Shino calmly listened, making comments whenever Naruto paused for breath, and after what seemed like an eternity of babbling, Naruto ran out of things to say. There was quiet for a moment and then Shino said, "Your chakra, there' s something off about it, something my bugs don't like", Shino commented emotionlessly.

Naruto and I shared a look and I noticed that Naruto was confused. Then I remembered what had happened the night of the Forbidden Scroll Heist, or rather what hadn't: No Mizuki shooting his mouth off revealing Naruto's Jinchuriki status, and without it being revealed already, the Third Hokage's gag order was still in effect! There was nothing I could say to alleviate Shino's curiosity, so…

"Well that's odd," I replied, "I don't _see_ anything wrong when I look with my Byakugan." Shino _hmm_ ed and I got a feeling that this was not the end of his curiosity on the subject.

A few minutes later, the scent of cigarette smoke alerted me that our oh-so-amazing mentor had arrived. I turned and looked, immediately spotting the grinning figure of Asuma Sarutobi sitting cross legged atop one of the tallest rocks in the small clearing.

"Well kiddies, we're going to have some fun today," he declared as he clamped his cigarette between his teeth, eyes sparkling with weary amusement.

"The test is fun?" I asked in confusion before I could stop myself. Asuma turned towards me, with a mischievous glint in his eye as he grinned, "For me."

I got a sinking feeling in my gut as Naruto looked at Asuma warily, some innate prankster sense of his warning him that he had met one of his own, "Why do I get the feeling, that it's not fun for us?" Asuma grinned at him, "Trust your gut kid, it's usually right."

"The test, is it individual or team based?" Shino asked. Asuma cut his gaze over to Shino, "You're a team aren't you?" Shino nodded and was then silent, his curiosity sated.

Asuma pulled a scroll from his flak jacket, "It's a fairly simple test. All you gotta do is take this scroll, keep it away from me, and go to training ground 3 in the middle of the cherry tree grove. You have to make it into the grove with the scroll before noon or you fail. Also, I'll be chasing you trying to get the scroll away from you, and if I get the scroll, you have to take me down and get the scroll back or you fail. If you fail, you get sent back to the Academy. You get a three minute head start, and that starts now."

He casually tossed the scroll to me, and I immediately turned, grabbed Naruto and ran, Shino hot on our heels after throwing up a smoke screen of bugs to cover our movement.

==Naruto==

I didn't realize Hinata was that fast. I mean, nobody graduates the Academy without being able to run like crazy, but I had never really thought of Hinata as somebody who could really just _run_ , you know? So anyway, she grabbed me and took off running. Shino was there too, he threw this cloud of bugs out of his sleeves to stop Asuma-sensei. I didn't know about Shino's bugs then, so I didn't really see how they were going to stop Asuma-sensei, but I was like, "hey, whatever you got right?"

So anyway, about the time we hit the entrance to the Training Ground, Hinata slowed down and looked over her shoulder at me, "Naruto, use your Shadow Clone jutsu and set up traps behind us so that Asuma-sensei can't follow us!" I wasn't sure quite what she wanted me to do so I was like, "Uh, like what kind of traps Hinata?"

Hinata sighed like a teacher whose question I had just answered wrong and muttered something under her breath, and then Shino popped up next to me and told me, "The kind that go boom. Like your pranks, except more destructive and likely to slow Asuma-sensei down." I'm super glad he said it like that, because that was the first time I'd ever thought of traps as pranks. If I'd thought about it like that sooner, I might've actually passed that class!

I grinned and made my hand-sign, "Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu!" A moment later there was an army of me. Shino nodded and suddenly he and Hinata transformed into me. I didn't get it right away, but then Hinata said I could send a few of my clones to act as decoys as well and with all of us looking like me and my clones, Asuma-sensei wouldn't know which group was the real us. So I sent a few of my clones off in groups of three and set the rest to turning the entire area behind us into a… um, hang on a second.

Ok, Shino says the word I'm looking for is minefield. Where was I? Oh yeah! So anyway, we were running like crazy, with my clones making sure Asuma-sensei couldn't follow us and trying to throw him off our trail. It didn't seem like that far, but I guess that's because of how fast we were going. We were actually running for like half an hour!

Then we finally got there, and Asuma-sensei was already there! He was waiting for us on the bridge into the Training Ground, just sitting there, smoking a cigarette looking all cool and stuff. He was like, "Well it's about time, I was starting to get bored." And we were like, "WHAAAAAT?!" 'Cause we had gone to all that trouble to keep him from catching up you know? And here he was like he had not only caught up to us, but totally passed us! It was totally crazy 'ttebayo.

I wanted to know how he got past all my traps and he was like, "Oh you set traps? Sorry, I didn't see them." And that made me really mad, but now I know he had actually sent a clone of his own to give us the scroll and tell us where to go, so he had never actually been chasing us. He was just making us run and waiting for us at the end. Asuma-sensei's really sneaky like that.

So anyway, he was there on the bridge blocking the only way into the cherry grove, and Hinata looked _super_ pissed. She looked at me and she was like, "How many clones can you make?" And I still don't know the highest number I can make in one go, so I was like, "Um…a lot?" And then Hinata pulled out those awesome lightning gloves she had loaned me the night we stole the Forbidden Scroll and handed them to me like, "Light. Him. UP." And Hinata's like super scary when she wants to be, so I was like "Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

And then I had like over a hundred clones with those cool lightning gloves and I was about to jump on Asuma-sensei with my clones, but Hinata grabbed me by the back of my jacket and was like, "Original stay here, keep spamming clones while we come up with a plan."

And I thought we didn't need a plan you know, 'cause my clones were totally awesome with those lightning gloves, but then Asuma-sensei mowed down like half my clones with one swing and I was like "Holy shit!" cause that could've been me you know? Then Hinata was like, "Told you so," and Shino said that trying to fight Asuma-sensei in close would be like a super bad idea and I was like "yeah. I kinda don't want to die today."

==That Night==

Asuma looked at his father as he entered the room to deliver his report on his team, "Do you know why the chickens crossed the ravine?" Hiruzen frowned, certain he was about to hear the punchline of a terrible joke, "I do not. Why did the chickens cross the ravine?" "Because they were my students in disguise!" Asuma exclaimed.

Hiruzen blinked and then had to laugh at the sheer unexpectedness of the answer. Then he looked at Asuma, "So, I take it they impressed you?" Asuma scratched his head, "We-ell…mostly Naruto. I don't know how much of it was his idea, but Hinata and Shino didn't really seem like the type to come up with most of that stuff. I think the whole "sneaking into ANBU HQ" for the second part of the test was more up their alley. Although I'm a little surprised it was so easy to convince Naruto and Shino that Hinata had already made it out and gone home."

Hiruzen raised an eyebrow, "Indeed. Also, I heard something about half the training grounds being rendered completely unusable and a surprise circus coming to town?"

Asuma barked out a slight laugh, "Yeah, like I said, that Naruto is really something else. His clones turned everything within a mile of the route from Training Grounds Ten to Three into an absolute minefield of trip wires, whoopee cushions, kunai launchers, water balloons, bombs, mud holes…I am never trying to get into a place that kid fortifies, _especially_ not once he starts learning more jutsu than just what he's got now. An army of trap specialists with an hour or two to think about it would've been hard pressed to match what he threw up in a matter of minutes to delay me."

"And _then,_ " Asuma continued, "The crazy little bastard still had enough chakra to spam hundreds of shadow clones to attack me, build and _arm_ half a dozen ballista that he somehow built to be able to turn sideways and make into catapults when he ran out of bolts for them, find enough chickens to disguise himself and his friends in among the flock he was shooting at me, _and_ enough honey to effectively tar and feather me. _Then,_ when I went to set his clones and weapons on fire with my Burning Ash Pile, the little bastard had a clone pop out of the ground with a fire extinguisher and blast me in the face with it to stop my jutsu!"

"And at what point did he paint you pink?" Hiruzen asked as he tried his hardest not to laugh. Asuma blinked, "I'm pink?" Hiruzen produced a mirror and Asuma saw that he was indeed bright pink. Asuma's howl of outraged embarrassment was totally lost on the unconscious form of Hinata in the operating room on the other side of the glass where the same team that had planted a bomb in Shikamaru was giving her the same treatment and then some.

==OMAKE==

" _You painted me pink?!_ " Asuma demanded. Naruto shook his head and waved his hands, "It wasn't me! It was the other me!" His clones all immediately started pointing fingers at each other and Asuma wound up twitching and rubbing his eyes to try and reduce the forehead, _Why did I get stuck with this one?_


	8. Chapter 8: Abuse of Power

Chapter 8 – Abuse of Power

==A Little After Midnight, Shikamaru==

I looked around and then double checked with my shadow to make absolutely sure I was alone and then as I folded my hands into the Rat, "Shadow Paralysis." The Shadow Paralysis, being weaker than Shadow Possession, was less chakra intensive and could therefore be stretched further. If my theory was right, then I had just come up with a jutsu as terrifying as the implications of my True Resurrection. So the only thing for it now, was to test it.

I spread my shadow and tried to connect with the darkness within the ground in all the teeny little cracks between the particles of stone. I turned on my Mangekyo Sharingan and hunted. It didn't take me long. The dark was there, it was just stuck. I frowned, it wouldn't be quite as easy as I'd hoped. It wasn't so much an infinite pool of shadow as a hyper conductive medium for me to cast my shadow through, but even that difference had potential to be a real pain in the ass.

I willed my shadow into the darkness and found that it was like a cramped muscle suddenly coming loose all at once. I grinned like a loon as I felt how much more versatile my shadow felt, it was almost like suddenly having a limb with absolutely no tension or structure, just a happy little ooze ready to do whatever I wanted. _I REALLY need to find a way to make my body like this…no wonder Suigetsu's always in such a good mood if he can make his body this fluid whenever he wants…no tension at all..focus Shadow, ya got work to do! Bliss out later, hunt plant people now!_

Was it really necessary to go hunting down the White Zetsus? No. Would it be good to thin their numbers and possibly be able to track down and kill Black Zetsu through his own network? Hell yes. That thing freaking worried me. If the damn thing (I refused to think of Zetsu as a human, it wasn't) took control of my body and abilities it would be as bad as having Madara back at full Juubi Jinchuriki strength if not worse. If I could kill him before he knew I was a threat, that was possibly the biggest score I could make shy of destroying the Demonic Statue of the Outer Path or wiping the entire Akatsuki out in one blow. _Let's see how far I can stretch…_

I willed my chakra to push my shadow, push push push my awareness as far as it could go. _Shouldn't be anything human shaped underground so let's see…oh, there's one SHADOW STITCHING…one down, an army to go…let's see…where's my shadow reaching to right now?_ I folded my hands into a Tiger sign and formed a clone at the edge of my chakra's range before pulling a Substitution with it. The cold dry dusty wind hit me in the face like a Jyuken slap. My control and focus immediately shattered as I clapped my hands over my eyes and swore loudly and violently.

I eased my hands away from my eyes to allow them to adjust to the new environment, "Suna?" I placed a hand on my hip and shaded my eyes with the other as I looked down over the village hidden in a desert canyon, "Yep, that's Suna." Then I froze as a voice asked from behind me, "Who are you?"

I straightened up and looked over my shoulder and swore internally as I recognized the red head with the gourd (because really how many people meet his description?). I smiled slightly and turned to Gaara, "Oh just a shinobi testing the limits of his abilities. Are you having a nice evening?"

Gaara blinked and tilted his head to the side, pondering my question. After a moment, he replied, "I suppose so. Nobody's tried to kill me today, nobody's really bothered me at all in fact. Mother is being quiet, and it's a fairly cool evening. Yes, I suppose I am having a good day."

I smiled, "Well good. I'm glad to hear it. Everybody needs a good day at least every once in a while. I hope it keeps going well for you, and another good day for you comes tomorrow." I stepped over to the edge, "I have a feeling we'll see each other again, perhaps next time I'll get around to introducing myself. Until then, best of luck to you my friend! Have fuuu-un!" Then I leapt off the edge of the cliff laughing like a loon as I flicked Gaara a cheerful salute.

I reveled in the rush of adrenaline and then Kamuied back to Konoha at the last minute. The world shifted and whirled around me as I moved the full three hundred and fifty some odd miles back to Konoha in an instant and I reappeared over Konoha instead of Suna, folding my hands into a sign, "TRANSFORM!" As my wings erupted from my back, five feet by two and a half feet of sturdy muscle and bone and black fur on either side, I jerked nearly to a halt midair and flapped twice to keep myself up. I grinned and began to experiment, grinning widely and laughing as I whirled and flipped and dove through the air. _So this is why so many people wish they could fly! This is freakin' awesome!_

I continued to swoop and spiral and just generally enjoy the hell out of myself for quite a while until I noticed something that made my pulse skip a beat. I dropped out of the sky, strengthening my body with chakra so that I made a crater in the street rather than a splat. I rose out of the dust, "Hiashi-sama, is Hinata ok?"

Hiashi froze in his tracks, his eyes widening as he was caught red handed carrying an unconscious Hinata down the street. I frowned, "That was not the right answer." I snapped a hand sign off and caught him in my shadow, quickly sending it leaping up his body and onto Hinata's unconscious form where I proceeded to merge it with the shadows within her body to get a full diagnostic. I snarled, "Hiashi you bastard, you let them put a bomb in your own daughter?!"

Hiashi's eyebrows came down like thunderclouds, "She is my daughter and it is my choice to make. She is lucky her little stunt with you and the Uzumaki boy the other night did not get her demoted to the Branch Clan!" My face twisted into a nasty thing which could only loosely be called a smile, "Are you threatening her?"

Hiashi looked like he wanted to back the hell up, but whether he was made of sterner stuff or my Shadow Possession wasn't letting him I wasn't sure, "And what if I am?" I made a tossing motion and Hinata was ferried across to me by a forest of shadow arms. I caught her and laid her down gently, quickly folding my hands into a sign and feeding yang chakra through my shadow to balance the yin that formed it around the bomb until it was perfect Yin-Yang chakra which I quickly snuffed the bomb out of existence with.

Then I looked up at Hiashi, "Then let me warn you. If anything happens to her and I can even remotely trace it back to you, you will have a very short day, as will everyone else involved. She is now under my protection and any action against her I will take as a declaration of war on _me._ Trust me, you don't want that."

Hiashi looked pissed, "You dare threaten me boy?!" I snarled and turned on the chakra, shrouding myself in an aura of jet black Yin-Yang chakra so that I could turn on my Sharinnegan without him seeing it, then I reversed gravity. The whole street started rumbling as I made up my mind to kill him, his friends, everyone I could get my hands on if he didn't back the hell down. I'd massacre the whole village to prove my point.

I looked up at Hiashi, "This is not a threat. This is an _ultimatum._ You mess with her or Naruto, YOU. DIE. END. OF. STORY. _DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!"_ Then I turned gravity back right and multiplied it tenfold on Hiashi. He hit the ground like a ton of bricks. Given the gravity change, he probably actually weighed about that much. He certainly made some interesting crunchy sounds. I stormed over to him and lifted him by the lapel, " _I can't hear you._ "

Hiashi coughed, _"_ Little…bastard…" I released the aura of darkness around my eyes, "You shouldn't have said that." I saw his eyes go wide in fear as he recognized the fully matured Eternal Mangekyo Sharinnegan in my eyes and then I went into his head with the Kotoamatsukami (thank you Hime for stealing that for me!) and made sure that fear would never leave him. When I was done he was trembling in abject terror.

I smiled evilly, "Now then, we're not going to have any more problems are we?" Hiashi shook his head, "No sir!" I smiled evilly, "Good. Now I'm going to patch you up, and then you're going to take Hinata home, and put her to bed and be the nicest most caring father you possibly can be. _Got it?_ " Hiashi nodded vigorously, "Yessir! Yessir! Of course sir! Whatever you say sir!"

I smiled, _Ah the joys of genjutsu!_

After Hiashi scampered away with Hinata, I examined the small blood sample I had snatched while Hiashi was writhing in my genjutsu. I made a hand sign, _"_ _Forced Clone Jutsu."_ My chakra boiled up out of my fingers and into the blood, kickstarting the rapid creation of a new body identical to that of Hiashi Hyuga. The new clone was actual flesh thanks to my Yin-Yang Release, it just didn't have a mind or soul, and with another set of hand signs, " _Chimeric Assimilation Jutsu._ "

The newly formed body began to steam and the steam poured into me, rapidly altering my DNA to accept the best bits of Hiashi's, and adding his muscle mass and reflex programming to that already present within my body. It was a feeling rather like what I expect being set on fire would feel like, but I gritted my teeth and snarled through it, the benefits would be worth the pain. Besides, I had already endured it four times with Naruto, Sasuke, Obito and Shisui clones to obtain my Eternal Mangekyo Sharinnegan. Once more was nothing at this point.

A moment later the pain faded and I exhaled slowly, the clone was gone, and I felt tired. Which made the explosive in my chest detonating all the less welcome. It might've been the end of me if I hadn't already dissolved 99% of the explosive present with the aid of a Shadow Clone. There was just enough for me to feel a slight thump in my chest. I frowned irritably and switched on my new Byaku-Sharinnegan, instantly picking out Anko's form on the rooftops.

It was quite weird being able to see in all directions at once, but thanks to having assimilated Hiashi's brain and nervous system instead of just his eyes, I was able to adapt instinctively and launch a shadow to bind Anko in place before snatching her down to street level and holding her in place, the detonation trigger still in her hand. I gave a friendly smile, "Out for a midnight stroll, Anko-Sensei?"

"What did you do to Hiashi and Hinata?" Anko demanded, apparently not realizing or not caring that I could tear her to shreds with a thought. I smiled, "For Hinata, I simply removed that nasty little bomb that was put in her. You know, the one just like the one that was in me? Hiashi I gave a thorough brain scrubbing to make him be nicer to his daughters and nephew. What you _should_ be asking, is 'what are you going to do next?', as that is a far more pertinent question."

Anko scowled, "Alright, so what are you going to do next?" I smiled and raised a hand before flexing it like claws, "I'm going to do a little work on your Curse Mark." Before Anko could scream I snapped my hand out and transformed her lips together so that she couldn't open her mouth or make a sound. I raised a finger to my lips, "Shhh…people are sleeping."

Then my shadow tossed Tenten out of the alley she had been hiding in and I smiled, "Ah Ten-chan, just the girl I was thinking about going looking for!" Tenten immediately scrambled back upright looking terrified, "What do you want?"

My shadow flooded the street so that she couldn't run and I smiled, "Oh…not much. I'm looking for allies, I thought you might be interested in S-Rank power. You seem to like my fuinjutsu quite a lot, so I thought I might share something even better. Anko here was on the receiving end of a particularly nasty juinjutsu a couple of years back, and I'm going to do a little number on it to fix it and make it so that it's not a problem, but Anko's a little stubborn and paranoid, so I had to restrain her. She'll thank me when I'm done."

"Shouldn't you ask if someone wants help before you give it?" Tenten asked cautiously. I shrugged, "Well I _could_ , but Anko doesn't trust me, with good reason actually. You see the help I'm giving her isn't without its price. I'm going to do a thorough number on that pretty head of hers to make sure she doesn't try to kill me with the power I'm giving her. Don't worry, if she hadn't already tried to kill me, I wouldn't be having to do a number on her head. You see she had a genjutsu placed on her years ago, probably by the same people who tried to kill me this evening, and it's rather warped her perception of things. Speaking of which, I should probably get on with that…"

I turned to Anko and smiled, _Kotoamatsukami!_ In an instant, Anko's memories started changing with the feel of a genjutsu _releasing_ instead of being placed. Where before she remembered running away from Orochimaru, now she remembered being abducted by ROOT and brainwashed by Danzo's Kotoamatsukami. In place of revulsion for Orochimaru and his experiments, I placed a hatred for Hiruzen Sarutobi. In place of fearing me, I put trust, interest and attraction, because why not? The genjutsu took only a moment to weave and when I turned Anko loose a second later, she landed lithe as a cat and grinned at me, "So, you say you can fix my old sensei's little screw up huh?"

I smiled, "I'll certainly try Anko-chan!" Anko straightened up, "And you sound like you want to help me do in that old bastard that had me brainwashed right?" My smile turned wicked, "You know it."

Tenten looked a little lost and a lot scared as she asked, "Um, what's going on?" I turned to her and smiled, "I told you I was removing a brainwashing genjutsu. Did you really expect her to act exactly the same?" "Um…I guess not?" Tenten answered nervously, "Um…should I be scared?"

Anko Body Flickered over and threw an arm around her shoulder with a big grin, "Of course not kid! You just got offered a boost from the toughest shinobi in Konoha! Come on, we'll go together!" "Go? Go where?!" Tenten asked in a slight panic.

I smiled gently and put out a pulse of calming genjutsu, "Don't worry Tenten, we're just going somewhere a little more private. Trust me, everything'll be fine." Then I used a sleeping genjutsu and Tenten was out like a light. Anko grinned as she caught Tenten and tossed the unconscious girl over her shoulder, "So kid, where to?" I grinned, "I know just the place!"

==Half an Hour Later, Uzumaki Mask Storage Temple==

I grinned as I popped off a living clone that bounced across the room and grabbed the Shinigami mask and donned it. "Cool…" Anko breathed as the Shinigami manifested behind my clone as I created a second live clone. The clone in the mask quickly took the blade from the Shinigami's mouth and slit its own belly, freeing the soul of Minato Namikaze, and what I was really after, the Yin-chakra of the Nine Tails.

In an action not too dissimilar to a dog catching a ball, my second clone leapt and chomped down both the soul and the chakra, quickly assimilating it before belching out Minato's soul which quickly rocketed through the ceiling. He landed and lifted his shirt with an evil grin matching mine as the seal formed on its stomach. He dropped his shirt and made a sign, quickly transforming into a black-haired version of Minato with my Yamigan (as I had decided to call my Byaku-Sharinnegan). Our eyes met and he copied all the knowledge that had been in Minato's head into mine.

He smiled, "I will be Menma. That seems a fine name to distinguish myself from you since we are no longer quite so much the same." I smiled, "Good. You know what to do?" Menma chuckled, "Why of course! I'm you after all!" Then there was a ripple in the air and he was gone.

Anko raised an eyebrow as she looked at me, "Where'd he go?" I smiled, "To assemble the others of course! Don't worry, he'll be back. Now then, let's get you out of that coat so I can have a look at that curse mark." Anko set Tenten down and turned, smirking over her shoulder as she shed her coat in the sexiest manner she could, "Sure you don't just want to see me naked while you're at it?"

I blinked and maintained my poker face as best I could, "That would be nice too." Anko just laughed and knelt down to give a clearer shot at her Curse Mark, "Kid, you and I are going to get along just fine!"

Within an hour, Menma had returned, given me the knowledge and material he had collected, and was gone again. Anko had bugged out slightly over the pile of corpses, but I assured her it was necessary before sealing them for later use and study and transferring the knowledge of the jutsu Menma and I had been after into her head as well as how to adapt it appropriately.

By dawn, I was able to look up at the Hokage Monument with sleeves full of aces and grin, _Hiruzen Sarutobi, upon my whim, you're a dead man._ Then I had to give vent to a maniacal laugh because there are some sentiments you just can't properly express without manic laughter.

I pulled my substitute with shuriken trick all the way home and found Yoshino waiting for me, utterly livid. I might once have turned around, closed the door quickly and run for the hills if someone had picked their head up off the table and given me such a death glare, but when you're virtually indestructible, you get a little ballsier.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!" Yoshino demanded. I immediately clamped her jaw shut with the shadows in her blood vessels and smiled, "I've been out training with Anko-sensei. She's part of my ANBU team. You might know her as ANBU Hebi, Orochimaru's crazy former apprentice, or one of my new best friends. We made much progress and did lots of good things. Do you like my new application of clan shadow jutsu?"

I released her mouth so she could talk and she stared at me in shocked silence. Then she started to get angry and I immediately clamped her mouth shut again with a smile and a raised eyebrow, "You know, one _might_ get the impression you were upset. I understand that you were worried and as a mother that is your job. I do apologize for not telling you I'd be out all night. However your worrying was totally unnecessary as I am probably the strongest shinobi in Konoha with the possible exceptions of Jiraiya and Lord Hokage and I'm more than capable of taking care of myself. If anyone manages to take _me_ down, the whole village is probably already going up in flames. So please, calm yourself, let that worry-induced-anger go, be happy that I am not someone you will ever need to worry about again, and go to bed. I'm sure Dad would enjoy some cuddle time. So go cuddle with Dad. I'm just a Shadow Clone here to get some sleep to relay back to the original and I plan to spawn half a dozen more as soon as you go to bed and get some much needed rest. Don't worry about breakfast and chores and such, I'll handle it. Now go on, scoot scoot! Off to bed, it's past your sleepy time. Don't make me use a genjutsu on you."

Yoshino twitched as I released her from my jutsu, and then she turned and went to bed without another word. I smiled slightly as I watched her go and blasted her with genjutsu to wipe the event from her memory while her back was turned but leave the message implanted in her head to not antagonize me. Demeaning? Yes. Rude? Definitely. Adequate and immensely satisfying payback for all the yelling and unwarranted storms of nuclear rage over the years? Hell yeah. I stretched and then folded my hands into the Shadow Clone cross, "Shadow Clone Jutsu."

Two dozen of me popped into existence, I turned to my troops, "Okay, everybody pop a soldier pill and then I'll start assigning tasks." They all immediately went to the fridge and started distributing soldier pills among themselves to wake themselves up since they were all just as tired as I was. I tried to shake off my sleepiness for a little while longer and started pointing and ordering, "Okay, you three, go to the library, start researching all the jutsu you can find. Disregard jutsu we have already obtained. We have the knowledge of application, now we just need the material." The three in question took off.

I turned to the next set, "You five, go to Squad Seven training, try to avoid getting dispersed, feel free to employ Preparation H." My clones all cackled at the name I had decided to give the plan to push Sasuke and Sakura towards following me down the path of darkness before calling affirmatives on their way out the door. My remaining clones and I all smirked before returning to business.

"Next five," I declared, "Go procure tools and material for experimentation and manufacturing. You know the reason so hop to it." A moment later they were gone. I turned to the remaining eleven, "Alright, ten of you, get all the housework done, one of you go check on Hime, and make sure at least one of you sticks around to cook breakfast, lunch and whatever other meals are necessary throughout the day." "Draw straws?" one asked the rest. "Draw straws," the rest agreed.

I sighed with a small smile, "alright, good. I'm going to bed. If you finish your tasks before you run out of chakra, either disperse or find another clone to assist. My clones immediately started scrambling to find some straws to draw and I turned and went to bed. I paused halfway down the hallway and popped off three more Shadow Clones. I pointed at each of them in turn, "North, West, Three." They nodded and immediately disappeared into distortions in the air. I smiled and stumbled on to my room. Even for me, that was a _lot_ of chakra to use in one day, and it had been a _damn_ long day at that!

Imagine my displeasure to find Naruto sacked out in my bed, drooling on my pillow. My eye twitched as I quickly debated making another bed or using a _Get-outta-my-bed-right-fucking-now_ jutsu. Then an even better idea occurred to me. It would cost a little extra chakra, but it would teach Naruto not to sleep in my bed anymore. I stuck a finger to his forehead with an evil grin and made a sign, _"_ _Transform."_

A moment later I slid into bed next to Naruto, completely cool with it. Why you ask? Because I had forced his Sexy Jutsu form on him using _my_ Real Transformation instead of his, which meant he'd be stuck in that form until he either figured out how to change himself back, which would be doubly hard for him since on top of having to figure out a Real _Permanent_ Transformation like mine, he'd have to figure out that I had layered on a standard E-Rank Academy Illusory Transformation on top of the real deal, or I reversed the jutsu. Until then? Hot well-endowed blonde in my bed wearing what had been pajamas before it became lingerie was more than fine by me. Even if she did snore and drool in her sleep a bit, which I was able to ignore by using the other pillow.

Then I laid down and found myself experiencing the problem that had plagued me for as long as could remember: Too many thoughts! I covered my eyes and sighed, _Ok…what have I gotta do…list…need a list…_ I thought for a while and then finally managed to drift into sleep.

==Later That Morning==

I woke up to find Naruko draped over me, all the softest most pleasant bits pressing and _rubbing_ right against all the most pleasant places in all the right ways and a soft pair of lips traipsing along my jaw line. I was immediately stock still and wondering what the precise _hell_.

 _Was Naruto actually gay and just waiting for an excuse to express it or did I do entirely too thorough a job on that transformation?_ _I know it was always debatable in Shippuden, but what the serious fuck is happening here because if he/she keeps this up there is going to be some serious fuck in a few minutes! If this is a reverse prank then I owe Naruto an apology for underestimating his intelligence and ability to-?!_

The _?!_ was my brain shutting down in response to being abruptly frenched. Naruto(ko?) broke off the kiss a moment later and raised up slightly, her eyes finally opening as she smiled. Then his(her?) brain caught up and he(she?) had just as much of a WTF moment as I'd just been having and leapt out of bed, thoroughly freaked out, "WHAT THE HELL?!"

I sat up and stared at him, twitching slightly, "Well. At least now I know what you meant when you started muttering in your sleep." Naruto stared at me, not comprehending (because I was lying), "Huh?" I smirked, "You were muttering, 'you can't catch me gay thoughts!' Then you transformed in your sleep and started trying to act on some apparent underlying attractions because apparently, yes they can!" and then I had to burst out laughing as Naruto clutched his head and had a total blue screen of death moment.

==OMAKE==

==Shadow==

Naruto twitched as he read the script for the chapter, "You want me to what?" I laughed, "Oh don't worry, I made a live clone of your Sexy Jutsu form to shoot those scenes for you." Naruto sighed in relief as the clone in question draped herself over my shoulders and winked at him.

Then he blinked and realized he might have been missing something, "Wait a minute, how long am I supposed to be in that form?" I swapped a glance with 'Ruko and we both burst out laughing before rushing out, leaving a mildly horrified Naruto flipping through the script as fast as he could before howling in despair.

 **AN:** Also, for those who bother to read these, Ghost here. I don't know who all caught it in this chapter, but I do now have access to Summoning Jutsu in this story as a result of gaining Minato's knowledge. The question now is what should I summon? I'm opening a poll on my profile page that I'd be delighted to get some votes in, but I'll post the list here too so you can vote by review if you like. So if you see one on the list that you really want to see as a summon creature, gimme a shout! (The choices were narrowed after the initial 48 hour preliminary. Poll will close at 10:00 PM, 4/22/17 CST. Results will be posted.)

Bats

Coyotes

Leopards

Oni

Owls

 **RESULTS:** The Oni win a landslide 3 to 1 victory over all other options, so Ghost/Shikamaru will be getting Oni battle partners with his summoning jutsu. For those wondering, yes, Hime/Hinata will also be getting the Summoning Jutsu eventually, and she is leaning towards Nekomata for her summon partners.


	9. Chapter 9: The Reveal

**Chapter 9: THE REVEAL**

 **==Day 1, Kakashi==**

I was rather unsurprised to see Kurenai in the tree I landed in to check on Naruto and Sasuke at lunch time. I had been quietly checking on them and keeping an eye on them for years, always wearing my old ANBU mask if I had to interact directly. I felt I owed it to Minato-sensei to watch out for Naruto, and I owed Sasuke a leg up for not stopping Itachi.

I had known Kurenai for quite some time, and had known that for the last year or two she had been looking out for Hinata in much the same way I had Naruto and Sasuke. We had wound up becoming quite good friends as a result.

The surprise to me was that Shikaku was there as well. I met his gaze and immediately knew something was wrong. Shikaku turned his gaze to the students below and I saw that his son, Shikamaru, hadn't tied up his hair like usual, and his body language was different than usual. He seemed to have been possessed with a wild spark of energy. His normally laconic, slothful, efficient movements had been replaced by far more energetic and animated ones far more reminiscent of Naruto or Kiba than himself. I tilted my head and looked at Shikaku curiously. Shikaku nodded, his face drawn into tight lines of worry. I turned back to look at Shikamaru and slowly raised my headband for a look with my Sharingan. I pulled it back down a moment later before looking back at Shikaku and shrugging, _it's him as far as my Sharingan can tell._

Shikaku's mouth worked from side to side as he thought it over. I saw Hinata come over to sit at the base of the tree below us when Sasuke's fan club swarmed Sakura and Ino. I noted Kurenai's gaze and realized that something was up with Hinata as well. I checked with my Sharingan and shrugged again. Then I heard footsteps approaching and raised an eyebrow, _Shikamaru?_

The boy looked almost excited as he strolled up to Hinata and leaned on the tree next to her. Then all three of us froze as we heard what he said in a voice too low for anyone but Hinata and our well trained ears to hear, "Ya know lahsy, ya don't ahct moch like Hinata." Hinata's head snapped up, "Why are you talking like a British guy?!"

I'm sure all three of us in the tree felt something cold settle over our souls as the boy who appeared to be Shikamaru grinned as the girl who looked like Hinata's cover slipped in wake of his jab. Then he spoke low and quick, "I'm not British, and neither of us is from this world if you know what the hell British is." Hinata looked about as poleaxed as I felt, _What?_

They quickly introduced themselves with what sounded like codenames, and then I got another shock. I swapped glances with Kurenai and Shikaku who looked as stunned as I was, _They're actually IN Shikamaru and Hinata's bodies?!_

I must've missed something in my shock because by the time I focused my hearing to their conversation again at a small spike of killing intent from Hinata, they had switched over to some kind of coded speech which I didn't understand. Then Ghost/Shadow snapped a hand out towards the girl who had called herself Empress and got a few chakra points in his arm shut down for his trouble. "Empress" didn't get it at first, but the demonstration was clear to me. Even if she didn't consciously have Hinata's memories, Hinata's body still remembered everything, which meant all of Hinata's skill and abilities were now in the hands of a complete unknown. I swapped horrified glances with Kurenai and Shikaku as the two below us went to gabbling away in their code speak.

After the bell rang, they went back to class as though they belonged there, switching back over to normal speech effortlessly as they strolled out of earshot. I turned to Kurenai and Shikaku, "I think we might have a problem." Shikaku gave me the most witheringly _no-shit_ glare I've ever seen then turned to Kurenai, "Kurenai, any idea what sort of jutsu might have done this?"

Kurenai shook her head, her eyes still locked on the door, "No, the only thing I've ever heard of that's even close is the Yamanaka clan's jutsu, and that's their secret ninjutsu. Inoichi-san would most likely be the person to ask, but I don't think even he can do remote mind body switches…and even if he could, those two said they were from a different world. Not another nation or village, another _world_. This may not be some simple jutsu, and from how utterly lost they sounded, it seems as though they may be as much the victims of whatever did this as Shikamaru and Hinata."

Shikaku looked at me, "Kakashi, you said that your Sharingan didn't detect anything off about them other than their behavior?" I nodded, "As far as my Sharingan can tell, that's the real Shikamaru and Hinata's bodies. They even have the right chakra colors. Whatever it is, it appears to be completely mental. Also, if there were any physical differences, wouldn't the Hinata imposter have been spotted immediately? Surely someone in the Hyuga Compound would have noticed if there were anything to notice."

Kurenai's eyes widened, "That's right, and the Byakugan can even spot the seeds of chakra required for genjutsu, something of this magnitude would be _glaringly_ obvious. Beyond that, if it were a normal genjutsu, her hitting him and blocking his chakra even a little should have dispelled it."

Shikaku visibly thought about it for a few minutes more and then, "Kakashi, send a Shadow Clone to Lord Hokage and report this. All three of us need to stay here and keep an eye on those two. The one impersonating my son has at least some knowledge of my clan's techniques and enough mastery to use Shadow Strangle for casual convenience."

I nodded and formed a Shadow Clone which immediately Body Flickered away. About ten minutes later it dispersed to return its memories to me, "We're to wait and observe. Don't provoke them, and keep this quiet, we don't need anyone realizing two clan heirs have been replaced without anyone knowing about it."

 **==Day 6 - Hiruzen==**

I watched through my crystal ball as Shikamaru effortlessly captured Hiashi and I could only assume neutralized the bomb we'd gone to such lengths to implant in Hinata before reversing gravity somehow, smashing Hiashi like a bug and delivering what I could only dub a grade A threatening ultimatum. My eyebrows went up as the boy revealed what appeared to be a Sharingan of some sort in the midst of his threatening before dropping some sort of genjutsu on Hiashi that turned the Hyuga Clan Head into a groveling wretch desperate to keep his obvious superior from killing him out of hand.

As Hiashi turned and ran off with Hinata, I kept my eyes on the boy who had undoubtedly orchestrated half of the past few days' events and just now proven himself to be an at least Jonin level threat. The boy froze and then turned and yanked Anko and a young girl, oh what was her name… _Tenten_ , that was it, one of Might Guy's students, out of the shadows with his jutsu. I listened attentively as the boy explained away what was about to happen and then a sinking feeling erupted in my gut as he dropped Anko a moment later, Anko apparently having taken an unexpected one-eighty in her allegiances. A few sentences later, they all three disappeared and I had to scroll rapidly with my crystal ball to locate them again.

My eyes widened as I found them standing before a man wearing a mask with the Shinigami floating behind it. Then the man slit his belly and the Shinigami did the same, two orbs of light issuing from the rent in its stomach! Shikamaru popped off a clone that leapt and devoured both the orbs, and then the clone landed, turned into what looked like a darker version of Minato and declared itself Menma. The clone, Menma, disappeared in a ripple in the air after a brief exchange with Shikamaru.

I sat back as Anko stripped and Shikamaru began to work on her Curse Mark. Normally that was a view I'd enjoy, but in wake of what I'd just seen, I was too busy dealing with my thoughts and to be honest, worries.

 _This kid is bad news. If Mizuki really hadn't approached or been approached by him, and his apparent skill for genjutsu brings that into doubt now, he still knew what Mizuki was up to. That means he's either skilled in stealth or has some sort of precognitive abilities. Judging by his actions since then, I'd say that if it's precognitive abilities then he at the very worst simply hasn't used them since before the heist, or at best only saw one possible future and is now playing everything else by ear._

I steepled my fingers in front of my nose, _If he only knew what Mizuki was up to instead of actually orchestrating it, and didn't know anything else that was going to happen, then it's entirely possible he is simply an extremely talented young strategist and a master of thinking on the fly. Sending Guy to capture Mizuki and help him pin the entirety of the blame on him was a very good move, on top of that, he managed to completely divert the council's attention by revealing Danzo's role in the Uchiha Massacre, something which may very well sink my reputation yet if people start wondering about why Danzo wasn't killed after that, and how much I've covered up. Even worse, it could lead to a civil war if the clans begin to fear that they will become as expendable as the Uchiha would to an outsider seem to have been. I should have killed Danzo years ago for high treason…_

I buried my face in my hands and continued to watch my crystal ball with one eye between my fingers, _Because this kid is already planning to kill me, and it looks like he may very well be smart and talented enough to do it. He's working on that juinjutsu like he invented it and on top of that he's got Hashirama-sensei's jutsu backing him up. He was dangerous before, but now he's a one man army. That wasn't idle bluster when Anko-chan abducted him, his chakra is incredibly potent and with just the applications I've seen him put it to, I don't think anyone below S-Rank could hold their own against him if he were really serious barring some exceptionally ridiculous handicaps._

 _Normal weapons won't penetrate far beyond his skin now while his chakra circulation is up, they'll dissolve too fast if the needles we used for the surgery are any indication, and even if they can, he can heal as easily as using standard E-Rank transformation jutsu. Gas weapons and poison are only viable until he detects them or alters his physiology to make himself immune to them…direct jutsu are completely useless, his chakra can shut them down on contact and destroy any physical matter that touches it. Taijutsu is the only really viable option against him now, and with his physical abilities cranked up so much by Hashirama-sensei's jutsu and that odd Sharingan of his, there's no telling how powerful he might be in taijutsu now. Mizuki and Iruka's reports would indicate that he's at the absolute least high genin level, and he wasn't even using his Sharingan for that…This kid could easily be S-Rank, and I don't know what those lights his clone ate were…It couldn't have been Minato's…yes, yes it could. If he has Minato's soul then I have to assume he has all of Minato's knowledge and skill compounded upon his own, and what the hell just happened? THAT'S THE AKATSUKI!_

"Menma" had just returned with a pile of bodies, all wearing the distinctive black cloaks with red clouds that marked members of the notorious Akatsuki that Jiraiya had been so paranoid about over the last few years. Menma locked eyes with Shikamaru for a moment and then was gone again. Anko was unsettled by the bodies, and I got a sinking feeling as Shikamaru sealed the corpses before returning to work on Anko's curse mark, _Definitely an S-Class threat. What "others" was he talking about earlier? Is he planning to take the lives of every S-Rank missing-nin in the world? All S-Rank shinobi period? Is he going to create more doppelgangers like that one of Minato that apparently just assassinated nearly a dozen of the most dangerous men, and one woman by the looks of it, in the world? If he's building himself an army of clones with the powers and abilities of the most dangerous men and women to ever live then he could be a Kage level threat in a matter of hours…Hell he already is with that Minato clone answering to him!_

Then I remembered how eager Anko had been about killing somebody when Shikamaru had used that genjutsu on her to make her cooperate with him, _And he's probably already planning to kill me…_ I felt a cold bead of sweat run down the back of my neck, _A loose cannon with at least Minato's power to back him up, enough power of his own to take down an army, and he's got it in for me…I should have stayed in retirement…I'm too old for this! Maybe I should call Tsunade back and MAKE her take the hat…he's a sucker for beautiful women, she might be able to control him…unless he makes a clone of her too…_

The horrible thought crossed my mind and then gave way to a much more frightening one, _CRAP! HOW MUCH DO HIS CLONES KNOW?! IF HE ASSASSINATES ME AND CAN MAKE A CLONE WITH ALL MY KNOWLEDGE TO IMPERSONATE ME HE CAN TAKE OVER THE VILLAGE WITHOUT ANYONE EVER KNOWING!_ I laid my head in my hands, _I've got to talk this kid out of assassinating m-HOLY FUCK IS THAT HASHIRAMA-SENSEI?! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!_

The kid had just popped off another clone and used the Edo-Tensei to revive what looked a disturbing lot like Hashirama-sensei before setting his hand on sensei's head and making a yanking motion. Nothing visible came out, but Hashirama-sensei collapsed immediately and the Edo-Tensei was broken immediately. Shikamaru then grew a perfect red rose out of his palm and offered it to Anko as she was pulling her clothes back on. If I wasn't pale I should have been, _Okay, confirmed. Whatever he's doing, it allows him to steal at least some knowledge from his victim. Best to assume he's getting everything and now has the full knowledge and skill of Hashi-OH-COME-ON! NOT BOTH OF THEM! WHO'S NEXT, MADARA?!_

I watched as Tobirama-sensei's Edo-Tensei body collapsed and returned to its former form and then I sat back and stared at the ceiling with a small laugh, _I'm doomed…The kid probably ate the Akatsuki's minds too…He's a dozen S-Rank to Kage-grade shinobi rolled into one…three of which are my senseis and successor…WITH the capacity to create new minions at will, as well as likely being able to assassinate and replace absolutely anybody flawlessly…If I can't convince him to like me…I'm toast…I can't even use his girlfriend as a shield…he can revive the dead as easily as breathing…trying to kill him would probably just piss him off, can't even think about attempting it without at least a 99% chance of success…he can teleport, so sending him on a long mission to get him out of my hair is out, he'd go and be back in a heartbeat…any attempt at brainwashing would probably just make him pissed enough to come after me…he's probably already considering me an opponent after I tried to put a bomb in him and his girlfriend…if he decides to eliminate me is there even anything I can-SAGE'S PANTS!_

The Minato clone had just attempted to teleport into my office and come dangerously close to punching through the security seals. His face had been clearly visible as it pressed against the seal like it was a latex membrane before being sling-shot back and away. My heart was hammering, the seal had held…but only narrowly. A few inches further and I would've been able to reach out and touch him. _Thank kami Minato was so paranoid about security…that probably slung him halfway to the moon…_

It probably did to be honest. That made it that much worse when a second later there were shouts of surprise from outside and the sounds of fighting before the door was nearly caved in by a tremendous blow. I jumped up out of my seat and quickly summoned Enma. Before Enma could even ask what was going on, there was a snapping sound as the security seals collapsed, and then the door caved in, an exceptionally menacing silhouette advancing through it with a very big grin and a Killing Intent that made my heart race with terror.

"Hiruzen Sarutobi…we have a lot to talk about." Minato's face had never been as twisted as the maniacal grin that graced Menma's face as he began to laugh the most psychotic laugh I'd ever heard.

 **==Day 7, Hime==**

It was cold, and my mouth was dry. Thoughts swam just out of reach. Had I hit my head or something?

Deep in my mind there was something, something I had to remember…Bright light, and the burning _nothing_ cleanliness of a hospital… _HOSPITAL! OMG, MY EYES!_

Sharp quick breaths rose into a shriek of fury. Someone had done surgery on me without my consent!

I slammed a fist into the nearest object available and was rewarded with the sound of shattering wood. I was utterly _livid_ as I tore off the bandages. Someone owed me the satisfaction of being "tested" on with these new eyes.

Then I sat bolt upright as someone drawled, "Well aren't _you_ cranky this morning?" I quickly spotted Shikamaru sitting in a chair at the foot of my bed, then I frowned and corrected, _No, that's just a Shadow Clone…_ I paused and blinked, _How do I know that?_

Shikamaru smiled that wry little grin of his at me, "Looks like you don't remember much. Care for me to fill in the blanks?" "OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO FILL IN THE BLANKS! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?!" He held up his hands and made a gentle calming gesture, "Easy, easy, what I did was save your life and make you one of the strongest shinobi in Konoha. You were abducted by the ANBU after your genin exam and had a bomb implanted in your chest. I caught Hiashi carrying you home and used my Shadow Jutsu to remove it. Your eyes might feel a bit weird because I did a little work on them in the brief time I had a hold of you."

" _What kind of work?!"_ I snarled. He smiled with smugness oozing from every pore, "I fused the Rinnegan I stole from Nagato into your Byakugan to form a pseudo-Tenseigan. The new eyes look super hot on you by the way." _Wait, what?_

He grinned, "Yep, you heard right! I've already been and bumped off the entire Akatsuki and assimilated them, Zetsu and Obito included. I picked up a few other fun little snacks while I was out as well, but I'll keep those up my sleeve for now in case anyone's listening. I'm the _ultimate_ one man army, but that's enough about me, let's talk about your new eyes. I'm afraid I had to dial back the default power setting to keep it from draining you to death upon activation, but you should still be capable of S-Rank gravity manipulation. Hell, just look what you did to the poor nightstand!"

He gestured and drew my gaze to the splinters which had been my nightstand before continuing, "I'm going to recommend extensive practice with that. If you lash out in your sleep with those powers you could seriously hurt somebody you didn't want to. I think you'll also have limited versions of the Rinnegan's other abilities, healing for example although I don't know the extent of it. I also strongly suspect you'll have some top notch chakra armor due to the way your Hyuga physiology already allows you to exude chakra from all over your body as a defensive wall. You might also gain a considerable deal of insight even if it's not the Rinnegan's mind reading abilities. Since I know you're probably not going to be completely satisfied with what you've got, although it would be enough for most people, Sage Mode might grant you the power levels necessary to pump up your abilities to fully match the Rinnegan. Oh, I also suspect you'll be able to step up from the Eight Trigrams to the _Eighty_ Trigrams Kaguya used. Just a thought. Oh, and yes I know you were wondering, _Yamigan._ "

His eyes suddenly turned jet black and began glowing with a wicked purple light as his grin took on a sinister tone, "Byaku-Sharinnegan, the best Dojutsu I can cook up." Then he rose, "Anyway, I just wanted to come make sure you were alright. Your body has adapted to your new eyes nicely and your chakra system isn't showing any particularly terrible strain. If you have any trouble, come find me, I've got Shadow Clones all over the place doing this, that and a bit of everything else, shouldn't be hard to find me. For now though, I'll go let the original know you're alright. See you around Princess Feisty Pants." Then he exploded into a puff of chakra smoke with a laugh as his new nickname for me registered. My eye twitched and my chakra oozed out in an angry vermillion miasma, _I'm gonna_ _ **kill him**_ _one of these days…_

 **==Late That Afternoon==**

Luckily for once the Konoha training grounds were empty, children and teenagers off at dinner while non-mission centric shinobi were working elsewhere. Soft wind blew steadily as I practiced Rotation, releasing complex weavings of emotional aggression into the blasts making the opponent clones' dissipate like balloons. It wasn't the Protection of the Eight Trigrams Hinata had created, but it was a beginning I thought.

A sudden startling flash of chakra was the only warning I received before a thin kunai sailed past my face, my last clone erupting in smoke as I turned my attention to the chakra that had attacked me and began to analyze. The signature was cool, no, _cold_ , with a strange breath of feelings storming through it. Shock, fear, and a strange welling of embarrassment at being snuck up on washed over me. The heat washed over me as I caught sight of a pink haired girl dressed in a mid-class cream colored shirt form fitting jeans paired with stylish boots completed the ensemble. _A civilian,_ my mind screamed at me in betrayal even as I recognized Sakura, _I let a civilian sneak up on me?!_

Quickly turning on my Tenseigan left me almost gasping in shock. It was the first time I had ever examined her with the Byakugan's chakra sight, let alone my new Tenseigan. Chakra flowed steadily through Sakura's network, radiating around her in thin aura of light. There was none of the battle-borne hardness to her chakra that spoke of shinobi training, but there was something, a smothering blanket a firm heavy power. _Self-taught,_ my mind managed before she attacked.

She was good, better than good. Creating a webbing of energy that lashed and broke against my chakra network like waves of thorns that shattered my concentration, she rushed me. The rage and frustration echoing off her in a miasma of greenish chakra choked me as she began her assault on my defenses, which weren't as fast or sturdy as they should've been. She was smart, her chakra infected mine like a virus, wearing it down until it pushed under my skin and into y nerves, itching like mosquito bites and burning anew, until I was sure I was going to die, then the discomfort and surprise assault stopped.

"This was a taste of what I can do," Sakura declared coldly, her voice firm and heavy with confidence. "Why did you attack me like that" I managed to croak out, my vision swimming in front of my eyes.

"I really don't like people who get powerful positions and treated well when they didn't do anything except being born into the right family," Sakura replied, her voice thick with bitterness then she teleported off. Well that had been fun. "I could learn to like her," I mused aloud, the only greeting to my words was the soft fluttering of the breeze. Then my world exploded in pain centered between my shoulder blades and in the small of my back as a voice yelled, "EXORCISM!"


	10. EPILOGUE: The God of Darkness

**AN:** _First of all, I want to apologize for making you all wait so long. There'll be more explanation about that unexpected hiatus at the end of the chapter, but I want to preface all this with my very sincerest apologies for that._

 _..._

 _Enough of that, let's get this show on the road!_

 _..._

 **EPILOGUE - THE GOD OF DARKNESS**

== **Meanwhile, Ghost** ==

 _Spin, deflect and shove,_ I grinned as I effortlessly dodged out of Kakashi's way and into a stance. "Nice try," I told him, "But you'll need to be a little bit quicker than that if you're going to hit me."

Kakashi turned back to face me and then Guy, Hiashi, Asuma, Shikaku, Inoichi, Choza, Yamato and Ibiki Morino all landed around me, along with over two dozen ANBU. I looked around and raised an eyebrow, _Well, I guess the jig's up._

I smiled in as friendly a manner as I could, "Oh my, what a great many of you there are." I tilted my head slightly to the side feigning ignorant curiosity, "Are you _all_ here for a fight?"

"Drop the act," Shikaku ordered coldly, "We know you're not Shikamaru. Now what have you done with my son?"

I blinked and then shrugged, "Weeell if you _must_ know, he's still right here. This _is_ his body, buuut," I slid into an evil predatory grin, "As you have guessed, I'm not him. Allow me to introduce myself…"

I manifested a living clone with a thought and immediately fell to the ground twitching and writhing, howling in feigned agony as my clone transformed into a massive monstrous form.

"I am the Lord of Darkness," my Oni-shaped clone declared. He was eight feet tall with ghostly white skin. His eyes glowed with purple black chakra and his mouth was a gruesome slash that stretched from one corner of his jaw to the other, lined with razor sharp fangs. His hair was long, spiky and jet black, tied back in a pony tail reminiscent of Jiraiya's. He was clad in a pitch black cloak that could become his wings and was speckled with little white sparks like the stars in the night sky. He wore armor that was coal black but took on a reddish hue thanks to the hell fire burning around his feet.

Yami (as I called him) had two antlers with a total of eight points curling up out of his forehead and sweeping back to form a sort of crown over his murderous alien eyes. He gestured with his hands tipped in insanely sharp shadow claws that were tipped in the blood red youki of the Bijuu, "So, now you know the truth. The boy will never be quite the same, he's been inhabiting my mind for a week now. If you want to fight, then come on. Otherwise, I'll be going on my merry way." The purple chakra flared around his eyes and his gruesome smile turned to a frown, "Hmm…I see you've exorcised my pet bakeneko from Hinata. That's troublesome…" then his smile returned, "But that's fine too. Ahhh well…C'est la vie!" Then he was gone and I was quickly surrounded by concerned shinobi.

My only thought as my clone began to unravel time from a hidden location using the power of the Yamigan for a second try? _Suckers._

 ** _AN:_** _Heeey everybody, Ghost here. Yeah, sadly it's just me now. What started as a gleeful circus is now down to just me: a sad little clown on a rusty unicycle with a flat tire and a drooping balloon in an empty big top..._

 _My co-author Empress has moved on to other things, so I'm just going to put an end to this one here. Don't worry, I'm not hanging it completely out to dry. I had a LOT planned for this one, so a reboot's coming with just Shadow, and hopefully I'll be able to keep a little bit better of an update schedule on the reboot since I won't be having to coordinate with another author with a very different schedule from my own._

 _I can't tell you all how sorry I am that this is how it ended. Rest assured, I've learned my lesson and won't be trying any more co-authoring ventures. This is...it's just...(shakes head)_

 _Please forgive this severely lame ending and enjoy some of my other works until I get the reboot up and running._

 _Again, my sincerest apologies, I know this is NOT the ending you were all waiting for (trust me, I'm not at all pleased either), but rest assured that this is..._

 ** _NOT THE END_**


	11. Part 2 Chapter 1: The Return of Bozo-nii

**_AN: As I said, it was not the end! Happy birthday to me two days early (August 2nd for anyone wondering)! I got a clown for my birthday party!_**

 ** _THE KINJUTSU 3_**

 ** _PART 2: THE WRATH OF BOZO-NII_**

 _Badoodoodootdoot badoodoodootdoot badoodoodootdoot bewaweooneeoonee-a-oo-a-ooo-a-oooo badeedle-eedle-eee…_ The eerie music echoed through the mist filled streets of Konoha before the sun rose on that cloud filled day that threatened pouring rain. It went unheard by even the sharpest ears despite its pervasive presence. Rather it was something felt, a sense of foreboding. It was the hair-raising gut feeling when you know that something's not right, that inexplicable dread that settles in your gut when the shadow in the corner of the room snaps its eyes shut just before you spot them. That rising sense of terror that starts as a little tingle at the base of your skull and soon sends your entire brain into panic mode as your instincts scream in unison to flee. As the calliope played, all felt that growing dread.

The gate guards didn't notice the rotund figure pedaling past them, although his wheel was squeaky and the support of his seat groaned with every cobblestone. They didn't notice the oddly colored bumpy protrusions jutting from the side of his head or the dirty white jumpsuit he wore. They didn't notice the faded polka dots, the giant red shoes or the equally red and bulbous nose.

They didn't see the sunken eyes in shadowed sockets, or the once cheerfully striped umbrella leaned on the slumped shoulder. The way the eyes glowed with mischief as their gaze roved over the unsuspecting guards who were staring right through the ghostly apparition went unnoticed but for a shiver that ran down their spines to their bladders in an attempt to make them wet themselves in fear. They were completely oblivious to the way those eyes peered into their very souls, taking into account everything that they were in an instant...and what value they could provide to the mysterious being casually pedaling past them on a rusty unicycle.

The specter rolled on. It was a peaceful Saturday morning and dawn had yet to even crack. Today though, there would be no sun. Darkness would reign in Konoha this day, for it was a day for dark deeds and dealings. "And who better?" the clown muttered with a savage grin.

==Half An Hour Later==

The sky lightened slightly as dawn broke over Konoha, although the clouds seemed to darken as if to compensate while the storm winds began to whisper through the streets. Trash rustled and leaves began to skate across the ground as wooden timbers groaned and alleyways moaned. It was as though all of Konoha had come alive to warn those dwelling within its walls of what was coming.

Many of those with sharper instincts snapped awake, their hearts pounding and their hands going to kunai shuriken and whatever other implements of combat they could lay hands on. Some shinobi checked their rooms, most of the civilians shrugged it off and started their morning routines a little early.

In the Hyuga Compound though, where the buildings were white like painstakingly polished teeth with dark sloped roofs like frowning brows, many were already awake. The Main Branch had tried to keep it quiet, but today was the day that at dawn, the next Clan Head would be chosen from the two daughters of Hiashi Hyuga. It was to be decided by one on one combat, and every Hyuga old enough to understand was awake, watching with wide Byakugans through the walls to see the battle for the leadership of their clan unfurl.

Hiashi Hyuga himself was in the dojo of the Main House's lavish manor, dressed in very formal clothes for it to be so early in the morning. It was a wooden walled room, very plain and box like. The floors were stone tile and the ceiling was supported by sturdy wooden beams. Its only feature was a painted rectangle in the center of the room. Behind him sat his father, along with the rest of the Main Branch, barring two. His daughters' two body guards opened the door to allow his daughters in and he greeted each in turn.

Hanabi looked firm and confident, Hiashi noted with a flash of pride. Then he turned his gaze upon his eldest daughter and his brow furrowed as he noted that she looked very nervous. _She is less skilled than her sister after all, so I suppose it makes sense that she'd be nervous,_ Hiashi thought, _After all…this is a terribly important fight._

"Before we begin," he declared in the iron tone of leadership that he had striven for years to perfect, "I will remind all present of the stakes. The winner of this fight will be declared the heiress to the leadership of the Main House of the Hyuga. The loser will be disowned immediately and never allowed to use the name Hyuga again." Both of his daughters flinched as he reminded them of what they had to lose, which was, simply put: _EVERYTHING._

"This match is to last until one of you surrenders, or is rendered unable to continue," Hiashi continued, "My judgment on this matter will be final. Are there any questions?" Hinata opened her mouth to say something and then closed it back, seeming to shrink into herself a little as her father's gaze turned to her. Hiashi frowned, "Do you have something to say Hinata?"

 _Isn't there any other way? How can you be so cruel?! This is horrible and awful and why are you making us do this?! What right do you have to hurt us like this?!_ Hinata wanted to scream, but in the face of her father's frown, all she could muster was a quiet whisper of a "no…"

Hiashi sighed and deep inside Hinata felt the urge to scream at him intensify. "Very well," Hiashi declared. He raised a hand, "Ready…and…" He raised his hand, "FIGHT!"

 _WHAM!_ Hinata was sent flying out of the ring as Hanabi's spinning jump kick connected to her nose. If she had been able to keep them open as pain flared across her nose and lips, the world would have rattled before Hinata's eyes. She felt herself slam into the wall with her back and that only rattled her more. Then her wrist exploded in pain as she tried to catch herself on the stone floor. As hot blood gushed from her nose and into her mouth from her split lip and bit tongue, her body's natural defensive mechanisms against suffering flipped the switch on her consciousness and out she went.

Hanabi landed, her face flooded with surprise. She would never have expected such a bold attack to work, let alone in such dramatic and cartoonish fashion. She had planned to start strong and overwhelm her elder sister's defenses with a quick and heavy barrage of strikes. Father had told her it was very important for her to win and that Hinata would be giving it her all, so she hadn't held anything back. She hadn't expected her initial jump kick to work. It was just supposed to be the opening move to get Hinata's guard out of the way for a strike to the stomach, but when she threw it...

It had been almost as though time slowed down, Hanabi's foot sliding between Hinata's hands and the way her eyes widened right before Hanabi's foot connected and shoved her big sister's head back. Hinata's neck had seemed to stretch like taffy for an instant as her whole body curved back to follow it…and then time had sped up again, and in a flash Hinata was slamming into the wall crumpled like tissue paper, head first and then slamming against it spread eagled with enough force to literally shake the sturdy wooden wall. Hinata hung there plastered against the wall for almost a full minute before sliding down it like a blob of wet clay and slumping to the side before falling face first onto the floor with a squelchy crunch that made Hanabi's heart freeze in horror. She hadn't even turned on her Byakugan yet; she had been saving it for when the boost would help her the most. Now as she did and saw her big sister's nose and mouth gushing blood, she did what any good little sister would and screamed, _"HINATAAAAA!"_

Unnoticed by any, even in the compound full of Byakugan users, the maliciously chuckling being on the unicycle peddled away, a sick and terrifying grin plastered across its face as the chuckling grew to laughing and then a mad cackle.

==Not Long After That==

"SHIKAMARUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Yoshino Nara howled. Her son Shikamaru lurched awake in the next room from where he had been sprawled on the couch. "I GAVE YOU _ONE! JOB! CLEAN! THE DISHES!"_ she screamed as she stormed into the living room. _"_ _I DON'T THINK THAT'S TOO MUCH TO ASK! BUT WHAT DO I FIND IN THE KITCHEN?! A SINK SLAP FULL OF FILTHY DISHES! YOU DIDN'T EVEN TURN ON THE WATER DID YOU?!"_

She grabbed her feebly protesting son and dragged him to the kitchen, " _YOU ARE GOING TO CLEAN EVERY DISH IN THAT SINK BY THE TIME I GET HOME FROM SHOPPING, AND KAMI HELP YOU IF I COME HOME AND FIND YOU SLEEPING! IF YOU FINISH THE DISHES, CLEAN EVERYTHING ELSE!"_

She threw him into the kitchen and slammed the door behind him, locking it shut. Then she stormed out fuming. She grabbed her purse, slipped on her shoes and slammed the front door behind her so hard it shook.

Inside, Shikaku poked his head from under the bed, "Well…looks like it's time for an out of town mission. Maybe Inoichi and Choza will come along…"

If he had known what was trundling along on a flat tire behind his wife with a grin that had way too many and far too sharp teeth, he would never have even considered leaving her side for an instant. If Yoshino had been aware of the thing on the unicycle, she would have turned to fight and then run away screaming if she had still been able to.

As was though, Yoshino went on to the market, trying hard to keep the color out of her face and make a polite impression on the vendors. Image was important after all. _Everything's fine,_ she told herself, _Shikamaru will clean the dishes and then I'll only take away his nap time for the day._

When she closed her eyes to plaster a big fake smile on her face, the thing on the unicycle shot past her and on towards the market.

==A Few Moments Later==

The beaten and unconscious form of one young Naruto Uzumaki was completely unaware of the rotund figure on the unicycle zipping past the mouth of the alleyway he was lying in. Then every self preservative instinct he had screamed him awake as the rotund figure pedaled back and turned a far too wide grin on him concealed in a flash of lightning.

Before Naruto could realize what had woken him, the rotund figure bounced off its unicycle and rushed over to him, tucking his unicycle under his arm as every footfall issued a flatulent sound drowned by the cracking of thunder overhead. Naruto almost didn't hear the clown's shout of, "Hey kid, are you alright?"


End file.
